Recently, the child constantly blackmails me. If I do not allow something, he says to me: Choose: either this way or that way! When I am not led to this, it makes a real tantrum with terrible screams, tears and stomping. Now I have developed a whole strategy how to react to it.
I, of course, understand where this behavior comes from. When she really wanted to or didn’t want something, I told her what options she had for getting out of the situation and offered to choose. Now I get the same blackmail as a boomerang.
In response to my demands to eat soup first, and then sweets, I hear: Mom choose, or I eat marmalades now, or you will never again give me soup! But the most terrible threat (in her opinion) is to go live with dad.
It’s one thing when it’s all played out at home. Neighbors that really is, got used. Another when on the street among strangers. In general, I don’t care what others think about us there, but the educational tools in this case are very limited.
At the same time, the child does not restrain himself: he cries excitedly at the top of his voice, desperately stomps his feet and even tries to swing at me. But for the time being, he restrains himself and puts the evil out on something else.
The first rule that I follow is to not stop emotions. I don’t remember where and from where I took this rule, but emotions, especially a child, need to be thrown out. The only thing I follow is the degree of their intensity. Still, I am still responsible for the health of the child.
The second important rule is not to be blackmailed. Do you want to go live with your dad? Please, I can even collect things, and where the door is, you know. A five-year-old child is a little sober. But, I feel that in my teens, tactics will have to be changed.
Then I try to figure out the cause of the hysteria, if it is incomprehensible, and with leading questions to help the child get out of the situation. But more often there are situations when it is overwhelmed with emotions, and she herself cannot understand what is happening.
These are the cases when we wind up with some trifles, and then we go: the sun does not shine so much, and the leaves fall wrong, and the asphalt does not lie as it should. In this case, the problem is usually in some physiological states: it wants to drink, eat, sleep, but does not understand it itself.
Worse, when none of the proposed is accepted, but the hysteria continues. Then I act simply – completely ignore. I go to another room, or send a daughter there. Very often, having lost an audience, she stops hysterics. It’s not easy to do on the street.
The most effective method is humor. Twisting the situation and describe it in such a way that it is simply impossible not to smile. And at the same time even children cannot cry and laugh. True, you need to be in the resource state for this.
When you have the only desire – to flop your face in a pillow and sleep until morning, then somehow you don’t get very funny.
And how do you get out of such situations?