The fact that children are excellent manipulators, many parents know firsthand. Emotional blackmail is the most unscrupulous type of child (and not only) manipulation, in other words, a process when a child tries to get what he wants by hook or by crook.
It may sound ordinary, but the main reason is our personal example. And indeed, I even noticed after myself that what I consider feminine cunning to be the most common emotional blackmail against a spouse.
Therefore, even if I use this tactic of getting what I want, I try to do so that my daughter does not see it.
Many consider the parents’ phrases to be innocuous. But I will not love you, If you don’t obey, look for another mom, And then I will go home without you, etc. Even if you say these words with irony or in jest, 9 chances out of 10 that the child uses them against you.
Only in adolescence can it be And then I will leave home / jump out of the window, etc. It seems to me that parental love is a kind of indestructible stronghold, about the strength of which the child should not be doubted. And indeed, what kind of love is it that will disappear if the baby does not remove the toys behind him?
I always try to keep the promises given to my daughter. And the fact that I can not perform, I never promise. After all, the way to achieve the desired with the help of the sweetest promises is one of the types of emotional blackmail. Sometimes I have to hear something like that from my daughter (mommy, well, buy, I promise to write all the recipes and I will always obey you, always), in these cases I try not to forget about the promises and wait for its fulfillment.
We, the parents, determine for ourselves whether the children’s scheme of emotional blackmail works or not. Theoretically, I strive to ensure that my daughter understands that my no means exactly no and nothing else. That is why, before answering, I always think a few times in order not to change my decision later.
Otherwise, the child may think that the change in the mother’s decision caused his actions – tears, screams, requests, etc.
Some children’s psychologists advise to ignore children’s tantrums even to leave the battlefield – to leave the room and leave the child alone with their emotions. This method seems to me too cruel, I believe that it is better to calm the child, sometimes there are enough hugs or a kiss.
It is equally important to correctly argue the reason for the refusal. It should not be monosyllabic, but a detailed answer with an explanation of the reason why not, what the consequences may be, etc.
Another effective technique is to translate conflicts into a joke. For example, in response to if you don’t buy me candy, then I don’t love you, but I love you for the two of us accompanying the phrase with a smile and a hug.
It is often very difficult to hold on to emotions, especially when fatigue, bad weather and heavy bags with uncomfortable shoes come together. No matter how difficult it was, but I try to either breathe more deeply, or count to myself, or try to distract my daughter with something else.
After all, this scheme is striking in its simplicity: the child brought the mother – she screamed at the child – she had a feeling of guilt, which she seeks to atone for concessions and gifts. But do not forget that children grasp everything on the fly, and if the method works, then it will be used more than once.
Raising a child is a difficult process, because it is not yet known how sideways our mistakes may come out in the future. Who knows, maybe the threat of unhappy lovers about suicide – this is precisely the reason for my mother’s And will I leave the site without you?
Our children are our face, and their upbringing should begin with ourselves, otherwise there will be no effect.