My husband really wanted a son. We did not yet know the sex of the child, but he already picked up exclusively male names – Artem, Vladimir, Vladislav … When the child is still somewhere in dreams, all men are good, loving, caring, ideal fathers. But now, when it comes to reality, all dreams fade in one moment. There is a barrier between the father and the child, which the child cannot overcome because of his age, but the father … Why do fathers deliberately fence themselves off from their own children?
Where is the dog buried?
From my personal experience, I can say that the problem is rooted in the distant childhood of your husband. At the right moment, ask him – who was more involved in his upbringing – mother or father? In ninety percent of cases, the answer will be in favor of your mother-in-law. Indeed, why would her husband delve into the details of caring for a baby if his father successfully watched this from the side?
Also the blame can be the newly made mother herself, or her beloved mother-in-law. My best friend did. Her husband showed interest in the process of care and upbringing, even tried to do something (either he would change his diaper or go for a walk), but he was always accused of doing everything wrong. Well, the peasant is, of course, tired, and he gave up this ungrateful occupation.
Option three – men just lazy. There is football on TV, a cup of cups, and the wife walks and itches: play with your son, you would have paid attention to the child, even at the weekend, etc. They know that this is all you will do sooner or later, so they either pretend they don’t hear, or they send it in clear text far away.
No matter how terrible it may sound, but the further it goes, the more there will be a gap between the father and the child. Children are still from infancy feel who pays more attention to them, and what to say when he is two years old, five years old, sixteen …
If the father only pretended all his life that he was engaged in a child, then the child will pretend all his life that he obeys him. In most cases, as a result of such an attitude, either mama’s boys or, God forbid, problem teenagers, come out.
What to do?
Hack problem need on the vine. As soon as you start to notice that the husband is evading the performance of his fatherly duties, you need to urgently identify the cause, eliminate it and take measures so that the situation does not recur.
Put your husband in a hopeless situation. For example, I often went to the dentist, gynecologist, hairdresser – in general, wherever you go with your child, and left your son with her husband. When the child was eight months old, and my husband was on vacation, I generally found a job for myself, and the spouse was forced to spend a whole month with the baby alone. Nothing brings you closer together than need.
For older kids, you can come up with some kind of joint occupation, a hobby. My collectible car models. And I pretend that I am against, although, frankly, I am very curious, and when they go to bed, I myself consider these models. And they, from the contrary, secretly buy new ones from me, collect them, glue them, blow away dust particles from them. Well, thank God!