Sometimes you look at your child – well, he is so good, attentive, kind, caring, just an angel! And then, suddenly, he will give out some phrase: like, mom, my studies are also work, so let me pay! And he speaks so harshly, without joking, that anxiety creeps into his soul.
I was always interested in the question. Here we are raising children, raising them, fighting them, fighting – and what do we have at the exit? At some point in this dear child an unknown destructive force can wake up, which will nullify all our educational efforts. Or am I exaggerating, and heredity does not have such power over a person?
My friend adopted two children
Lena, my good friend, has three children: one girl is dear, and they have adopted two with her husband. They took kids absolutely small, even a year old was not.
Leshka this year went to the first class, and Masha didn’t have enough just a couple of months, she is October, so her school life will begin only next year.
Lena, Yura and their children for me have always been a rare example of an exemplary family. Unfortunately, you rarely see such strong love and willingness to serve each other in happiness and sorrow.
But suddenly I meet Lena a couple of weeks ago in a children’s clinic and immediately notice an unhealthy complexion and some kind of excessive torture.
– Lena, what happened?
– Oh, Natasha, and do not ask! Apparently, it is necessary to refuse Leshki …
Still starting to ask. It turns out that the adopted boy began to behave so ugly that all the rest of the household is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He can yell for hours, does not want to do anything, rolls terrible tantrums and is not amenable to any persuasion.
Lena and Yura have already tried all the methods, as they say, and the carrot, and the carrot. Everything is useless! In the clinic, I did not just meet her – she brings Leshenka to a psychologist here. Already more than a month of corrective exercises, and the effect is zero.
And now, before the family, it is a difficult choice: to refuse or give to a specialized boarding school. The doctors said that children with such an unstable psyche showed a strict daily regimen, control, in general, life after the whistle.
But what about education?
This case once again prompted me to reflect on the role of heredity and upbringing.
What is the result? In one family live two adopted children. Mashka is developing quite normally, everything is fine with her. With Leshka, everything is exactly the opposite.
I repeat, the family is very good, Yura and Lena are kind people and jokers, there is always a healthy laugh in their house. Children receive a good upbringing. But how different they are!
I recalled a recent conversation with a familiar psychologist, who also talked about adoption.
A family of university teachers adopted a baby from an orphanage, gave her a good education. But from the age of 13, the girl suddenly began to run away from home. She was periodically found at trash cans, where she picked up bottles and leftover food.
So, no matter how hard the parents tried, upbringing did not produce their results? Won a bad heredity?
But what about the notorious example of adults, about which the pedagogy textbook broadcasts, write newspapers and the Internet? Allegedly, the child sees, then repeats.
It turns out not so simple.
What do the doctor’s say?
I met with some research scientists on the issue of heredity. Yes, some diseases are genetically determined and passed down from generation to generation.
In epileptic parents, a child is most often born an epileptic, in alcoholics, children are more likely to have a tendency to chemical dependence. Parents with mental disabilities have a 50% chance that the children will also be ill.
I think that my friends just had no luck. When you adopt a baby, unfortunately, you do not disclose all the details about the health of his biological parents. So you take the cat in the bag.
We have hope!
But it is not all that bad! If there is no obvious hereditary pathology, upbringing can play a huge role, and parents can help the child grow into a real person.
Personally, I am guided by a wise aphorism in the matter of education: do what you must and come what may! What is in my power, I must do that which is not in mine – let go.
Each person has his own path, including my child. I am able to influence only a very small part of his fate.
And by and large, in my hands only one means – love. If a child receives it from me, then he will be able to endure all life difficulties adequately.