We all know that it is impossible to shout at a child, but it is unlikely that someone has ever succeeded in shouting. And then we suffer with conscience, they say, how could I, and what kind of mother am I after that? I found a way out of this situation.
How is it usually? Due to certain circumstances, the nerves do not stand up when the child is naughty and the mother breaks down. Before that, she restrained herself one, two. I didn’t sleep for a couple of days, wound myself at work or in some kind of personal communication. And then the whims of the child served as a trigger.
The saddest thing is that afterwards you are well aware that you just fell for the child. And therefore you quietly suffer with your conscience, gnawing at yourself with a nibble – the child is not to blame for anything. After much agony, I found a way to break this vicious circle.
I just allowed myself to yell at the child and not to torture myself with samoedism later. Yes, I fell through, but I am also a living person and have the right to emotions of a different spectrum. Moreover, the child is useful to know and understand that the mother is not always fluffy pink fairy. Sometimes she can be angry Baba Yaga.
But wait throw stones at me! Listen to what happened next! After all, afford this – this is only the first step in solving the problem.
After I experienced a storm of emotions a couple of times, it was time to do something with conscience. When, after my cries, I cooled down, came to the child, hugged me and explained why I behaved this way, that I lost my temper. And most importantly, I myself do not like to behave this way.
Over time, I began to notice for myself that, in anticipation of a flash of emotions, I consciously began to look for a way to not develop a conflict. For example, I do not taldych child the same thing in the hope that the daughter will listen to me, but I warn her that my patience will soon end.
Of course, the child does not always turn on the brakes on time, she often ignores these warning signs, and I have to raise my voice again. But most importantly, raising it, I am not involved in this emotion.
Previously, I quickly reached the point of no return and I was carried like a mad horse in a field, so that my neighbors were ashamed to look into the eyes (the acoustics in the Khrushchev houses are excellent, I know from the privacy of the neighbors). Now, in most cases, I remain calm inwardly and can control the situation, although outwardly I express severity.
It happens that the daughter behaves quite unbearable. And this becomes a reason for a serious conversation when we are alone with her. But at the peak of the situation, I learned to control my emotions, which I am incredibly proud of, because it was given a lot of work and more than one month of work on myself.
Do you torture yourself for shouting at a child?