I remember once in a conversation with my mother-in-law, I mentioned that I was never physically punished. She was very surprised and for a long time could not believe it. Then, in the end, she said it was because I was alone in the family. It is forced to disagree with this statement, since I have two daughters, but neither of them, nor I, nor my husband, ever touched my finger.
Before you start talking about punishment, you need to determine what it is. After all, you can punish a child not only physically, but for example, depriving him of something. We use this kind of impact on children’s behavior, but only in extreme cases.
For example, once the eldest daughter broke out and kicked me in the chest. I know that she did not do it on purpose, but it hurt so much that I grabbed her hand out of anger, took her to my room, and said that now she had to sit and think carefully about her behavior. It had such an effect on her that she sobbed for a long time, even after reconciliation.
It seems to me that if I constantly punished her by offering to sit in my room and think, there would be no such reaction.
Dad we love to use the method of deprivation. For example, the daughter after repeated reminders did not clean the room, as a result was deprived of a TV for a week. To be honest, it didn’t really work on her, because she didn’t have time to watch it anyway. To deprive a child of something else, my husband and I do not raise a hand. After all, not in the same dinner to refuse her?
How not to be punished
I think that the punishment should not be humiliating or somehow harm the child. You must also act consistently. You can not deprive a child of a computer for last year’s wrongdoing, even criminal offenses have their own statute of limitations!
Also, I don’t think that it is necessary to invent my own method of influence for each offense, otherwise some tomboy will have a very long list of deprivations.
I think it is not necessary to constantly remind the child of his sins, as well as intimidate him: if you do this, I will punish you. Psychologists advise you not to use Aunt Tom Sawyer’s methods, i.e. to punish with difficulty, it will instill in the child aversion to washing dishes or cleaning.
Here you should write about the inadmissibility of ridiculing a child or comparing it with someone else. It seems to me that many parents are sinning with this – look at Petya / Sveta / Kate, they help / learn lessons / do not throw toys around. Very often you can hear such statements.
What to replace the punishment
To be honest, I do not think there are children in the world who have never been punished in their lives. Probably, one cannot do without it at all, but nevertheless it is worth resorting to punishment as rarely as possible, only as a last resort. First of all, be patient, do not punish the child under the hot hand. Try to talk more often with your son or daughter, to explain in what he or she is wrong.
In general, there is a more effective way – it is praise or reward. A child who is praised for good deeds will try to earn a good attitude again.
Do you think it is possible to raise a child without punishment?