I was surprised to find that I treat mothers with increased anxiety. I don’t know if other parents manage to quietly let their children float free to adulthood, but for me it’s not easy.
No, I never tried to surround my children with a wall of prohibitions in order to protect them from the slightest danger. At six years old, she sent her son to the store, at twelve, she let her ride a bicycle (after all, cars were all around), but how always was her heart anxious. And the older the son becomes, the stronger the anxiety.
After all, what happens is that the child is absolutely small, the mother surrounds him with care and attention. It is mother who becomes a child for the child, helping him to make discoveries, to recognize the world. The first words, first steps, questions, games … Mom for the child is the most important assistant in everything, the first and most important teacher. And it seems that your child is not only your biological continuation, but also a like-minded person.
And the child not only grows and gradually moves away from the mother, but he has his own, own opinion, sometimes very different from yours. And this opinion is erroneous, wrong, but with what obstinacy and stubbornness it stands up for an adult child, until he himself becomes aware of his own mistakes and delusions.
It seems to me that all the crises of childhood and adolescence occur to gradually break, thread by thread, the connection of the mother with the growing child. To give the child the opportunity to self-burn and get their own life experience, fill, albeit painful, but their bumps.
And all the adversity of adolescence is aimed at breaking this link with parents finally and moving into a new, adult level in a relationship. And here it only remains to hope that sanity grown up in childhood will nevertheless be included in the adolescent at the right time and there will not be too much broken wood.
Children grow up, and with them the distance between them and their parents should grow, but this is precisely what is not working out. Anxiety still lives in the soul, which is very difficult to contain without letting it out.