Parents raise a child differently, each with their own vision of resolving conflict situations involving children. How should a baby react to insult from other children? To defend, attack or run away?
Independent conflict resolution
Closer to four years, children are usually already able to agree among themselves. In a year or two, mothers fly over babies with a constant flow of words, do not touch it, this is the boy’s shoulder blade, but let’s change, etc.
If children are friends with each other, parents often do not need parental participation in preschool age, and they do not need to protect themselves from friends. It seems to me that it is somehow easier with girls in this respect – it is easier for them to come to an agreement, they have quieter games.
I am very pleased that the daughter and her friends no longer take toys without asking, they always use polite words (without a reminder!).
If the conflict between children flares up, then sometimes it is not complete without the use of physical force – kids can push, hit with a hand or a handy object, throw sand, etc.
Here, it seems to me, very carefully should be approached to education. Someone teaches that it is necessary to give change to the offender, while others, on the contrary, recommend solving conflicts with words or even, as they say, turn the other cheek.
I believe that the child should be able to protect themselves. Of course, there are badass and fighters who, just passing by, can hit an unfamiliar kid with a spatula. In this case, the daughter gives the change, and I do not forbid her to do so.
The child is constantly under my supervision, I do not let her out of sight for a second while walking. And if the conflict develops into a fight, then I am already on the battlefield.
Our company has a tacit rule: if words don’t help, then the child speaks to the parents (his or others). For example, a friend does not want to return a scooter to her daughter – the daughter goes to the girl’s mother and tells her the essence of the problem, the mother solves it.
Alas, it often happens that quarrels between children turn into quarrels between their parents. The children have already made up and forgotten, and their parents still look askance at each other. I am glad that in our company there are few such situations – we try to compensate for the damage from broken toys, and the children have known each other for a long time, so there is little conflict.
It should teach the child to protect themselves. Do not run to my mother with hysterics just because of the fact that someone accidentally (or even on purpose) broke the paschka. It is necessary to teach children to defend themselves with the help of words – for example, to say so is not good (rude, impolite, bad).
From early childhood, it should be explained that boys should not offend girls. I believe that, after all, raising children of different sexes should be done differently – from childhood, to conceive such concepts as respect for the female sex, to give in to girls, to protect girls, etc.
Up to three years, the baby rarely knows how to protect himself, to agree, to resolve the conflict without the participation of parents. That is why, no matter how difficult it is, but mom needs to be at a minimum distance from the child. Personally, until the age of 2.5 I was always at arm’s length, because my daughter was very violent and conflicted.
After three, you can just watch the child while walking, usually the children are already able to protect themselves. If not, then this should be taught. What methods of protection to teach? The choice is yours. However, remember that you will not always be close to the child and that he should be able to stand up for himself in conflict situations in kindergarten and school.
Do you teach your child to protect yourself?