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Zen Education: Oriental Wisdom Principles

Zen Education: Oriental Wisdom Principles

In the morning, your baby is in no hurry to go to breakfast and does not want to dress. As a result, you are going to kindergarten in a stressful state and are late for work.

And if specifically:
When a parent says, “We are late,” it sounds like a threat that the child doesn’t understand and (worse, frightened). In order for everything to go smoothly, parents must establish a strict schedule of the day: an hour of ascent, time to dress, time to eat food. If the child is too young to handle it alone, help him.

Do not rush the baby, explain what he does and in what sequence. But when he grows up, he will be able to adhere to the established schedule without any problems.

It is very important that the child obeys a certain schedule: this is how he feels his responsibility for the order reigning in the family. The most famous position of the Zen teaching “Here and Now” helps us to fully use the only time we are masters of, that is, the current moment in the present. Yesterday is no more, tomorrow does not exist yet, really only what is happening “here and now.”

And for your baby, only the current moment is real. This is the advantage of childhood, when strangers are thinking about the past and worrying thoughts about the future.

The feeling of fear and stress are the fruits of our thinking, being late is the result of a poorly organized present.

With him going to the store becomes a nightmare. He runs back and forth, requires candy, disappears in the toy department, begins to act up at the cash register.

Zen Education: Oriental Wisdom Principles

And if specifically:
Before looking for the cause on the side, the parent-Zen will look for the cause of the child’s behavior. in myself. Baby restless or scattered?

Perhaps he inherited, at least partially, these qualities from you. Before you try to change the person who is next to you, you must first take a hard look at yourself.

Your anxiety and confusion, for example, testify to your personal inability to remain calm. And the child just follows your example.

The serene state of mind is like the bottom of the ocean, which remains calm, even when a storm rages on the surface.

Another explanation is possible: maybe you go shopping after a long and tiring work day, and your child after school? If so, spend some time together with your child to recover: take a walk on foot to relieve stress.

If the baby continues to be capricious, before entering the store, warn him: if he behaves badly there, nothing good will come of it. It is important that the rule and the punishment for its violation be stipulated in advance, in a calm atmosphere, and not in a fit of anger.

The child wakes up in tears and calls you several times during the night because he is thirsty, he is hot, or he has a nightmare.

Zen Education: Oriental Wisdom Principles

And if specifically:
Nightmares, the fear of falling asleep in children is a reflection of all those emotions and anxieties that they cannot express in words. According to the Zen teachings, our fears are always an expression of anxiety associated with the future. Only by returning to the present moment, listening to our breathing, understanding the very essence of our anxieties, can we overcome them.

Zen philosophy also says: “Day after day we prepare the well-being of tomorrow,” that is, we take care of every moment, minute by minute, we live in the present (and do not torment ourselves with assumptions about what can or should happen).

If children are restless, you can play the cloud of peace game every evening for 15 minutes. Dad or mom, and even better both, sit down on the floor with the baby. The purpose of the exercise: to teach him to relax.

Suggest the kid to imagine that he is a blown ball. Then ask him to close his eyes, slowly take a deep breath with his nose and exhale with his mouth.

Repeat ten times. It is important to teach him to relieve tension from the whole body, to calm down due to the special rhythm of breathing. Tell the child that at his age other children have the same fears, they can also have nightmares, and this will pass when they grow up.

According to Zen philosophy, the “transition of calm” from one person to another is quite possible. If you are in a relaxed state, it will help the baby.

It is also important to explain to the child that the night exists in order for his body to regain strength, his mind rested and the next morning he was full of strength. Explain that mom and dad also need to relax, but if he is very scared, they are always there in the next room.

You barely entered the apartment after returning from work, as the child begins to throw a tantrum for a tantrum.

Zen Education: Oriental Wisdom Principles

And if specifically:
The baby is raging. First, take it easy by taking a few deep breaths through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.

Many people are mistaken in believing that to follow the teachings of Zen is to be able to control your emotions and endure all difficulties with a smile. This is not quite true. It is very important not only to depict imperturbability, but to be able to direct your anger in the right direction, “to let it go in a circle, and not to immediately spill it out”.

