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Let them learn to give change, preschoolers

It was this phrase a year ago on the playground one mother told me, the baby of which tried to beat my son. This is not a fight because of a toy or a showdown, the child simply approached the children and boxed. The girls, of course, did not like it, however, like the rest of the children, and they began to cry.

The little bullies didn’t need problems with foreign parents, and he left the victim alone, looking for another one. I looked, the turn came to my son, who was jumping on the trampoline. By age, children are about the same (at that time my son Sasha was 2.5). Here, this boy approaches to the son and with words boxing, boxing is accepted to strike blows.

Sasha is not crying, but he clearly does not understand this game, and the son goes to the opposite side of the inflatable trampoline. The little boxer realized that he had found the whipping boy, goes after his son and continues to strike him. Now, about the boy’s mom: a slim, pretty woman stands near the trampoline and, together with the rest of the mommies, sees this picture, while constantly repeating the phrases: Get away from the boy. Don’t touch the boy. I’ll hit you right now.

By the time the boxer was about to strike a third squall of blows, I sat my younger son in a stroller, went up to my mother and asked her to pick up her child from the trampoline, as he stops the kids from jumping. To which my mother replied: Let your give change, but not worth it. You hear me comment to my son. Get away from the boy, and then aunt will beat you now.

I admit honestly, I was a little confused. I can make a remark to a stranger child if he is naughty, and I am standing nearby. When the child jumps on the attraction to shout at him, drowning out the noise of the pump and the voice of the kids, I will not. Having collected all the forces, she offered the boy’s mother to pick up her son from the trampoline, explaining that I’m not going to hit anyone, and if your child does not respond to your requests, then it’s fair to punish him, depriving him of the pleasure of jumping on the trampoline.

It is very unpleasant for me to sort out relations with strangers, and even more so to tell what and how to do. Moreover, I do not interfere in children’s conflicts and provide an opportunity for children to figure out on their own. But in this case, the explanation that my child does not give change, and that I do not consider it necessary to teach him this, only inflamed the conflict.

Everything was resolved quite unexpectedly for both parties, the aunt-ticket attendant approached, and, announcing that the time was out, asked to take all the children from the trampoline. Mom with a boy-boxer quickly retreated from the site. Only then did many mummies loudly become indignant at the disgrace this child was creating, and that he literally terrorized all the children.

Since then, the question of whether to teach children to fight and surrender periodically torments me. Frankly, my boys are now actively began to show strength in solving controversial issues and can arrange a fight. But you can give change to infinity, because everyone considers himself right.

My behavior remains stable: if the cause of the showdowns is a toy and the time of parental non-intervention is exhausted, I take the subject of the dispute and make it clear that no one will receive the toy until the sons learn to share. At first, both roared, but now they share toys without any problems, not only among themselves, but also with other children. But what I definitely didn’t notice was the desire to simply strike another for no reason or show my superiority.

With kindergarten, things are more complicated, there is no mother who controls the behavior of the child. If there is an abuser, like a boxer, what should my child do. I teach you to resolve a conflict without using force, but is it correct, or maybe you need to learn to respond with blow to blow?

And how do you think, should the child be taught to surrender to the offender or is it still taught to negotiate?

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