Recently met with one friend. Since I have acquired an obvious tum, talk about pregnancy cannot be avoided. She is 25 years old, she is married, but she admits that she does not want children yet. Although her mother and her husband are already hinting that I would like grandchildren. I’m not ready, – says the girl. To which I replied to her that, in my opinion, it is impossible to be ready for this at any age. But I supported her in the fact that if you don’t want children yet, then you don’t have to give in to mothers and give birth to them.
Why is it difficult to be ready for the appearance of children?
I believe that after the birth of the first child, even if it is very desirable, the woman’s life changes dramatically, and without experience, it is extremely difficult for her to predict how everything will turn out. That’s why I believe that hardly anyone can say with confidence: I am ready to have children!, Quite another: I want to have children!
Of course, it is not worthwhile to generalize too much, but after all, an adult self-sufficient woman under 40 can hardly be 100% sure of her readiness. I even suspect that she even less imagines life after the appearance of the baby. After all, she used to live without children.
The first child completely changes the daily routine of the woman. She has to sacrifice her personal time, which she used to spend, for example, on cosmetic procedures or shopping trips. When you are pregnant and walk in high spirits, everything seems to be nothing. And then comes the real test for women and for couples in general.
By the appearance of the second child, you can be ready, but this is another story. And for the first child, in my opinion, it is important to have a strong desire to become a mother, which will help to overcome all difficulties. When this desire is not ripe, hints of potential grandmothers and thoughts about public opinion: All friends with children. It’s time I can push me to the wrong decision.
Growing up later
My mom’s first child was born when she was 22. The second was at 29, and she was told that she was aging. My mother-in-law first became a mother in 20 years. And then it was normal. Now many are eager to gain financial independence, including girls, and are in no hurry to get married and have children. No one is surprised when the first child is born at 30 – 35 years.
I had a fad – to give birth to 25 years. I was led to public opinion, which is supported by the words of physicians, that the first birth before this age is the best option. But I did not have to regret, a year after the wedding, our spouse had a mutual desire: We want a baby! And despite this strong desire, I had to break my temper during pregnancy. And then there was postpartum depression. Probably, only when my daughter was a couple of years old, I really got used to being a mother and fully realized my status.
I sometimes think, but how many children are born unplanned and even unwanted! It is not surprising that they receive less of their portion of parental attention, love.
When does the turn of the second child come?
I am skeptical about aerial marriages. There are rare exceptions when strong families appear in such situations. In my opinion, civil marriage is much more honest and correct. Although children still have to be born in a formal marriage.
I heard that sometimes women decide to have a second child in order to glue the family together. And one of my friends dared to take such a step in order to give her husband an incentive to earn more, and not be lazy. Well this is generally a disaster! If a discord has arisen between a husband and wife, to use the child as a medicine in a relationship is at least frivolous.
In general, in my opinion, the second child should be no less desirable than the first, and be born to the joy of mom and dad. When?
In my opinion, this question has no definite answer. One of my friends has two daughters with a difference of almost two years. The girls get along great and occupy each other. The neighbor – two boys with the same difference, and they constantly quarrel and fight.
I often heard that it is best when the second one is born in 6–7 years. In fact, this happens very often, but I cannot say that the children are always friendly and the elder helps the mother to take care of the baby. Although another plus to such a scheme: the doctors say that the woman’s body managed to fully relax after the first birth and is best prepared for a new pregnancy. But the second birth after 10 years for medical reasons are considered as the first.
Childless … and happy?
Another friend of mine is smart, beautiful, well-groomed, very demanding of men, perhaps because she is lonely. She is 32 years old and she confidently says that she does not want children. It did not work out earlier, but now it is not necessary. I feel good, she says. Do you believe her colleagues? I can believe that a woman does not want to have children until there is financial stability. When there is no worthy man around, it’s probably also wrong to give birth for yourself. But so that, forever decide that children are not needed in her life? – I do not believe.
And when did you want to have children?