When I was little, every year for my birthday I received postcards from grandmothers in whom they wished me not to be ill, to be a smart and obedient girl. Mind and health, of course, still did not prevent anyone. But does the child need to always be obedient? And in general, is it good or bad?
Obedient means comfortable?
Our entire education system, as far as I can tell, is trying to make obedient children. Starting from kindergarten in children a lot of restrictions and requirements. You have such an obedient boy, all day sitting on the sofa, – say the teachers. This is normal? Of course, having a child who never re-reads to adults and fulfills all their requests and orders is at least convenient. Less nerves spent, more free time. But for a child it means:
1. The inability to make independent decisions.
2. The lack of responsibility for their actions.
3. Low self-esteem and inadequate assessment of their own forces.
4. Lack of personal opinion.
Obedient child – a characterless adult?
Of course, every normal parent wishes his son or daughter only happiness. But is 100% obedience his pledge? How many stories about how obedient children, being in adulthood, just lost.
There are also such extremes, when children, having escaped from the parental nest, realize that they no longer need to be obedient and then they rush into all grave.
So, while demanding a peremptory obedience from a child, it is worth considering what consequences it may entail. For myself, I defined a few simple rules.
1. There are several unambiguous prohibitions that are not discussed. They are related to the safety of the child. You can not run out on the road, where cars can drive, you can not go alone to the balcony, you can not run away from the mother in the store. It can not be all.
2. Softer prohibitions that are advisory in nature, my husband and I try to explain. By the way, he does it better, I often lack patience. For example, now you can not climb into a puddle, even if you really want, because you can soak your feet. But if we put on a waterproof jumpsuit, then we can.
3. The power of persuasion and patience – the key to proper education. Of course, I am not an iron lady and I can break loose, explaining for the hundredth time why it is impossible to scatter your clothes or break toys. But I try, because it is necessary for my son.
We are not trying to raise an obedient child, and often they reproach me that my son is a spoiled boy. I do not think so. I would just like him to become a freer person than I am. So that he would not take every prohibition on words and think more, reach it with his mind and logic.
Of course, sometimes it is not easy for us because of his character, but without a strong character in adulthood it can be very difficult.