We all love to plan our lives. We want to get an education, find a decent job, move up the career ladder. However, our plans are often put in jeopardy when a baby is born. Long-awaited or unexpected, in any case, he makes his own adjustments to life.
And you have to make a choice, get out, invent, set priorities. Of course, you can give thousands of examples when successful women do not put an end to motherhood. They combine career ambitions and a child. But in this case, priority is still on the side of work.
Grandmothers or qualified nannies are involved with the child. And the role of mother in education is reduced to a minimum.
And it’s quite sad, in my opinion, when a child begins to interfere with his mother in the realization of her grandiose plans, that she prefers to part with him, rather than overcome difficulties, being close to the baby.
Is separation from a child justified?
It does not happen – this is my opinion. However, I often come across situations where moms take their kids to their grandmothers, in whom they live permanently. And the parent becomes, at best, a Sunday mother.
Recently, I met my friend’s mom. She has been living in Moscow for a long time, working, making progress. Her little son is only one year old. For several months now he has been living with his grandmother.
Talking to my friend’s mom, I thought: is the woman who gave life a right in her desire to be in time, forgetting about the growing miracle? Or, nevertheless, it is necessary to sacrifice something to please the baby, who did not ask himself to give birth, but was the result of the conscious desire of the same mother, who now does not want to limit herself in something?
Take and wash your hands – the easiest way to get out of the situation. In this case, there are always excuses for such an act. I earn money so that the child does not deny himself anything. But this very mother’s mother is warm, her presence is hundreds of times more important than a room filled with expensive toys.
And then, does a mother have the right to shift her duties onto the shoulders of another person? After all, this is not the grandmother decided to give birth. She did not plan to acquire another child, she was imposed on motherhood in a certain way, loaded up with obligations, solved her problems at her expense.
I am ready to understand mothers. Indeed, work, career, personal interests – they should also have a place in life, regardless of whether you have a child or not.
Especially difficult in this regard, single mothers. What should I do? Who will feed them if not mom?
But even this is not a reason to take the child somewhere. You can always find the best way out. You just need to search for it and have a desire to find it.
There is an exit
When my older sister was born, my mother studied at the institute. After sitting a year on academic leave, she began to study, and left her sister with her grandmother. Do not believe it, she still remembers with a shiver those times when she came to visit her daughter only on weekends, she remembers how hard it was to part on Monday, how she cried in the bus that took her away from her child.
They lasted so for about six months. Mom somehow unthinkably knocked out a place for her sister in kindergarten. Now, she laughs, recalling how, instead of preparing for the exam, she was riding on the carousel in the park, drawing pictures of houses and trees in parallel with the pre-diploma drawings, and running out the exam into the corridor to take her sister to the toilet.
It was hard. Moreover, at that time my father had already left for distribution to another city, waiting for an apartment to be received. Mom was completely alone, she studied and raised her daughter. But they were together. And this is the most important thing.
One friend of mine could withstand just a couple of months without a newborn son. In September, she took him, two months, to his mother, and she began to study.
They celebrated the New Year together. A friend managed to negotiate with a familiar woman who agreed to sit with the boy while his mother was learning the basics of medical science at the university.
Still – separation
But it happens in a different way. A boy lives at our entrance with the grandmother, his mother visits him on weekends. And the family is full there. Mom and Dad are working, doing their own thing, and the parent grieves only because the son in most cases calls her by name, not her mother.
My second cousin brings her son to her grandmother to visit for a month and leaves … for a year during which she does not even come to visit.
Other friends take my daughter home only for the weekend. The rest of the time she lives with her grandmother, crying, pining for parents, but they prefer a free life, nothing and no one limited.
And one mommy is building her personal life. Got married. She went to her husband. I left my daughter with my grandmother, assuring me that she will take her as soon as she is settled. But the process dragged on. Already about half a year has passed since her departure. And the new husband has an apartment, as well as an excellent job, highly paid. Tell me that you can equip 6 months?
Is it possible to understand?
Personally, I find it difficult to understand moms who separate themselves from the crumb. I will give an example from my personal life. My son took the first steps when I was not around. I went to the doctor, just for a couple of hours. My son stayed with his grandmother and it was during these two hours that he decided to make the first foot journey, two steps long.
I still worry about the fact that it was not me, but my mom who witnessed his little victory. And I do not understand those women who themselves deny themselves the pleasure of seeing these very victories that the baby, growing up, makes almost every day. To see how he grows, to enjoy his development, to study his inner world, to bring up good things in him, to acquaint him with the surrounding reality – isn’t this true happiness?