Problems, quarrels, conflicts – all this often leads to the fact that the full family falls apart. Often the child is left with the mother, who alone is forced to raise the baby. However, time does not stand still and every woman wants to be loved again and create a family nest. She has a beloved man who plans to share with her every day and live together under the same roof.
Many ladies are afraid of the reaction of their own children to an unfamiliar uncle, claiming to be the pope. But you should not be afraid, you just need to properly approach the issue of adaptation of the child to a new family member.
The first thing to remember is that addiction should be gradual. That is, your elect must first make friends with the child, and then move to your house. Invite a man to visit, visit public places together, go on picnics. At the same time, do not strive with all your might to make friends with your loved ones. Give them the opportunity to just chat, and sometimes leave them alone for 15-20 minutes. This will allow you to forge their personal relationships without your mediation.
Gradually, your new husband should spend more and more time with his family, sometimes staying overnight. It is important that at this stage the new dad did not dictate the conditions, did not establish new rules, but behaved friendly and did not forget that in the eyes of the child he was still a guest in the house.
If you decide to live under one roof, then warn the child about this in advance. At the same time, announce your decision together and at least a month before the appointed date of the move. The kid should get used to the new circumstances, digest everything in his head. Explain to your child all aspects of your future life, calmly and truthfully answer his questions. Carefully monitor the condition of the baby.
If you notice signs of depression, frustration and other negative emotions, you should not change your decision. Try to speak frankly with your son or daughter, discover his feelings and help tell you about the excitement. Convince the child that the family structure will not change, that your love for him will not cool and that everything will be fine.
The first time, when life together begins to gain momentum, all family members will not be easy. This is natural, because people must adapt to the changed circumstances, adopt new rules of living together. At this time, you will need to pay maximum attention to both the child and the husband. The importance of both persons should not be understated.
As for the upbringing of the baby, here it is necessary to remember that the stepfather is not yet an authority. Therefore, the main task is to establish your common opinion about the new family rules. That is, if something is prohibited, it is only together, similarly, that the boundaries of the permitted are established.
And finally, on whether to encourage the child to call the stepfather dad? In my opinion, no. Do not prevent children from communicating with their father, nor replace the concepts and roles of father and stepfather. It is better if the child gets used to call the latter by name, and dad will remain in his soul dad. Thus, the baby will not be confused, and he will not have strange thoughts that dad may be two or that the old dad is no longer dad at all, and that he can now not be loved.
I have several examples of how my stepfather became a true friend to a child, was able to give him warmth and care, influenced the formation of his personality. The examples are quite positive and successful. What to go far, my own husband, however, already in adulthood, had a stepfather. Of course, at first the relations of the men were tense, and they carefully looked at each other. However, with the passage of time, it turned out that the person is also very good at the mother-in-law and at her grandson, that is, our son.
In any difficult situation, we can now confidently count not only on our own grandfather, but also on a new grandmother’s husband. Although our grandmother for a long time did not dare to tell her already matured son, that is, my husband, about her romance. She worried about a possible negative reaction and alienation. However, it turned out that doubts were completely in vain.
As a result, everyone is happy – the woman found her happiness after many years of loneliness, we rejoice for her and are pleased that she always has support, and our baby has acquired another caring person in her environment.