I always thought that my hand would never rise to children. But it so happens that I can slap on the pope for spilled paint on the carpet and many other Skoda.
Even if they are tagging after both children, they will still find and use every opportunity to nest somewhere. It is necessary to turn away – as a favorite flower, for which he had so long been courting and cherishing, was torn off without regret and remorse …
Here’s how to be here? Sometimes, anger just rolls over. And then you have to punish and give the pope. The belt here serves as the role of a frightening subject. I do not beat him, but simply say that he is, and I can punish them.
Education of old times
What am I talking about? About education. After all, it is known from time immemorial – raising a carrot and stick. This method is considered the most common. Did you know this, heard? After all, our society has long known that it is necessary to praise all good things and encourage them in every way, and punish them for bad things.
You know, they didn’t beat me in childhood. Threaten – yes, they could. But I was a late child, apparently and desired, so the parents did not raise their hands. But the older brother received constantly. I think this is wrong. And I bring up my children in exactly the same way. We have no differences by age or gender. Who is to blame – and he earns. And then my brother developed an inferiority complex and a constant lack of confidence in the love of parents.
Why do we punish and encourage our children? So that they understand how to behave correctly, what can be done and what cannot? True, of course. Indeed, depending on our reaction to what is happening in children, behavioral models are developed. That is, the children draw the appropriate conclusions, and then themselves are carriers of such a system of values.
What do you think is wrong with this method, if you think carefully? As for me, this is an attitude towards the child. After all, we are trying to train him (as a pet), to lay down our value system at the level of his understanding, without asking, strictly speaking, his desires. After all, we bypass his internal problems, experiences, his internal state and needs. Selfish, isn’t it? The child, perhaps, wants something else, not what his parents offer him.
If everything is decided for the child (in which circle to go, with whom to be friends, and with whom not to be found, than to play), then there is a high probability of raising a person who is unsure of himself, whom you yourself will later blame for his lack of independence and affection for you. I just know a lot of such cases. But the most offensive is that the mother does not want to admit her guilt and the obvious wrong approach.
Of course, a child can be trained to apologize, apologize and understand that he has done something wrong. But this is such an unpleasant feeling of shame, humiliation, which gives rise to self-doubt. And this, in turn, generates a lot of complexes that can destroy a person as a person. As a result, the baby asks for forgiveness out of habit, because it is necessary, so taught, and not because he sincerely repents and asks for forgiveness.
I noticed that many kids just in such cases try to hide their bad deed. They do not want to ask for forgiveness, it’s easier just to cover their tracks. And many have developed the notion that now I ask for an apology, and everything will be fine. After all, parents are just waiting for this. He asked for an apology and went on further … But in such cases the children are not themselves, they just make an impression on others.
I like this method more. But this is what my children use. They enjoy my kindness and concessions. Indeed, in any situation, I am going to meet my children and am ready to support them at any time. From here – some kind of spoiled, affection for me. And many speak to me about it. Am I really so kind? I consider myself on the contrary strict, but sometimes I concede. As you can see, if you often use the method of gingerbread – also a mistake.
It is necessary to teach to ask, speak, explain a lot. It’s hard for me. I realized that it was difficult for me to raise children. Sometimes I do not understand the nature of the child, his needs. I often interrupt the natural desire to be with my mother by those dogmas that you need to go to the kindergarten, and I have to work, now I need to tidy up or wash the dishes, we will not walk today, but we will be tomorrow or after tomorrow.
Have you encountered this? I do not know how to be. It really wants to be a good mom!