Recently, I began to notice my daughter: that I would not say to do, she would continue to go about her business, as if she could not hear me. And only when I raise my voice, it goes and does. My mother nods knowingly – my sister was the same. But it seems to me not quite normal.
Why it does not suit me
On the one hand, I understand that the child is not obliged to immediately rush to do that, I say. She also has her own business. I remember that in my childhood my grandmother annoyed me in the same situations. If I did not immediately rush to do what she says, she began to lament that she should not be nervous and that she would tell my mom everything.
I give the child time to finish his business. But I often notice that she does not react to me at all. That is, I can calmly remind her five and ten times that she needs to change her clothes from the street. And only when I raise my voice to her, does she break away from her studies and goes to do. At the same time often with tears.
Sometimes I take it easy, and sometimes it just pisses me off. But, understanding that I would not correct the situation with an aggressive reaction, I somehow sat down and thought why this was happening.
After all, children themselves do not invent their own models of behavior, they copy everything from the outside. And first of all – from parents. So, if she does not hear me and ignores me, I do the same with her. And for her it became the norm of behavior.
I began to remember how I react to it. And noticed:
1. Often, when she asks something, I am silent. Not because I ignore it, but because I am busy with something, I have to finish another thought process. Or I do not know how to correctly answer and weigh the words.
2. I do not answer because I am too far away and do not want to scream at the top of my voice.
3. Sometimes, to give myself time to think about the answer, I say I don’t know.
Perhaps there are other reasons, but these were obvious to me.
And now what to do with it?
Of course, change your behavior to productive!
1. I try to let know that I heard it, just now I can not engage in dialogue. I hear you, but … Now, I will finish and say. So the child understands that the answer will be, but after a while. And not nervous about the fact that it is ignored.
2. If I am far away, I come closer and explain why I did not answer. Please do not shout to me if I am far away, I still can not answer.
3. With the third paragraph, I have the biggest problems. This I do not know pops up on the machine, and I myself begin to feel insecure. But this feeling is transmitted to the child. Therefore, I try to start an answer with the words I think … I think ….
While I say this, thoughts are already somehow lined up. In addition, I tune myself to search for an answer. I do not observe any tangible changes in the child’s behavior, but I think I’m on the right track.
What do you think?