Familiar, perhaps, for very many parents, the situation: the child begins to behave aggressively, pushing and screaming at home, walking or visiting. What do most parents think? That’s right, everyone at least once found himself thinking that he really wants to stop it as soon as possible, to scold the little aggressor, or even punish him. Parents themselves quietly lose control of themselves and respond to adult aggression to child aggression, in a toga it turns out all the worse.
I myself used to raise my voice for the child, but I understand for sure that child aggression always has some hidden inner reason that needs to be solved. All sorts of statements to the corner, shouting and deprivation of sweets will make the baby nervous, worry or even repent rather simply for upsetting mom or dad, but they will not destroy the problem that has settled in his little head.
Most often, the child chooses a noisy and aggressive manner of behavior, defending himself from constantly experiencing stress. This does not necessarily mean that the child is being offended in the family or in the kindergarten, perhaps, being more sensitive and vulnerable, the child feels the tension in the family or the immediate environment. Or maybe he saw such a destructive demeanor of someone whom he considers to be an authority, whether it is real fictional.
If a child observes that his father constantly screams at his mom, or that his older brother behaves defiantly in the company of friends, he has every chance to find that aggression is a perfectly acceptable way of establishing leadership relationships.
Similar relationships can develop in the kindergarten of the child himself, if the teacher or peer constantly chooses the games, the winner in which is chosen according to the principle who is stronger than he is right.
Sometimes a surge of aggressiveness in a child is associated with age-related restructuring of the nervous system, it is usually associated with all known crises of 3 and 7 years. In such a period, even the most accommodating children want to emphasize their independence, clearly showing that the little man already has his own. These nonverbal statements must be heeded. The realization that parents perceive it as an independent, almost adult person will allow the child to outgrow the crisis phase more quickly.
But what to do if, roughly speaking, the three-year anniversary is over, but the aggressiveness remains. The main thing is not to dismiss. And yet – be ready to change not only the behavior of the child, but in some cases his own. We all made none of the two educational errors of varying degrees of severity, but it is important to be able to recognize our mistakes and correct them in time.
So, the possible causes of child aggression:
1. A child may behave aggressively if you scold and punish you very much for even minor acts.
2. No less traumatic for the child and unhealthy, conflict situation in the family, because for him it is still the main place, the focus of everything in life. It is clear if the scandals boil in the family every evening. But children, very subtle psychologists, and they can intuitively understand the inner tension of their own people, even if they hide it in every possible way.
3. Oddly enough, but the direct opposite of parental tyranny leads to aggression. If parents are indulging in the child and in nothing, they do not limit it, he should be afraid that he will grow up in an asocial and aggressive teenager.
4. A child can become aggressive in order to at least somehow attract the attention of parents who are not interested in his successes with victories and are not happy for him.
5. Aggression can also occur if the parents require from the child one behavioral strategist, while in life themselves choose a completely different one. This does not necessarily imply some grandiose actions, but may concern even insignificant things, for example, a child is forbidden to watch TV, while mom and dad themselves spend evenings on TV. The main thing is that the baby loses faith in the parents.
6. If you use threats and blackmail as the main educational measure, fear that the child will soon begin to practice the exact same methods with his peers, and perhaps with you.
How to deal with a little aggressor? Do not scold, and do not beat, and start with what to talk. If you are attentive to your child, you will be aware of his desires and doubts, victories and failures, he will have much less reasons for noisy and aggressive attraction of attention.
If you carefully ran through the list and did not find anything similar to the above points, try to talk to your child better not with the help of direct questions, but through a conversation about fabulous or cartoon characters. The kid will surely reveal to you his secret, if you do not push him and choose the right questions correctly.