In every child’s life, a crisis is an inevitable and unavoidable phenomenon. Do not believe those parents who say that their children did not have a crisis of three years.
Psychologists, on the contrary, believe that the absence of signs of a cardinal change in the development of the psyche and perception of others at this age is a sign not less disturbing than hysterics and whims that lasted longer than six months. Both speak of internal problems in the psyche of the little man, and, possibly, of developmental delays, and at least of a cardinal revision of educational methods.
My son had a crisis a little earlier than the often announced term – somewhere in 2 years and a little bit. And to be honest, I was not quite ready for him, confused and even a little scared. Was-was a child angel, and here-it is!
Only some time later, I analyzed the behavior of the bojan, read here and there in the literature on the psychology and upbringing of the child, and understood that the crisis is an inevitable phenomenon, but it is individual for each child.
It is not necessary to associate it with any specific concrete age periods – for someone it can start at 2 years, for someone at 4, someone (more often than a girl) will become a whimper and caprice for this period, someone little aggressor and fighter.
How to recognize it?
The crisis of three years is the first crisis of growing up. It is at this moment that the child first feels like an adult. Before that, he was a kind of toy in the hands of his parents, who themselves led his life, and now with this neglect and desire, he wants freedom and independence.
The first bell that the baby is ripe for change is the desire to do everything himself, expressed in words, if he is already good at speaking or acting. We had this infinite I, which suddenly burst out of the sweet Wevek (I mean, Venechka).
So, if your child began to talk about himself in the first person instead of the third – get ready.
Child psychologists identify the so-called magnificent seven signs that young parents will have to face:
– stubbornness and self-will
– Oh, yes, they drank it in full, and at such a small age she was very worried that various extremes in behavior and the not yet developed sense of self-preservation could bring to trouble. There were precedents, but, fortunately, ended with a slight fright.
– they also came across this feature, literally everything was ready to deny, even that which, in principle, I wanted, just not to lose ground in the dispute.
despotism, obstinacy, devaluation of adult authority and protest
– these features were expressed somewhat weaker, but in general, it is possible to define the child’s behavior during the crisis as unstable, it is both hysteria and aggression and mood swings.
How to be poor and unhappy parents?
First, do not panic. At some point, it began to seem to me that such psychos would now always-always-always. Now I can say authoritatively – this is not true, it just seems to be a couple of months of patience and everything is normalizing.
From here immediately follows the second advice – to be patient and understanding mom. Hard, but quite real.
I would advise the crisis not to leave on their fragile women’s shoulders, but to redistribute the load – discuss the problem of the crisis with your husband, grandparents and develop a single (this is very important!), Just a single strategy of behavior.
Despite her patience, she couldn’t convey to her husband’s parents for a very long time that the crisis could not be cured by unquestioning obedience, it only provokes new flashes of bizarre desires and fantasies, cultivates despotism.
In the end, they themselves suffered, complained to me, but stubbornly stuffed candies, bought everything they wanted, went for walks and immediately returned or froze on the site. Yes, and then I had to clear up the glimpses of this disgrace.
I spent a fair amount of time, but I am convinced that it’s not for nothing – during a crisis, you definitely shouldn’t pull the education cart in different directions – it’s harder for yourself and the child.
For myself, I found the main key to get out of the crisis intuitively – I just began to constantly ask my son’s opinion or at least talk in detail about various things I planned to do with him during the day, buy, explain the logic of my judgments and prohibitions, etc. P.
To the question What do you think? It is very difficult to answer yes or no, even with a great desire, and this should be used. This and the child’s thinking will develop and independent, of course, within certain limits will make you feel.
Another way to emphasize the adulthood of a child is adult gifts and the confidence to use adult things.
For us, this was the phone – for any moods and gags, talking on the phone acted simply as a magic wand. Because adults are talking on the phone, which means that they should behave accordingly.
Only this moment needs to be emphasized in every possible way and better at the moment when the baby is in a calm state.
By the way, it is very positive to overcome the crisis – to attract a child to different household chores – to give a rag to dust, to mop up some dust, to put toys in a box, to water the flowers together. The quality of the result in this case is not important, the main thing is again an adult affair!
The same way magically acted joint preparation of the daily routine in a special notebook. In general, it is very useful to adhere to a certain daily routine in terms of different parameters, in particular, repeated, somewhat ritualized actions performed day by day, we have reduced at times the number of wrangles and whims.
The same with adult gifts — when we gave the son a watch — was a bit early, but in general it was then that he learned how to determine time clockwise, his self-esteem seemed to grow at times, and the whims subsided significantly.
But in general, I think it can be any thing — not really a toy that you trust a child completely and completely.
It was this general strategy of attitude towards the child during this period that seemed to me very constructive and correct.
How to deal with hysteria and stormy scenes?
Naturally, we did not manage without unforeseen exacerbations. What better way to do in this case? Long puzzled over this issue.
Do not react at all. At least, I have not learned this. If she saw that her son had rested tightly and we were both on the verge of hysteria, she would begin to joke and tease, tease, and gradually calm down. But then she certainly discussed and analyzed the situation. Long, boring and detailed, with suggestive questions and passages leading to conclusions.
If it didn’t work out in words, they played. Put some performances where toys behaved in a similar way as a son. I tried to pick up similar fairy tales while reading.
If to summarize, so that the whims and tantrums should be less consistently conveyed to the child, what is the point of this or that restriction of his freedom, to show that this is not just a whim of an adult, but a necessity caused by objective reasons.
In general, as in many other difficult issues of upbringing, overcoming the crisis of three years was most of all helped me by love and a very strong desire to understand my child and hear him. So love your kids, be attentive to them and share your recipes for crisis education.