Brothers and sisters, senior and junior … How to survive in a large family with children
In families with children, and such on the ground most, parents often find themselves between two, three, four lights. The rivalry of brothers and sisters, the elders with the younger ones, creates many serious problems.
They will have to be solved. And it is better to prepare for this.
psychologist, gestalt-therapist, clinic Private psychotherapeutic practice, Odessa
It is not the order of the emergence of a child as such, but its perception of the situation that is important: the importance of the child to his position within the family, the influence of the order of birth on the style of his life depends.
Family is a small planet. And the situation on it depends on what the babies will become, when they grow up, their character, profession, attitude to their own children.
The closest people after Mom and Dad are a sister, brother. Children have to learn to live with each other, to make peace, to share everyday life and holidays. Difficulties in the relationship between children in the family inevitably develop into conflicts with parents.
As a rule, the attitude of parents to children is strictly dependent on the order of their birth and sex. Mothers and fathers find it difficult to open their eyes to their injustice, inflated expectations, harmful stereotypes that accompany families with several children.
Conclusion. Unrealized desires like wanted a girl, but the third boy turned out, disappointment, explicit or hidden, in the child, the absence of unconditional love.
All this undermines the child’s confidence in himself. And without this quality you can not grow up happy.
Let’s consider some positions in which children fall depending on a sex and an order of occurrence on light.
The senior child is responsible, organized, serious and punctual. Solves all conflicts, often replaces the mother in the care of younger children, with the most need for attention and love. Parents often forget that the oldest child does not mean an adult, and instructs him to do things that are not suitable for a small person, exceeding his capabilities.
Such shifting of responsibility traumatizes, and if the older child does not cope, for example, with the care of the younger, then he has more complexes and insecurities. Often, the inability of parents to instill in their older children a sense of self-worth leads to the fact that all their lives they suffer from a hyper-high sense of duty and exactingness, they can not say no when it is necessary.
He does not conflict, up to a certain age, he calmly allows himself to be treated like a living toy: for example, he tolerates art experiments on waving his hair, make-up and other maiden wisdoms. A girl growing up among older brothers inevitably learns from them to be strong, competitive, able to find interest in active sports.
Conclusion. Parents can reduce the intensity of competition, which always takes place in sibling relationships, refusing to compare children. Providing each child with enough parental care, as well as their own space for development, adults will undoubtedly win themselves and help their crumbs not to get extra complexes.
They want Dad and Mom or not, but they will have to find the time to give each karapuzam separately an equal amount of attention, to penetrate into all the details of their life, experiences, fears. Otherwise, there will be problems. Teamwork - joint games and lessons for kids - also need to be supported.
We will have to give up one child as an example to follow for others and avoid favoritism. Talk to the kids about their experiences, and this will relieve tension.
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