To keep calm, you must first “digest” emotions.

Ask the child to go to his room. Let him know that he should not flood the house with his screams. When he is alone, let the anger curse.

Then, when you feel that you can control your own emotions, talk to him. Let him express his complaints, comments or requests, explain the reasons for such ugly behavior (do not forget that anger often hides feelings of grief and fear). Listen to him, not blaming him for what he says (unless he insults you), then ask him to listen to you without interrupting.

Give in only in those cases where you find it fair. Define clearly what is acceptable and negotiable, and what is not. Your inner peace will pacify the child: he will look at you as an adult, because you do not speak to him in his own tone, you know how to listen to him, without condemning, you “publish” the Law for him.

The sea “absorbs” the snowstorm. This also applies to our emotions: they are like muddy water, which becomes transparent when it settles.

You are back from work tired. The child immediately starts asking you tricky questions like: “Why is the sky black at night?

Where does the wind come from? Who lives on the moon?

Zen Education: Oriental Wisdom Principles

And if specifically:
Every child’s question is a great opportunity to learn something new for yourself. But a tired father has the right to explain to a child that he needs a little rest before seeking an answer to his questions.

If you do not know the answer, do not tell anything, just to find the desired peace! Look for the answer together: look at picture books or go to the corresponding site on the Internet.

Sunday. Good weather.

You are determined to go for a walk, but the child refuses to get out of bed and wants to watch a cartoon.

And if specifically:
Sometimes it happens that a child (like any adult person) wants to sit at home, feel safe, just do nothing. The kid also has the right to fatigue, both physical and moral.

If this is not repeated too often, you can offer him several solutions: watch a movie with the whole family, and then take a quiet walk, only shorter than expected. In any case, papa-zen should explain to the child that walks are very important in order for the body and spirit to find peace and bad thoughts disappear.

That evening he tried all the ways to go to bed later: he is naughty, demands that he be revered yet, does not want you to turn off the light immediately.

And if specifically:
If this is not repeated too often, you can give the child twenty extra minutes. Clearly indicate your position: you understand that he wants to stay with you a little longer, you enjoy it (and this is true!), And you give him some more time to be together.

But follow the rules strictly, emphasize the exclusivity of the situation and set a limit: for example, tell him one story, not two.

In the park, your baby does not want to move away from you a single step and refuses to play with peers.

And if specifically:
Your baby is on the verge of a new stage of maturation: soon he will be ready to part with what he is familiar, in order to plunge into obscurity. That is why he expresses his fear, seeking to gain confidence.

To help the child be himself, you need to see his fear, and then try to understand it. Zen philosophy teaches that experience is our only helper, and we cannot talk about what we ourselves have not experienced, much less help others. Therefore, to help the child deal with his fears, a Zen parent will tell him about his own fears at this age.

Only after that he will tell the baby that, having become more independent, he will learn many new and interesting things.

There was a terrible quarrel between brothers and sisters: the eldest does not want to give the younger his toys, and everything ends in a fight.

Rivalry between brothers and sisters is a normal phenomenon of family life. But the eldest child is always unconsciously seeking to engage parents in a quarrel so that they take sides. Since it is often impossible to establish who started first, it is better to say: “This is your quarrel, I have nothing to do with it.

Solve the conflict yourself, and as quietly as possible. ” Provided, of course, that the younger can speak and can protect himself, and the aggressiveness of the older does not take the form of physical violence.

Zen parents should allow children to learn to solve conflicts on their own.

He does not want to go to kindergarten anymore, because he had a fight with his best friend and the teacher punished him, as he believes, unfairly.

Talk to him about what happened in a relaxed atmosphere. What happened? Is he angry?

Is he distressed? How to settle everything? Papa-zen can tell a child that he, too, has experienced something of the same kind and has been unjustly punished.

Explain to him that this happens in life and it is normal that anger and crying will not help to solve the problem, and quarrels always lead to chagrin. Help him understand, without blaming him, that his quarrel immediately had a result: he is upset about it.

Explain that a friend is also worried about this.

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