After analyzing my mother’s experience in the context of my temper, I can say for sure that I cannot punish children.
Back in my youth, I learned the truth about the carrot and the carrot, that it is by means of alternate punishment and encouragement that one can properly raise a child, get what I want from him.
Said – did
But it does not add up to me either. In the heat of intense life, when there is no clear daily routine, when things collapse suddenly, you have to take off and go somewhere – it is very difficult to be a classic parent who said he did.
After all, the main rule of effective punishment: said, keep your word; forbidden, then do not allow ahead of time; selected – do not give.
But in my active life, these rules not only do not work, but even dangerous. For example, if I punish children for not watching cartoons for three days, and then I have to urgently leave them at home alone and leave, I understand that they will be in the most security if they are interested in watching TV.
I have to cancel the punishment, break my word and allow them to watch. Or pull them with you on business, which is also not always possible.
Thus, after vain attempts to punish them with a tablet and cartoons, I came to the conclusion that it was almost impossible, precisely because of my own circumstances.
My husband and I decided to try to punish children with sweets. The experiment was a success, only the result was in a different area, not in education.
Daughters are well done without sweet. I will say more, they did not even notice that they were not given sweets, chocolates and cookies. It turns out that for them, in general, there was no punishment.
But there was still a positive effect; they stopped asking and eating sweets in large quantities.
She does not understand that she is punished.
When I gave my daughter to the gym, the coach refused to do it, commenting: She does not understand that she’s punished! I planted it near the wall, but she looks around and behaves as if it should be so! It is impossible to work with children who do not understand that they are behaving incorrectly. With these words, we were put out the door.
The ability to adapt?
After what happened, I wondered if I should punish my children at all. They somehow learned to quickly adapt to the situation, to perceive the process of punishment, as a simple change in the way of life.
Maybe this is not bad? For example, there are no unnecessary complexes, the fear of being punished, the fear of losing something (at a conscious level).
In hot pursuit
It seems that long punishments do not suit us at all. We have to carry out educational processes in hot pursuit: cautionary conversations, pulling, even the rope goes into action …
I understand that this is not pedagogical, it does not correspond to the theory, but I justify myself that tomorrow the children still do not remember what they were punished for. And, therefore, the punishment loses its educational power.
Do you punish your children?