The topic of raising an independent and self-confident child acquired relevance for me 1.3 years ago. I think that every mother seeks to educate worthy members of society. This is no different for me.
My today’s topic is devoted to those mothers who openly refer to new information and are ready to change the usual patterns of education to modern ones.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not quite happy with how I was raised. In many situations in life, I feel insecure and afraid, often worried, I hesitate for a long time when choosing a solution. And how many times have I caught myself experiencing that, but what will others think of me?
It seems to me that my uncertain behavior is not conducive to achieving great heights. And I want to raise my child a little differently.
But, as we all know, at the same time as raising a child, one should also take care of one’s upbringing. After all, the child looks and copies the behavior of his parents, and does not blindly carry out their instructions.
My helpful rules
1. Long live the praise!
I do not know about you, but my parents rarely praised me. Apparently, they were afraid that I would become arrogant and stop striving for the best. But to criticize and make comments not particularly shy.
Now I try to introduce a system of regular encouragement words to our family. Still, it is very nice when the husband notices a tasty cooked dinner or ironed shirts. As he is no less pleased when he is praised for the repaired equipment or reinstalled Windows.
Also, the daughter always receives pleasant words from us when trying to wipe the floor with a cloth. And it does not matter that the cloth is her new scarf. The main thing is that the child is trying to help and do something good. A scarf can always be replaced with a cloth.
2. Give the child the right to vote.
I will never forget the story that a colleague told me about his childhood. Once, when she was sitting on a pot, a dad with two ties approached her. He asked for forgiveness that he was tearing her away from an important lesson, but he really needed her advice on what kind of tie it was best to wear to work today. My colleague was pleasantly surprised that with her the little is considered her big and authoritative father. And he remembers this incident after almost 30 years.
I will try to regularly contact my child for advice and opinions. Let it be a trifle such as choosing a hat for a walk, a store to buy bread or cooking meals for lunch, but these are the moments that form a sense of importance and self-confidence in a child.
3. Do not compare children with each other.
Do you like being compared to someone else? If not in your favor, then surely not. But our parents often resorted to such methods of motivation.
In my opinion, such upbringing teaches children to see other rivals, not comrades. And in the future, forcing a constant comparison of their success with the success of other people.
And since you can always find someone better, more beautiful, smarter, richer, more agile, then the emotional state of the children who grew up in the comparison environment is not always iridescent.
I really like the idea of comparing myself only to myself in the past. That’s how I want to treat myself and my husband, and that’s how to raise my child.
4. Learn to perceive criticism.
How do you respond to criticism? I usually negative. Sometimes it is worth the effort not to hang my nose after criticism. But is this really correct?
Nowadays, expressions about criticism are very popular as something very subjective. And this is logical. We all have different tastes, opinions and past experiences. Someone likes blondes, but someone does not. But is it worth every time to repaint your hair? And is it ever possible to please everyone at once?
Perhaps the truth about us is always in our head. And I would like my child to focus primarily on his personal opinion. And he considered criticism as a reason to reflect on the topic, but can something else be improved? But in no case as a guide to action.
5. Instill a sense of responsibility.
I remember when I was a child, mother in the country gave me a piece of land. I do not remember what I planted on him, but the knowledge that I have something of my own from the world of adults, I was very flattered.
I also want to highlight my child’s personal responsibility zone. For example, water home plants or wash cups.
Let not immediately the child will regularly recall the task entrusted to him. But over time, it is this attitude that will form his sense of responsibility and independence.
6. We learn not to be shy to take the initiative.
Recently, I was at a training seminar and I caught myself saying that I really want to express my opinion on a specific issue, but I am embarrassed. There were many people in the audience and it seemed inappropriate for me to express my opinion when others are sitting in silence.
At the end, the lecturer summed up his monologue with an opinion that coincided with mine. That is, I could easily earn myself a good grade, credibility in the eyes of the lecturer, or simply get self-polling by expressing my idea in a timely manner.
Inappropriate shyness has often done me a disservice. And I would not want to pass it on to my child. Therefore, I will strive to educate my daughter so that she does not hesitate to express her opinion if all the conditions for this are available.
Do you agree with my rules? How do you raise confidence and independence in your children?