I studied well in school in order to grow up, to enter a prestigious university, get a good specialty, find a job and … please my mother. But at the age of 7, my son outdid me with his logic.
My middle son is in the first grade. After the parents’ meeting, I talk with my son about the need to study well and ask a simple, I think, question: Why do you study?
The answer surprised me. I’m learning not to upset you. Seeing my bewilderment, he quickly added: Well, so that Dad did not swear.
Then the conversation did not go, I had to think. It turns out that our child, who gets a solid 8, learns only because of the fear of parental dissatisfaction.
The conclusion did not make me happy and made me look at additional literature, and this is what I found for myself. Even if your child learns well, the motives for this may not be at all justified. He can study well:
– because it gets paid for good grades;
– because he was promised to buy a bicycle (computer, smartphone, etc.), if he finishes a quarter without triples;
– because with good grades you can earn credibility with classmates;
– because the teacher is better for those who study well.
But the desire to learn well should be based on internal motives, for example, on the desire to become literate, useful to society, to succeed.
How to help the child?
After studying the literature, my husband and I held the family council and decided to smoothly adjust the motives for learning, because the child needs an understanding of the inner need to study well.
First of all, we stopped swearing, if the son brought a green or blue circle, equivalent to the numbers 4 and 6.
It was more difficult for her husband, as he is more harsh and quick-tempered. Not coping with the emotions, he just left the room, leaving his son at a loss. I tried to find out the reason why the son brought a bad mark, whether he needed help in preparing homework.
Over time, we managed to find out that there are problems in his inability to organize his working time. The desire to take a walk or play overpowers the need to prepare lessons.
Slowly, for evening conversations or for a walk, I talked about how happy we are with him, how he studies well and how this will help him in later life.
Over time, Dad stopped being annoyed and even chose the time to bring his son to his working office, where he held the position of head of supply and under his leadership several people worked.
It was a good lesson for my son. He saw with his own eyes that only the knowledge he gained at school offered him tremendous opportunities.
Six months later, the result appeared. The boy became calmer, stopped worrying about the fact that he would be scolded for poor progress, and at the end of the first half of the year, after seeing the final grades, we were incredibly surprised and delighted.
And why does your child go to school?