I raised my son without a husband except for the last two years, when a man appeared in my life. Now baby. Mom rendered me tremendous help all these years. The golden man always meets me and takes care of her grandson so that I can completely trust her in this.
I marvel at her patience and worldly wisdom. She is always smooth with the child. Plays and practices with him whenever possible. He tries to find a common language, is able to kindly agree.
Usually, the grandmother agrees this way: first it says what time the child should start cleaning the toys. After the time comes up and reminds you that it’s time to finish the game. The grandson gets up and cleans up after himself. And the responsibility at the same time feels.
I cannot say that it is so easy for her because my child is calm and docile. He loves to show the character, and to swim at the right moment, and he can. Things breaks, parses of children’s scientific curiosity, and often takes them without asking.
Once, quietly, he grabbed his grandmother’s bezmen to take it apart. Grandma scolded, of course, but there was no angle, much less physical punishment. She always does just that. Inspires, explains what is what, why it can not be done. To conscience calls, in a word.
I must say, this model of education works! A child with her calm, cheerful. Less is not a child, that’s what a child is, but I have learned to answer for my words, to feel and admit my guilt.
A new dad appears …
My civil husband is a very good man. He was brought up in the family with an emphasis on respect for parents. For the sake of raising this very respect, even severe penalties were applied. And the punishments themselves were literally just that, on any occasion.
This is the model of upbringing and the husband began to apply to my son. The child raised his voice – in the corner. The child dabbles, does not obey – in a corner. It requires tasty, refuses to eat lunch – again in the corner.
Unaccustomed to such pressure, the son cries, refuses to voluntarily sit on the chair. The husband drags the child by force, tries to seat him again. Son Vanka-vstanka, immediately jumps to his feet …
Son roars louder, literally comes in a scream. Punishment turns into a real childish tantrum …
Mom between two fires
I interfere. Of course, the mother’s heart bleeds from the crying of her own child. I understand with my mind that the child is wrong, but equally, and perhaps even more so, the husband is to blame for the ugly turn of the situation.
Once the punishment has begun, one has to be consistent and withstand a single educational tactic with her husband. Because I sit the child in the corner. I take out the hourglass, discuss with him the time of punishment. Then I take my husband aside and once again try to explain my position.
You can not force a child into a corner by force, without explaining guilt and not trying to make the child ashamed. The child is offended by unfair and cruel treatment.
It is wrong to prove your authority before a child by force. The child will seek to resist violence and rudeness, not recognizing the authority of the fist. All that the child learns – who is stronger, is right.
The very offense of the child goes into the background, removed by the struggle of two worlds, which is also wrong. In addition, if it is customary to punish a child in a family only for serious offenses, is it worth it to introduce a new practice of prolonged systematic incubations in the corner for every reason?
What will be next?
The husband swears that the child grows up with impunity, is not afraid of anyone, does not know how to respect adults, does not obey the first time and ignores the demands of the parents.
It seeks to prove that the only correct measure in such a situation is immediately, until the child is small and it is not too late to get hold of his fists and start punishing him to the fullest extent …
Is my husband right? Maybe my mother and I are too gently raising up like a woman? And with the boys need differently, and then they will grow up and sit on his head? Do you believe my husband’s words that our upbringing will lead to the fact that in the future neither my son nor my grandmother will put a son in anything?