I remember my concern when I first began to let my daughter go for a walk in the yard with her friends. Every 15 minutes I went to the balcony to see how she was there. I understood that sooner or later I had to decide on this step and, first of all, to understand myself that my child was already growing up. When she goes to school, I will not be with her, we both have to get used to it.
When I was a little girl, we, like me, with shacks, ran together in the courtyard since we learned how to keep our feet and at least somehow explain ourselves. Probably from 3 years exactly. Our yard was closed from all sides, our parents couldn’t worry too much.
When I started to let my daughter go to my girlfriends, she was almost 4. Our yard was not closed: cars, rare passersby – of course, I was restless, and I controlled her whereabouts permanently.
But where to go when there is a full yard of children, including her one-year-old, plus or minus a year or two? She wants to kids, but I need to engage in cleaning, cooking and have time to work. We agreed with her in advance where to go, and fortunately, at that age she strictly followed these rules.
Phones girlfriends parents and constant monitoring!
A little later, I had to take another bold step — to let Zhenya go. We were not friends with the mother of a daughter’s girlfriend, even though we lived in the same courtyard, for example, a brief acquaintance. I asked my daughter for Katya’s mother to write her phone number on a piece of paper, and let her go. Then Katya came to visit us already.
Then I began to let Zhenya go to the school playground, across the street from the courtyard, on the condition that Katya’s grandfather was there with them. From time to time it was necessary to check whether the grandfather was really there and what they were doing. The presence of a grandfather has always been confirmed.
But I myself once thought up for my parents Dasha’s dad, who allegedly goes with us on a picnic to the beach, through the forest. Then, after a lot of time, it somehow became clear, and my parents for a long time recalled the mythical Dasha’s father.
Personal space as my home is my castle
A few months before the fifth anniversary, Zhenya acquired her own territory in an apartment. Before that, we all lived together in the same room, but, of course, for a long time on different beds. My husband and I did not dare to move to another room for a long time, since it is a passing one. And grandfather was still living with us – well, you know, not very convenient.
My daughter didn’t immediately appreciate the advantages of her personal territory: in the evenings she came to complain that she couldn’t sleep, or at night she went to the toilet, didn’t come to her place, but climbed to my side. And I didn’t always want to evict her. But, nevertheless, she got used to fall asleep herself in an empty room and nightly hookings ceased.
But she soon realized that she could close the door to the room and play with toys alone or invite girlfriends. Of course, I can check what she does there: knock and stop by. On the other hand, it is her fortress: offended by her ancestors, pouted and went to her. Cool down.
The only thing we have not learned so far is to stay at home alone. That is, I am ready for this and tried to practice it when my daughter was about 6. Usually, this was necessary, when I needed to go to work, and my husband had not yet returned. The window without parents usually turned out small: 20-30 minutes. But each time a tear drama came out of it.
Sometimes I gave in and waited for my husband, sometimes I turned around and left. Even now, we are far from having an agreement, although I’m not worried anymore, but my daughter is afraid. A matter of habit: will remain, get used, I think so.
When did you decide to go for a walk on your own and stay at home alone?