We, adults, can explain a lot to ourselves, convince and change our attitude to any situation. Children more difficult. They still do not have a solid foundation under their feet. And when he turns out to be a shaky support, they panic a lot. For my daughter, the father’s departure from the family is still incomprehensible by the state of things.
In the early days
I admit honestly, the first time when I was asked why my father does not want to spend the night there, I, in a fit of insult, said that he has his own house and he has someone to spend the night with. The child did not calm down, but asked his dad a control question: who is there in your house? Dad answered evasively – when he left, there was no one.
I felt like an idiot who also deceives a child. And I don’t even bother to mention that Dad can live with someone else. Every time a child asked where Dad was, I said – not a workout. And clarified that now he really is in the gym and trains.
And once in a conversation dad mentioned that the cat lives in his house. Several times, when he spoke on Skype with his daughter, showed her this shaggy monster. The child was delighted and somehow explained to me: Dad cannot live with us, because he has a cat at home and needs to take care of him.
I calmed down that finally my daughter received an answer to an exciting question and now she will feel better. But recently I realized that in vain I hoped for it.
Recently, the daughter began to ask the Pope often when he would stay with us for the night. He replies every time that he is not now, now he is waiting for the case number one-two-three. But someday, maybe …
And here I again hear a sad questioning: Mom, why does dad not want to spend the night with us? In the feverish search for an answer, I came to the following formulation: Dad doesn’t like it here. It seemed to me quite neutral and truthful. But children are children. My daughter immediately found a solution: Let’s remove this wallpaper and attach others!
Immediately she began to fantasize that for the room where she would live, we would buy purple wallpapers with horses, and in the second – pink ones and also with unicorns. We will be very beautiful and dad will not stand.
And here I wanted to sit down and cry. I was really going to re-stick this wallpaper this summer, because I can’t live in this barn anymore. But what then to invent and say to the daughter, when these changes are not impressive to the father? And most importantly, that I don’t care what my dad thinks for himself – I don’t see the point in our life together.
How else can you gently open your eyes to reality?