Главная 7 Little kids 7 If it’s hard with the baby, little ones

If it’s hard with the baby, little ones

In the third year of life, my little daughter began to gradually become a person. This formation is accompanied by a crisis for both of us. And to the extent that I began to grab the books in search of answers to my many questions.

Why does a child misbehave? Why did he stop obeying? How to influence your baby? What should parents do if it is difficult with a child? All these and many other questions have been haunting me for about a month now.

During this time I read a lot, tried a lot, and this is what impressed me most.

Now the so-called attachment theory is very popular. Its main message is that all children are good. And they behave in an impartial manner, because they experience strong discomfort and do not know how to cope with it otherwise. But first things first.

I think you heard that children come to this world prematurely. In a good way, their maturation and preparation for life outside the maternal womb should not last 9, but 18 months.

But bad luck, in this case, he will simply be unable to pass through the birth canal of a woman. The reason for this:

a) big head, as a sign of a developed brain

b) narrow pelvis of a woman, as a result of human upright walking

Thus, the baby is born prematurely, completely incapable. The human calf is the most unadapted to life baby of all on Earth. Therefore, the next 9 months it should be reported on the mother’s hands, in the truest sense of the word.

Knowing this, nature rewarded the baby with an instinctive need for an adult nearby. Such a need lives in a child from birth and right up to the transitional age, that is, up to 10-12 years. And all this time, the basic need of a baby is having a strong, confident, accepting adult nearby.

If this need is not met, the child’s development will lag far behind. The kid needs an adult and tries with all his might he likes.

And what about bad behavior?

So, bad behavior is nothing more than a test of the strength of the connection between a child and an adult.

I think all parents are familiar with the situation when, for example, after the arrival of the guests in the house, the children are not recognized. The first calm and independent baby begins to actively demand attention, asking for hands, calling parents to play, act up.


Everything becomes aggravated if one of the guests begins to comment on this situation. Comments like: here is a sissy, did you spoil the child or did you have to be stricter with him only aggravates the situation. Especially if the parents take the side of the guests, not their baby.

What happens to the baby

In fact, what happens in a child’s head can be described with the following metaphorical example. Imagine you are walking on the edge of the abyss. Around the mass of all that is interesting and you go further and further. You calmly, because you are insured by a thick rope that is stretched from you to a strong, strong man. And even if this person is not visible already because of the long distance, but the rope is stretched, which means that he is and he is on the watchman.

And then suddenly the rope weakens and falls to the ground! It becomes incomprehensible to you, what happened to the one who insures you? And now what awaits you on the edge of one abyss? What are you going to do?

So, the first thing that all children do is start tugging at this rope, re-checking if there is someone else on the other end. Pulling the rope – this is an allegory of bad behavior, which the kid as if asks the parents and you still love me? Do you still need me like that ?. And the task of parents to make it clear that the baby is needed and loved. And despite the work, guests, circumstances, they will always be the support and support of the defenseless kid.

What is my result?

Now, when my daughter begins to behave badly, act up or demand attention, I leave all my affairs and devote a few minutes to the child. I hug my daughter and say words of love.

At first it hardly fit in my head – to hug a disobedient child, who once again made a tantrum in the store in front of, oh, my God, other people. But very quickly it became a familiar and rather harmonious reaction on my part.

And you know, the effect is much better than swearing and bursts of discontent. After 1-2 minutes, the child calms down and becomes himself again.

Are you familiar with attachment theory? Tried to use it in life? Or do you have your own communication secrets if it’s difficult with a child?

О admin

x

Check Also

Symptoms of child overheating, kids

Just the other day, I was confronted with symptoms of overheating in the daughter of ...

Allergy symptoms in children, babies

Allergy, unfortunately, has not bypassed our family. My husband is allergic to cats, alcohol and ...

Silvering of milk teeth is our experience, kids

When my daughter was 2 years old, I noticed a white coating on her front ...

Measure seven times, kids

Something recently all my topics about doctors and about diseases. Whether autumn inspired, or the ...

The secret word that can save the life of a child, kids

I recently read a story that made me think about a lot. It talked about ...

We hand over analyzes without fear, without tears, kids

I think every mother remembers how often their babies had to be tested in the ...

A child’s room, at what age it is needed, toddlers

All parents sooner or later begin to think about when to allocate a separate room ...

Their and other people’s toys, kids

My daughter is at an age when everything is MY. First of all it concerns ...

Sledge, ice house, snow scooter? What kind of winter projectile fits two years, kids

This winter we have been waiting for the snow for a long time, and our ...

With or without mode, kids

I am incredibly surprised by the complaints of some mummies about the inconstancy of their ...

With whom to leave the child, kids

It doesn’t matter where a mother, a shop, a hairdresser or a hospital should leave, ...

From what age to teach the child to the household duties, kids

My daughter is growing up. Mother’s joy, father’s happiness. Every day she becomes more mature ...

From what age to use sling, babies

I heard about the slings long before the birth. I heard different, completely polar opinions ...

With the stagnation of milk honey cakes, kids

Many are faced with stagnation of breast milk. It seems to me that this is ...

Hand child: happiness or burden, kids

When my eldest daughter was born, I only heard: – Do not take your hands ...

Hand child: how can I be, kids

I now recall the time when I was pregnant with my daughter, and then my ...

Hand child, kids

Surely, in every mom’s life, there came a moment when the child no longer wanted ...

Hand child and household chores how to be in time, kids

– When do you just have time for everything? – sighs my neighbor, mother of ...

The role of creativity in the development of the child, kids

I can not call myself a super-mother, who every day invents some kind of creative ...

Native against the child, kids

A friend, pregnant with the second (only!) Child, decided to share the joy with her ...

Birthmarks in children, babies

Without exception, all parents want their baby to be born healthy and beautiful. But very ...

Draw and play, kids

My son, who is a year and eight, loves to draw. I will not say ...

Rhinitis in children, babies

Rhinitis (to put it simply – a runny nose) is a symptom of a very ...

Reflexes of newborns, babies

Birth of a child. What could be more surprising … Such a tiny and defenseless ...