You influence your child. Your every word. Every action. We will adjust in life and in the mood of today – any little thing matters to your child, because it is with your help that he learns to perceive this world, to put everything that is called on the shelves.
Parents for the child – guiding stars, role models in everything! That mom and dad shape his thinking. And, as you know, a lot depends on thinking! For example, if a person is convinced that he is in good health, then most often in cold times it is easy to get rid of a cold. And if he believes that he stays confidently on the stage, then he really feels confident!
But this is me, by the way. Speaking of how much parents influence their child. Sometimes they themselves may not be aware of this. I feel very sad if I hear a mother on the street scolding her daughter: Foo, how sloppy you are. This is dirty! I’m ashamed of you.
What do you think this girl will think about herself when such words will be said to her five times? Here I am about the same. Confidence in her it definitely will not add. And mom … Mom really wants only good for her daughter, she wants her to be the most beautiful, but she programs her own baby in a different way. Not correct.
And there are a lot of such mistakes, alas, ah. Random, but no less difficult … They affect the mind of a 3-4 (5,7,10, 15,18) -year-old child. The mistake is even in the word. Can you imagine the responsibility of your parent?
So, the first mistake in communication by the child. Terrible mistake. I called her Punishment. An example is given just above. But I can tell dozens of such sad stories. Alas.
It is very hard for me to hear when parents say to their children: Well, what is the punishment for me! What an idiot is you for! Shut up !, and other unpleasant expressions.
I recently stood in a bookstore with a respectable woman. She reached for a book, and the entire contents of the shelf immediately fell on it. As always! – viciously whispered the lady – Everything is forever falling with me !. I am sure that only the force of parental conviction has worked here, only it is very difficult to understand this now – the roots are too deep.
And I do not hint at all that parents intentionally wish evil to their child! Not at all! Quite the contrary. They want their baby to grow up smart, beautiful and smart. It is only from the words of the child that the children are not enlightened at all, that is the thing.
And this is still half the trouble. After all, the child remains at a subconscious level and resentment. The more sharpness there was in his address (especially in his transitional age!), The more offensive he became. Then it can manifest itself in a relationship. This is the second part of the error, its consequences.
Error two: words, not actions.
To talk with the child, of course, can and should be. Discussion of issues related to different spheres of life is very important for successful interaction between parents and children. But your actions are no less important. What is the point that a mother reproaches her child for being untidy, while she goes around the house in a dirty robe and torn slippers?
Though the child will listen to the parents, it will be based on actions. He will also have an internal conflict: his beloved father (father) says one thing, and does something completely different!
Error three: like a rose under a cap.
Absolute (or almost absolute) freedom from household duties. But is it just freedom or … Serious restriction?
It often happens that parents voluntarily release their child of six (and sixteen) years from housework. And still they lead their beloved child to a school up to fourteen. Prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner. And sometimes they even escort to the university (But the road is now dangerous! There are a lot of people on the subway!) They don’t talk about work – it’s too early, it’s still small. Want to walk in the center with friends? Do not even think about it! I’m just calling you to school five times. And do not even resent, because I’m worried!
And this hyper-care, as a rule, is closely connected with … Complaints about the infantilism of the beloved child! When he is eight, you need to take out the pot. When eighteen – to indicate what to wear … And the consequences are terrible! After all, really unadapted to life, infantile and, what is the most terrible, terribly insecure people grow up!
They resent their parents for not giving them freedom and rights. And the parents swear at their beloved offspring for inaccuracy and are tormented by a terrible insult … So I can say I devoted all my life to him, and he, an ungrateful pig, wants to go to St. Petersburg for three days!
Here, of course, has its own nuances. But in this case I take a generalized situation and speak about the error on the part of the parents. Is it not?
Error four: parents of parents.
Or rather, their relationship. How do you communicate with your parents? How do you talk to them? After all, the child sees everything! And if a mother shouts to her mother all the time, then why can’t the child take over his mother (grandmother’s daughter)? Mom is big because she knows how to.
And if she swears at the way the child treats her, is there any fault of her own?
Once I watched this picture: a mother (fifty years old) and a daughter (twenty-five years old) tried to put a carriage (with a daughter’s child) on the bus. The daughter was angry at her mother all the time, terribly angry at her. And mom was silent. And the baby (7 month old) heard everything. And he will hear it all his life. Guess: how will he talk to his mom when he is older?
Fifth error: weakness of faith.
You can’t do it. Don’t even try! You can not. Forces are not enough.
When parents say such things to their children, everything inside me just turns over. It becomes sad and very depressing. Because of the baby is likely to grow unsure of their abilities, notorious and real person. He will look for work on the basis of salary and prestige, but will not be able to believe that he is worthy of something luxurious and beautiful (if he does not think again, of course).
In his ears all the time the words of mom and dad will sound: You can not, you can not, you can not. Could something be worse than lack of faith in oneself and one’s dream? Is this not the most dangerous mistake?
Method One: more heat.
More warm and airy, bright words. Do not be afraid to praise your beautiful child! I’m not saying that you need to sing diferamby for a child for any reason, but to say: How wonderful it is! possible if it turns out really good. Why not?
When I study English with my sister, I praise her for every successful little step. It blooms, just turns into a bouquet of roses! And she starts doing much better, remembers faster and believes that she has a talent in languages (I persistently indicated this to her!)
And again, chastising the child, you can not say: You are bad. It is necessary to point out that the child himself is wonderful, but his deed is not correct. And calmly explain why it is not so true. This child will take it right!
Method two: so the words are supported by action.
Doing it right, not only because mom says it, but she does it herself. What a great mission parents have! They are examples to follow. They talk and show.
Method three: more responsibility.
It is necessary to give the child. So he got used to independence. Sometimes it will be difficult, but the child will receive a piece of her adulthood, and will understand that his mother trusts him as a real adult. Corollary: trust and warm relationship.
Method Four: parents of parents.
It often happens that moms and dads have a grudge against their parents. Serious. And so, they shout and scold, asking not to go into their lives and not to raise their children. And sometimes just irritability spills out in this way. But after all, children are absorbing everything … If there is a grudge against their parents in their hearts, they must be forgiven. With all my soul. And with irritability just need to fight 🙂
Method Five: believe.
He believes in his child with all his heart and to convey this faith to him. Teach him to dream and achieve his goals with the right method. And, of course, show by example that faith gives a person very, very much!
As you see, I paid a lot of attention to errors, and not to methods. Because parents know better how to behave with their own child. Just sometimes I see all these annoying manifestations of blunders in children, and it becomes very offensive for them! For their future.
How do you raise your children? What are your methods? Do you see any of the errors in your behavior? How do you fix this? Tell that!