It just so happened that when it comes to some kind of childishness that is not typical for others, the reaction of even close relatives is often the same: Oh, what, he doesn’t like it, you see !. As if the little man can not be different than they represent.
Only for 3 years after the birth of my daughter, which I just did not hear enough: and that all children cry is normal, there is no point in understanding the reasons; and that all children should smile when an unfamiliar grandfather approaches them; and that during an adult conversation they must stand at attention and remain silent.
Having a close emotional connection with my daughter, I understood that she only cries when there is a reason that she is afraid of strangers and that she also wants to participate in an adult conversation.
Crowd of gray soldiers
So comfortable that all children are the same and obeyed on command. In the USSR, it was not only with children, but also with adults: their own opinion was not welcomed, because it was political – one for all. Not to stand out, not to defend their rights, not to be lazy – these were slogans of those times.
Then there was a chance that you would not be obstructed in life, and maybe they would even notice and give an order – a set of products in short supply.
When that time had passed, I remember exactly how my grandmother would not allow me to go into my conversations with my mother, where our opinions differed, and my mother, in turn, besieged my grandmother, saying that her children have the right to express their opinion.
At the same time, my impulses of participation in school activities were suppressed: You do not need this. Problems will be less. I still regret that I, striving to earn my mother’s love, spent the time at school as a gray mouse.
Obedience by shouting or slapping is a convenient way of interacting with a child, but not working forever. In adolescence from such methods of education, you will get such a return that you may think that the belt was not enough, but it’s only in love and its manifestations that your child needs.
Where does the child’s identity come from?
Someone notices the characteristics of the character of the baby per year, someone at 5, and someone from birth. Until now, at times, at the request of my daughter, my husband may sing quietly, because she doesn’t like the loud sound now, he starts snapping into the style and you start his apartment, and you will be in command there.
When I ask my husband a question, how would he react to the same request on my part, he is puzzled, because in this case he usually starts to sing more quietly. He says: I do not respect my daughter, I love her.
Being a mother and being interested in other children, I can say with confidence that the child is already born as a personality. Yes, here is such a defenseless, small, not able to survive in this world, but a person.
With all the features of character and behavior, with their preferences and individual desires.
I used to think that I – the mistress of the sea. After all, first of all, I decided that my daughter would be born into the world. If I did not think this was true, then she would not have come into the world. That’s right, it is.
But over time, I come to the conclusion that once the very inner essence of my girl decided to be born and live in this world from with your goals, in order to know this life, and that she was born in our family is also not an accident.
The nature of the child
As you know, it depends on many factors: genetic predisposition, upbringing, surrounding society. Formation of character occurs in the first 6 years of a person’s life, according to scientists.
Knowing the nature of your child, you can help develop positive qualities of character, as well as learn to smooth out his negative traits.
It is in the family that the child learns reactions to certain actions of those around him, and its moral core is also formed there. That is why a comfortable psychological and physical environment within the family is so important.
If you do not want a child to project anger and hatred into the world, you yourself strive for love and harmony.
If you do not want your child to fight and name-calling or, conversely, could not protect themselves – do not use violence against the child and other household members, do not say harsh words to them.
If you want your child to be polite and respectful with you and other people – be polite to him, respect his personal boundaries and help create your own comfort zone.
If you smoke and say that it is a bad habit and you don’t need to do that – then, with a high degree of probability, your child will smoke in the future, because parents are remembered as the ideals to which the child is striving.
One of my friends, a person who doubts herself enough, her daughter is 7 years old and she is also unsure of herself. The acquaintance is unhappy with this situation and is annoyed at her own unpleasant features in the daughter, so she constantly criticizes and teaches her, but the daughter becomes only more uncertain.
How is a self-confident personality formed?
An insecure parent, at the same time, can grow a completely self-sufficient person. One has only to study his child, listen to his needs, desires and create conditions for the development of abilities.
There is no need to redo the child, focusing on what you do not like, it is better to praise him for what he does and what you like. Love the child as he is, support him where he needs it. Do not force its development to force.
Let it ripen at the right pace for it. Believe me, this will be rewarded in the future with good self-confidence and strength, resilience in stressful situations and firm knowledge of what your child wants. Appreciate your relationship with your child more than his actions.