I would like to start my topic with a small background. I will not go deep, because the story is alien, but I have a direct relation to it, and it has been deposited in my memory and my heart for life. It happened exactly 2 years ago, at the end of January.
At that time I was five months pregnant, and my eldest daughter was 2 years 8 months. The weather was frosty and snowy. My husband went to work at night and my daughter and I went about our business, but someone began to ring the door bell. Usually I don’t open the door to anyone, but they started to clatter heavily and I went to open.
Imagine my surprise when I saw an acquaintance of a child, without a week, 7 years old, standing with one sled! We communicate well with families and more than once visited each other, but the children themselves did not go. We live in a 20-minute walk from each other. Try to imagine my shock!
First, the child managed to get through the intercom door, and secondly, I could get through the vestibule and 2 more entrance doors! She asked me to visit me a little bit. Having a little recovered breath, she told that mum and dad went to bring the younger brother (3 months) with the stroller home and she heard how they slammed the door, and decided that they forgot about her!
In fact, she herself asked for another walk, and when they came down after 5 minutes, she was gone. I want to note that I know this child since 2 years old, and I have not yet met such a golden and problem-free child. She is obedient, responsible and not particularly harmful.
But even such children are not alien to jealousy. Her mother has already traveled around the city with the police and I will not even describe their meeting in my house, the tears still come to light.
Of course, I made conclusions for myself from this story, and I wanted to avoid such a situation in my family, especially since my eldest daughter’s character was not sweet since birth.
But no matter how I became, I could not avoid jealousy. My daughter was waiting for the little sister very much and asked all the time when she would come out and even tried to persuade her to do it quickly. She even wanted to help her, and gently pressed her tummy.
We put her sofa in the same place where she slept in the arena, next to us. For the younger one, I freed the regiment in my wardrobe, so as not to infringe upon the older one and leave her her dresser, tried to go somewhere without the younger one, so that all the attention would be hers.
Of course, then everything was not very smooth. I was guilty in many ways. The younger one slept disgustingly, at night she constantly had to be carried in her arms, it developed by leaps and bounds. At 4 months, I could not keep her on the couch, and from 5 months she was already crawling on the floor.
Therefore, the nerves were on the limit and the eldest got it automatically. Increasingly, she heard wait, be patient, do not bother me, I have no time, I’m busy, look at the cartoons.
She also wanted to put her pussy to sleep, and walk next to me and sing songs, also wanted to drink from a bottle and suck off. She, too, had to be worn constantly in her arms, sing songs to her before going to bed, in general, to behave with her as with a younger one. But I, too, is not iron and just did not have the strength.
She wanted to do everything first: go into the elevator, wash her hands, eat, drink. But this was not always possible, because I had to roll out the wheelchair first from the elevator. I had to feed the screaming baby first of all when we came from the street, etc.
Grandmas also added fuel to the fire, telling her that she should help her mother, that she should already understand something, give way to the younger one, share toys and books with her.
As a result, jealousy gained momentum, psychos began out of the blue. Slipped phrases – I do not like my sister. Any comment was not perceived, it began precisely hysteria. Of course, the child felt that the younger one was drawn more, they paid more attention to her, and this was undoubtedly our fault.
She tried to do the same as the younger one, but no one laughed at her, but only said that you were already an adult and should not do that. The younger one took the toys and pencils from her, when she drew, dismantled the towers from the designer, crumpled her drawings. It was impossible to isolate another room, because she simply could not sit in one place.
And we tried to explain that she was small, she would grow up and wouldn’t do so, that soon you would play together, but everything was not the way it was wanted, and again the elder got it because she was pushing and hitting the younger one. In an instant, I realized that something had to be done urgently.
Campaign to the psychologist
And we went to a child psychologist. I can not say that she told me something new, seemingly ordinary things, but for some reason they worked on everyone, and I came to my senses. Changed the tactics of their behavior and life went in a new way:
1. I began to prohibit the younger to pick up toys, pencils, even if she started to scream, I gave back to the older one.
2. I tried to let her do everything first.
3. I found a few cartoons that completely suited both.
4. My daughter always wore a younger porridge in a bottle before bedtime.
5. Constantly began to say the eldest, that I love her, that I have two favorite daughters,
6. All the time praised her, even for those things that she did for a long time.
7. If the youngest asks for cookies, I give and tell her to share with my sister, even if the older one has not eaten the main thing yet.
The eldest, not realizing that I am asking to share, always with delight informs me that Arishka gave her cookies and how good she is, that she shares with her.
7. Sometimes I specifically scold the younger one so that the older one can hear it, giving a little pope to the show when she bothers her.
If the younger one was pushing her, I said that she wanted to hug, if she prevented her from doing something, I said that she misses you and wants to play with you. The elder understood everything, but she wanted to believe it.
Now everything is fine with us and I am happy that the elder loves the younger one very much, even asks me not to scold her, she says that she will grow up and will not do that, wears a younger towel in the bath and does not allow anyone to offend her. Always kisses and hugs her.
Did you have jealousy in children?