It so happened that my child was the year when I went to work. The reason is simple and banal – they needed money to feed his son, dress him, buy toys. And, of course, every month was required to pay for an apartment and a loan. Whether you want or not, you need to earn money.
I went to work, came home only in the evening, and every evening my child was waiting for me at the door. And then he began to cry in the morning when I left. Can you imagine what I felt? At a minimum, I felt like a traitor who abandons a child …
At work at first nothing stuck, nothing worked. Salary was small due to lack of orders. At home, a child was waiting at the door. Nerves began to pass. I cried at night, hugging my son, who quietly moved to sleep with me, because I wanted to be with him, at least while he was sleeping.
Once, during a sleepless night, I stumbled upon a book on the Internet. I will not name the author, I will say only, this is an American, a woman, a mother.
Read reviews, read a book. And she was able to overcome herself and begin to perceive the whole situation differently. Thought a lot and came to the following conclusions.
one. No need to try to be perfect.
A working mother believes that her child is deprived, therefore she is trying with all her might to make amends and be perfect. You do not need to do this, because it still will not work, but for now you are trying, you will be disappointed, which will only aggravate the situation.
2. NYou have to always have your source of income.
I think you will agree that this is correct. It is important for a woman to be calm for herself and for the child.
3. NYou do not need to give all of yourself without reserve to the child.
Need to find time for yourself. It is impossible for the world to revolve around a child. It is harmful for the child, it is harmful for the woman. A woman should have a job – work, hobby, whatever.
4. ToWhen the mother does not spend every second with the child, he learns independence.
Agree that short separations, when you have time to miss each other, help to appreciate every minute spent together.
Guilt is very bad for a woman – not only on the internal, but also on the external state. And the feeling of guilt that a woman experiences will not change anything in the current situation.
Instead of blaming yourself, think better of how to spend the time you are with your child. After all, after work, you can walk with the baby and talk on the phone with friends, and you can be with the child – to be completely with him.
6. Do not forget about the father of the child.
Remember the movies where the children are knocking before you enter the parents’ bedroom. This is very important – parents should have their own room, their own space. Giving themselves fully to raising a child, women very often forget about the father of this child. And it’s very bad.
7 Remember that you are in charge.
You, not a child. The child should know that they will listen to him, they will listen to him, but you will decide.
Now I looked at everything differently. I feel better. Over time, my child stopped crying in the morning, and in the evening he was playing in another room. We spend evenings and weekends together.
He is still quite small, so it is difficult for me to explain some moments to him, for example, that parents want to be together, or that I make a decision. Over time, understand, I’m sure of it.
At work, by the way, everything was fine too. After all, the emotional state of a person affects everything around. I calmed down and was able to work hard, not thinking every minute that I betrayed the child.
I hope that this experience of mine will help those who are in the same situation as I was.