Each of us has our own fears: someone is afraid of heights, someone is insect, and someone is water. Sometimes other people’s fears seem silly and insignificant to us. Often we do not miss the opportunity to scoff at a loved one, using his fear. At such moments, none of us thinks about what emotions a person experiences at that moment.
The moment when a friend paralyzes from horror at the sight of a realistic spider toy in her lap, it seems funny to us. But in fact, we always understand that we are doing absolutely wrong, and we apologize. But no apologies compensate for those seconds of darkness that a person experienced through our fault.
With children, things are much worse. Adults treat children’s fears with a great deal of skepticism and neglect. They do not reckon with children, taking their vain attempts to explain their condition for fiction and sending them to sleep in a dark room, leaving some to bathe in the bathroom … But is it fiction?
Causes of childhood fears
Nothing comes out of nowhere and children’s fears are a direct confirmation of this. If a child who has never feared dogs, becomes hysterical at the sight of the neighbor’s pinscher, with whom he has always played, it means that something happened during that period of time that they had not seen each other. And parents need to strain their memory to find the causes of fear. Without knowing the reasons, it is almost impossible to defeat him, because fear is a deep, subconscious, non-logic emotional state.
The simplest case is fear, which is basically a specific case. For example, I was terribly afraid of spiders — anyone, even firefighters — harmless forest laborers. As soon as I touched the web, I began to shout, I was hysterical. If I saw a spider somewhere, I could no longer force myself to come back to that place. And I just remembered that before this was not.
The memories came unexpectedly — I had to undergo an operation and at the moment when the anesthesia had already begun to act, and the brain began to work somewhat differently, I seemed to be in that moment. We drove for the whole family. I was sitting behind my father, and suddenly I saw a huge cross standing on his shoulder.
I was hardly 10 years old, and he seemed truly enormous even against the background of his father’s broad back. As fascinated, I looked at this monster and could not utter a sound – it seemed to me that it was terribly poisonous and if I dared to move at least a little, it would definitely bite my father. I remember what happened next badly. It seems his father got out of the car and either he or mom shook off the spider from his jacket.
When I came out from under the anesthesia and remembered all this, it became as if breathing easier. After all, in fact, nothing terrible happened – here he is, dad, near. It took a lot of time before I could calmly look at the spiders in computer games, movies … Now, bumping into the web, I calmly take it off of myself and move on. It is unpleasant for me – but I no longer feel panic and that horror, knowing the reason for my fear and having said it to the ear many times.
Much worse if fear has no real reason. These include, for example, instilled fears.
Once I stumbled on a blog entry. The young man talked about how the promise of a mother to give him to an orphanage broke his whole life.
He was only five years old when this happened, but the feeling of hopelessness, not stability and, most importantly, the feeling of non-love remained with him forever. Now, an adult, he understood perfectly well that those terrible words were only a means of influencing a little disobedient boy, but still could not trust people.
Getting rid of such fears is incredibly difficult. After all, there is not only a completely palpable reason for fear – the possibility of losing the closest person, but also the impossibility of influencing the situation. No matter what he did, if mother decided to abandon him, she would do it. It remains only to play the role of the ideal son and wait with horror when she will do it anyway. And no words of love will heal this.
I was amazed to see the number of reviews for this entry. How many people live with a huge non-healing wound in their soul! A wound that even a professional psychologist cannot always help heal.
The third most common cause of fear is children’s fantasy. That is why I am against viewing modern TV. There are too many things that can cause fear. Accidentally seen frame, savoring the accident, can cause a child to panic in front of cars. A scene where children do not accept a child in their community can be tried on for themselves and subconsciously become the expected life scenario.
But not always to blame peeped frames. For example, a family quarrel can also be such a reason. Or the electronic toy which has started talking at night. Therefore, if your child suddenly began to be afraid of something, you should first of all reconsider your behavior and the surrounding life.
There are also age-related fears that almost all children go through. They need to know and closely monitor the first signs of their appearance. The task of the parents in this case is to help the child overcome with his head held high.
So, for children up to a year, the fears of loud noises and strangers are completely normal. Especially if these people are larger than their parents. No matter – higher or larger.
In 2-3 years, children begin to fear loneliness, pain and darkness. Therefore, it will be better if the doors to the rooms are not locked, but the night light is on.
At the age of 3-4 years, the child’s fantasy begins to create monsters. Therefore, many children are again afraid to sleep in the dark.
Before the school itself, many children learn about death, about the fact that a dead person can no longer be seen or embraced. You can’t talk to him. That death is forever. Therefore, they are beginning to be afraid of what death can bring – for example, diseases.
Ways to fight fear
If fear gives the child and family anxiety, then there is only one way out – to look for a good psychologist. Because, unfortunately, it is very difficult to get rid of it yourself.
You can only weaken a little, using methods such as conversation, pronouncing fear. The main thing is to start such a conversation only in a calm atmosphere and with confidence that no one will interrupt you. You also need to prepare yourself to ensure that your reaction to any words of the child will be adequate. That is, no ridicule, understatement and contempt for the child’s feelings should be.
The worst thing you can do is say something like this is nonsense or you shouldn’t be afraid of it. Best of all, if you tell how they themselves were able to defeat fear.
You can draw fear, and then solemnly burn (do not forget about security at this moment) and dispel the ashes to the wind. My daughter was raised on the Scandinavian sagas, so we went to bury our fear on the surf line so that fear could not return again.
In any case, the child should always feel your support, you should always be on his side. Be reminded that it is safe near you that you will do everything for the sake of its safety and well-being. In no case can not blame the child for his fears – it will not become better from this, but worse – it may even become.
If these methods do not help, it is better to contact a qualified specialist who has many more ways in his arsenal.