When our dad left the family, he very mysteriously explained his deed to his daughter: you can only love one person. In his five years, the child made his unexpected conclusion – you can only love mom. And now, with all my might, I’m trying to break this setup.
Formation of the order of things
I found this installation not immediately. At first she began to notice that her daughter refused to hug and kiss her grandmother. My grandmother was not offended, they say, I’m already old, unsympathetic, so my child doesn’t want to squeeze with me. But the statement that I do not like grandmother alarmed me.
But then I noticed that she didn’t really like her dad. He wants to embrace her, but she does not give and runs to hug her mother. One day after such an episode and my father’s departure, I asked her why she behaves this way? To which I heard the answer: because you can only love one person, and I love my mother.
Of course, she assured me that it was not my father who said this to her, but in this situation, don’t go to my grandmother – it’s clear where the thought came from. The prospects for the life of my daughter with such an attitude simply horrified me. Worst of all, when my daughter determines a certain order of things for herself, it is almost impossible to convince her otherwise.
It is necessary to work in two directions: with a child and with a dad. Daughters constantly at every opportunity I and grandmother talk about how her dad loves her. For example, she comes to me: Mom, look how I love you! And tightly hugs. I immediately demonstrate how I love her, and how her dad loves her.
With dad work goes harder. Firstly, when I described the situation to him, he also concluded a tremendous depth. Like, I’m telling all this to annoy him. It’s good that the conversation went on Skype in the chat. I could swear into space, take three deep breaths and find the right words.
He demanded that he first defiantly accept all the gifts of the child. When he comes, she gives him her toys, drawings, different little things. He does not attach much importance to this and leaves. And after his departure, the child walks and laments that his father forgot his coloring, puzzles or stickies.
After several demonstrative foldings in my father’s backpack of gifts, the ice, if untouched, then cracked noticeably. In the kindergarten, my daughter began to draw drawings not only for me, but also separately for dad.
The second requirement, which I put forward to him – if possible hug the daughter and say that he loves her. The phrase that she already knows this has caused me Homeric laughter. I remembered that in relation to myself I heard this recognition from him twice in my life: when we first started dating, and after 9 years when he left.
But she seemed to be able to convince that she should hear this recognition not only from me and my grandmother. However, while I heard from him only offers to hug each other, to which the child refuses. The maximum that dad can count on is that she will climb on his neck and sit there.
But this is already something. Maybe someone knows some other ways to melt the child’s offense at dad for his care?