I have one acquaintance who is distinguished by extreme insolence and flimsy. Her son is growing about the same. Before, I was sure that it was all about temperament. But I recently attended a conversation with an acquaintance with her mother and realized that everything is much more complicated …
Causes of cheek
Always admired the determination of this friend, her self-confidence. She doesn’t care if she can do something or not. Has lit up with idea – goes and does, studying everything along the way. She didn’t like someone or something – she strongly sends to hell. But at the same time, he always knows how to keep himself in relative frames of decency.
According to her stories, she was always the most daring at school. As a female language – for the word in his pocket did not climb. And very soon for reprisals – if someone dismissed his tongue, she could take up assault on her. In general, the fire-girl.
I was always sure that the reason for her behavior was exclusively in the choleric temperament. Her son is the same, with an awl in the right place, a suspended tongue and a little impudent kind. The conclusion about an apple and an apple tree arises, but the other day I completely revised my views on their behavior.
Came to visit her. Her mother hangs out the laundry after washing. And here it turns out that the daughter put her son’s black pants into the typewriter, but the grandmother did not see, she loaded there bright things. As a result, his pants, which tomorrow he should wear to school, are all in white pellets.
It seems to be the usual household situation. But the grandmother begins to chastise her daughter with phrases like No, well, do you have something in your head ?! What place do you think you think ?! And so about five minutes without ceasing. And this is not something that would be in the presence of a grandson. In my presence – a completely left person.
A friend at the same time takes all the attacks for granted. The situation is wild for me. First, among my relatives, no one uses such formulations regarding me. Secondly, I could not even think that this friend of mine would tolerate such attacks to her side, even from her mother.
And then I realized that this her insolence and flimsy is a reaction to pressure from her mother’s authority. Mom still treats her like a stupid child, despite the fact that the child is far beyond the age of 30. And this child cannot defend his personal boundaries with his mother, although he does not tolerate temperament.
So it turns out that she compensates for this pressure with bold behavior in society. Moreover, in the same way behaves in relation to the son. And he, too, with a mobile psyche, reacts to the pressure of her mother’s authority with a confusion.
And what about me?
Of course, I immediately mentally conducted an audit of my relationship with my own child. It’s hard for me to immediately adequately assess how tactfully I behave towards her. Although our dad in each of his parish gasps and groans that the child is undisciplined and spoiled.
Dad, for some reason, it is difficult to understand that his daughter sees him at best once a week and then 4-5 hours. She misses him and upon arrival demands his undivided attention, therefore she achieves this in all possible ways. And since at this time she is emotionally wound up, she usually uses screams, tears and tantrums.
Still, the example of a friend made me notice some of my own, as it seems to me, mistakes in communicating with my daughter. We must learn to give her more independence and rely on her abilities, to give her the right to make her own mistakes.
I did something wrong, I estimated the result – I made conclusions. After all the unpleasant and failed steps, I immediately try to analyze the flights: why, what and how happened. And at the same time, the most important thing is not to get personal and evaluate neither the daughter nor the other participants in the situation. Personal boundaries are sacred.
And you manage not to violate the personal boundaries of the child?