Every mother is happy if she has an independent baby. My mother was also happy. And once, while I enthusiastically played in the sandbox with other children, he and his father decided to go to my grandmother for a minute.
Granny lived nearby, and the whole trip took no more than 10 minutes. When the parents came back, my mother noticed a little girl who was walking down the street alone. Look – she told her father – a dress like our Olesya.
In general, I never got to my grandmother – they intercepted. And in the future the case is no longer presented.
Mom laughs when she tells this story, but now I understand that then she was not funny. Imagine how your three-year-old kid one goes through the roadway, where the adequacy of every fifth driver can be safely questioned, and stomps down the street. It’s good that we have a small town and the movement is weak.
And it all started with the fact that the crumb learned to dress himself, tie his shoelaces, and now mom wouldn’t rejoice – what an independent baby she has. And the kid understands – he made it himself, it means well done. The more he performs independent actions and decisions, the more his mother is satisfied. And who does not want to please my mother?
And what will happen if, from infancy, one is given him complete freedom and a minimum of help (today such an approach to education is not uncommon)?
Most likely, the child will indeed grow into an independent person, but he will have to go through a lot of mistakes and failures (injuries, stress, conflicts), which could have been avoided without harm to enrich life experience.
Sometimes these kids do not feel the interest of parents in their lives, do not feel care. It is not difficult to guess that from this in the future many problems may develop, both in relations with the child and in his attitude to life.
In the end, the child may just get confused at the moment when he needs to make another choice. And he will not ask for help, so as not to appear to the mother as a non-self-sufficient child or foreseeing (sometimes far-fetched) her unwillingness to help with the choice.
But if you constantly take care of a child, everything is decided for him – how will he grow a person? Most likely, he will not be able to live without his mother in the future. Do not learn how to make decisions.
Therefore, it is important for parents not to fall into one of these extremes, and to do everything possible to be proud of the independence of their offspring, but at the same time to be sure that the child will not make rash actions because of this.
It is important not only to teach the child to make a choice, it is important to teach him to make it consciously.
I remembered the story described in some women’s magazine. One star mom went for a walk with her daughter, dressed only in a light dress and blouse.
Mom, dressed in a warm coat, quite appropriate to the weather, explained that the daughter herself chose such clothes, and the parent could not influence her in any way.
Probably, in this situation it would be enough to have a clear and detailed explanation of the consequences of the wrong choice of clothes (frozen — ill — you’ll have to be treated). The main thing is not to overreact and not to intimidate the child.
In other words, giving the child the right to choose is necessary, but our task is to give him full information about the consequences of this choice. And in the case of objective necessity, gently insist on your own.
Up to 10 years you can not show a child scissors (fork, glue, etc.), but you can teach him to use these items much earlier, but to say that for now he will work with them only in the presence of his mother, otherwise you can get hurt.
Of course, in the second case, parents will need more time and effort, but this is not a waste of irreplaceable resources, but a contribution to the future of your baby.