As my daughter grows up, I more and more often come across a manifestation of her character. This is not the same quiet baby, who was sitting in a stroller or sling and staring around. Now my daughter wants to take, play and break everything that is impossible. And as soon as she encounters resistance on her way, shouts and cries begin.
Recently, my daughter has a new feature. As soon as something happens not according to her desire, she sits down on the floor and starts screaming hysterically. All the time I wonder where it came from? None of us with my husband does not behave this way.
Often, on the way to the playground, I see another mother dragging her child towards the house, and she squeals heart-rendingly. Often this picture can be seen in the store.
Possible causes of tantrums
I, as a psychologist by training, believe that any child’s behavior has a reason. Her parent must find if he wants to raise not just a comfortable, quiet baby, but a harmonious and self-confident personality.
Often, young children cry from discomfort, not being able to understand its cause: hunger or cold, pain or fatigue.
But suppose that the reason for the parent is clear, and the question arises, what next? How to behave with a child screaming in the street?
My prevention methods
1. First and foremost is prevention.
For example, I do not go to the store with my daughter, if I know that she is not indifferent to bright packages. I do not take her for a walk on an empty stomach or before bedtime.
2. We are responsible for our words.
If I have already told the child no, then I stand to the end on my own. Otherwise, the child may conclude that the word parent means little. And no, you can turn it into a yes with a tantrum.
3. Do not create undue stress.
Perhaps, in a family where the child is always nothing, he wants everything at once. Therefore, I try not to forget to regularly delight my child with pleasant surprises.
My response methods
If the hysteria has already begun, I will use one of the following methods to stop it.
The younger the child, the better this method works. You can quickly captivate the baby with a new event – a flying bird or a dog running past.
2. A change of scenery.
This method is similar to the previous one. It works by changing the situation. Well suited for the termination of tantrums that begin in a crowded place (shop, bus, etc.).
It is necessary to take the child in his arms to face him, firmly press and pull out of the room on the street.
3. Sound calm.
This method works very well with small children. It is necessary to take the baby in your arms, firmly press your face to yourself, lightly slap him on the back with a palm and produce a shh shh sound on the ear.
The effectiveness of this method lies in the fact that the hissing sound, slight rocking and close space reminds the baby about the time when it was with mom in the stomach.
I remember the story that my friend Lera told me. As a child, she saw her friend skillfully manipulate her parents with the help of hysterics. Lera came home and decided to test this method on her parents.
As soon as the opportunity fell, Lera fell to the floor and threw a fit. Parents looked at each other, got up and went to the kitchen to drink tea. Lera did not like to roll a tantrum without an audience and she went for her parents.
Parents clarified, she came to communicate normally or roll on the floor? Having made certain conclusions for herself, Lera chose normal communication. This was the first and only time when Lera tried to throw a tantrum in front of her parents at a conscious age.
I believe that this method is perfect for younger children. At least, my daughter also does not always understand the meaning of the cry without the presence of spectators and calms down.
5. Sounding desires.
Young children often cannot understand for themselves why they are so eager to cry. A bee had just flown near, but now something strange and unpleasant has happened and it is urgently necessary to draw the attention of parents to this.
If the reason for the crying child is clear (for example, a bee sting), then parents can greatly alleviate the child’s suffering by identifying and dividing his pain.
To do this, the parent must loudly, several times, with the intonation that would be inherent in the baby in a given situation, speak through what happened.
– The bee flew and bitten Ksyushenka. Ksyusha hurts! Painfully! Painfully! Ayayaya! Ayayaya! Ayayaya!
If the child fell:
– Ksyushenka fled-fled and bus! Fell off! It hurts Ksyushenka! Painfully! Painfully!
It is important that the words were few, they were as simple and clear to the kid. And do not forget about emotions. In my case, with the one-and-a-half year old child, this method works perfectly!
6. Talk with the baby.
This method is designed for older children than my daughter. He is very good not only for calming the baby, but also for his learning to recognize his own feelings.
This method is well described by Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter in her numerous works. And it also consists in defining and sharing with the child his feelings and emotions.
For example, on returning from kindergarten, the child is very moody, misbehaves, and you suspect that something happened in kindergarten. Ask the baby directly What is wrong with you? meaning is not always the case.
This is where this method of conversation with the child comes to the rescue. The parent should in an affirmative form, in short phrases, try to find out from the child the reason for such behavior:
– Ksyushenka, I see you’re angry.
– Someone offended you in kindergarten.
– You and Masha could not share something.
Thus, the parent is not just trying to find out from the child the reason for the change in mood and calm him down. He actively participates in the child’s life and makes him understand that he knows and understands everything.
And even if the child says no, he will still know that the bitterness of his feelings is shared with an adult and he will feel better. And in the process of clarifying the circumstances and the crying of the baby will come to naught.
At least, the author of this technique assures this.
And what do you know how to respond to the tantrums of the child?