My son Pasha turned 15 years old in the fall. All the delights of transitional age he began a little later than they should have been, according to psychologists. While the son was growing up, he was an amazing boy: calm, friendly, smiling, with a delicate sense of humor, non-conflicted and purposeful.
True, because of this – convenient for adults, but incomprehensible for peers – he had problems himself, but for us, the ancestors, it was easy and pleasant to him. But when the very symptoms of transitional age, which smart books frighten and which we fear long before their appearance, began to break out, we really had a hard time.
Problems from scratch
Problems began to arise simply from scratch and grew like a snowball. Go eat! – I will not, I ate a lot of chips and crackers. And no matter how much we say it is harmful, in response, so what !.
Time to sleep! – I will not! And how do you make me?
Have you learned your lessons? – No, and I will not!
Go outside, breathe the air. – And again, no, I will not, than you will force me.
This I give only the most primitive examples. And the most difficult, probably, for me was that it became impossible to talk with my teenager. To talk – in the sense of discussing some topics, solving issues, planning, sharing opinions and feelings.
You don’t understand me at all!
My son and I always had a relationship of trust. It seemed to me that I managed to build a bridge to his heart and that it will always be like this. It turned out – was wrong! The bridge collapsed somehow overnight. And from her own son I heard words that I had hoped never to hear from him.
You don’t understand me at all! You adults only need from us … You only think about yourself, not at all about me and so on. These template phrases are spelled out in each textbook on age psychology. But I arrogantly thought that our family would be different.
Is it all hopeless?
There would be me and sad. It turns out, no matter how hard I tried, but I couldn’t avoid the fate of hundreds and thousands of other moms with teenage children. And what to do with all this – I do not know. Where are you, my good, sweet, kind, in general, such a comfortable son ?!
The necessary literature helped in the hands not to fall into sadness-melancholy. I was surprised to read that it was by no means impossible to suppress teenage riots, that these same riots are evidence that the child is turning into an adult correctly.
Until now, the child’s parents or other adults were significant, reputable people. The child was accustomed to being led by the hand, first literally, then as constant assistants, prompters.
How can he become the most adult? Stop holding hands? But just with the help of those same riots. When a teenager enters into a squabble with adults — sometimes, it seems to us, is meaningless — in fact, he buds off from us, forms his own self, his personality.
Support your teenager – clash with him!
Truth is born in controversy. This popular expression is the best suited to adolescents. It is important for him to understand where in all those views, thoughts, decisions that his head is full of, where is he himself, and where are his parents, teachers, educators, etc. And for this he needs to talk, argue, engage in open conflicts.
Do you want your teenage child to grow up as a whole, independent, free-thinking person who is responsible for his words and deeds? Then stop being afraid of all these conflict situations. On the contrary, encourage your teenager to argue with you, prove your point of view, disagree and even conflict.
And if your walls barely withstand a sound attack during such conflicts, you ask? Nothing wrong! Believe me, they – just like you, yourself – much stronger than you think.