To teach a child to fight and give change? In the kindergarten, such a question did not arise, somehow or lucky with the children that they did not fight, or the daughter did not dare to touch, because she is one of the largest children. But on the threshold of the school, I thought.
Why I thought
I had no such problems at school. In my class there were 20 girls and 6 boys. And then the boys from our parallel class were considered slaughtered and spiked by us. Girls fights did not suit. And in general the school lived peacefully.
When new acquaintances later told me about their school years, it sometimes became scary. I, of course, understand that in the first grade they are unlikely to have a real showdown for their daughter, but this is the time to establish relationships in a team. And most importantly – the formation of behavior at the very daughter.
When she was quite small, she complained that someone had pushed her, hit her, I recommended to answer the same without any hesitation. Take the toys – win back your right to them.
My daughter is rather restrained in a team, especially a stranger. Never on the rampage will not climb. Therefore, such advice would hardly hurt her. Over time, I began to notice at the site how she really began to defend her interests. Maybe age came, and maybe she listened to advice.
But it’s one thing to share toys in the sandbox, and another thing is to defend interests in school. Still, the level is already serious, the damage can be more and responsibility to the appropriate extent.
And what to do?
As specifically in response to my internal questions, a conversation with a child psychologist caught my eye. By the way, one of my favorites, whose articles and books are just read out. So, in this interview, answering a similar question, she quickly laid out to me everything on the shelves.
To fight or not, to teach to give change or not – definitely can not be answered. The correct answer depends on the nature of the child. That is, if the child is active, agile, may even inadvertently cause great harm, then he should be instructed on the verbal solution of conflicts and recommended not to give back to the last.
Then more or less it can be hoped that he will not climb into the fray ahead of time. But a reserved and timid child, on the contrary, it makes sense to instruct on more active actions. Then he will not pull with decisive steps until the moment when they are already useless.
But both in the first and in the second case it is necessary to establish general rules. For example, do not beat someone who is obviously weaker than you. Do not engage in fights, where everything is against one. To measure the strength and the possible consequences.
In general, I instruct the child to actively defend their interests, given the restraint of the daughter in the team and the list.
And you asked a similar question?