Recently, a friend sympathized with me. They say it’s probably hard to forget the abandoned husband when the child reminds of him every day.
I remembered that in various articles such a problem was often mentioned. But indeed, it must be that way. She listened to herself and realized that the problem was contrived.
View from the outside
My daughter is a seemingly absolute copy of the Pope. Once on a walk, when we were sitting on a bench with me, my former employee was passing by. We talked with her for a long time, and then she suddenly asked: And who is this child? I was already taken aback – of course, mine! The employee noted that we are completely different.
Although in reality the daughter is not so much like her dad. She went all the way to his feminine line. Both grandmother, great-grandmother, and aunts – everyone has the same typical eye shape, eyebrow shape, face shape. In general, from me she got only the hair color and the wrong bite.
By standard logic, this is a stalemate. Every day you look at a child who is a vivid and vivid reminder of who you want to forget. And when she is naughty and dabbles, it should be a tragedy. After all, I want to take out her anger and resentment against her husband.
What do i really feel
But it seems to me that only an absolutely selfish person who is focused on his wounded self can behave this way. I was abandoned, not appreciated, I suffer and look for any excuse to continue chewing on my offenses again. In the end, the child is not to blame for the fact that the genes were shuffled in this way.
Therefore, I was even slightly surprised by the thesis of my friend – how can my daughter be the object of my sufferings and personal experiences? It was I who strongly desired her appearance, I wore her, gave birth, was happy for each new achievement. And now suffer at her sight?
Looking at my daughter, I don’t see her dad. I see the most beautiful child with a wonderful inner world. This is already a person, even if it is not fully formed. She pleases me with her abilities, achievements, aspirations and desires. Communicating with her, I myself become better and more experienced in life.
In general, my child is, above all, a unique individuality, personality. In addition, very cute. I am very proud of her. So why transfer to it some of your negative emotions, from which it is time to get rid of?
The only thing that upsets me is how she misses Dad. And the rest, in my opinion, the suffering that the child reminds of her ex-husband is nothing but an excuse for himself, his unwillingness to let go of the past and start life anew.
And what do you think?