Usually a lie is called a bad habit or a sign of a bad temper. But it is also an indicator of development. If at the age of 4, 5–5 years of age your child “distorts reality” from time to time, then … everything is fine with him.
The development of thinking goes as it should. After all, in order to properly lie, you need to master such complex mental operations as analysis, synthesis, to be able to predict, to make assumptions.
Younger children are not available, so they always tell the truth. In addition, up to about 2-3 years old, the child lives in full confidence that the parents see everything and know everything and it makes no sense to tell a lie. “Eat all the porridge, and then I will give you something,” you say and leave the room. A small child will either eat or cry – in case he does not like porridge very much.
But the one who is already about five, can find other solutions. Throw a couple of spoons in the sink, feed the cat food or swap plates with his brother. “I ate it, he did not eat it, do not give him something, give everything to me.”
A two-year-old baby will scream frantically: “I don’t love my sister, leave her in the hospital!” – and he doesn’t care what you think of him.
The one to whom five can demonstrate love in public and at parents, if he knows that otherwise they will be angry. But the true feelings will manifest differently – for example, it will take away and hide a toy. “I don’t even know why she suddenly burst into tears, maybe she was afraid of the call,” he would say quite naively and still pat her sister on the head.
And in other situations, find solutions that are convenient for themselves. “Go, grandmother, take a rest, I alone will remove all my toys” – and immediately he will push the whole pile under the bed. “The stomach hurts, I can not lace up the shoes myself. And on the rollers I can ride, the rollers from the stomach help a lot ”; “They hurt me in the kindergarten, take me away before a quiet hour.” What can I say?
Liar? No, just by age a smart and quick-witted child.
Just because no one ever lies – even small children. There are always motives for lies, and lies always bring profit. Not necessarily material – perhaps psychological.
And, by the way, it is not always easy to distinguish one from the other.
“Did you eat ice cream with grandma? If not, let’s buy it now, ”said mom on the way home. Misha shook his head and won the third ice cream for the day.
In the evening, the secret still became apparent. “Why are you lying? What, I do not buy sweets?
Aren `t you ashamed? If you want ice cream, you just need to ask. Understood? ”- mom pronounced.
Of course, Misha understood. What you need to ask when you want. But the point was that he did not want to.
Mom asked: “Have you eaten ice cream from your grandmother?” And Misha knows that parents and grandmothers always have arguments about him. Say he: “Yes, I ate” – maybe mom would call again and pronounce to her grandmother for what she does in her own way.
It was the same when he said that his grandmother could not sleep as much as he wanted. Misha was very embarrassed then.
It turned out that he nabednichal grandmother.
“I am the best at running in the kindergarten, today I won first place, and everyone praised me,” says five-year-old Anyuta. But for some time now such news doesn’t please my mother. Accidentally, when talking with the teacher, it turned out that the girl invents all her merits and victories.
About the fact that her drawing was sent to the contest, about the fact that she was always taken as an example in her dancing classes. And in the garden she tells a lot of things. For example, about the father-pilot, who always takes her with him to the cockpit and even gives you a steer.
Mom worries about her daughter, but does not scold. He does not know what to scold him for. It seems to be just fantasies and no harm from anyone.
Ugly, of course, to deceive people and boast of invented victories, but how can this be explained to a five-year-old child?
By the way, fantasies differ from lies that they do not carry with them any emotional component. That is, it is just a story, and, as they say, no one from her is either good or bad, no one is misled.
Of course, fantasies also appear for a reason – children who are not satisfied with something in reality are prone to constant fantasy. Invented stories, they are fenced off from reality.
The more unfavorable the environment, the greater the need for a fictional world.
A lie can be dangerous not only for others, but also for the child himself. After all, if we do not know the truth, how can we assist, protect against dangers? Someone offends him, and he says that everything is in order.
He does not develop a relationship, but he assures that everything is fine. No, recognizing that a lie is a common phenomenon, one must still keep in mind: the more truth in a relationship, the better.
For parents who are very concerned about children’s lies, psychologists often offer this task. Follow the course of the day and count all the cases where they themselves are lying.
Any untruth, including “Such traffic jams, left an hour earlier and was still late”, “No, I didn’t forget, I just wanted to call you, but you are ahead”, “We are leaving for the weekend, we can’t come to your anniversary”.
Just mark the number, not thinking about the fact that you have all of these were good reasons. By evening, the figure is so impressive that, it seems, we honestly and frankly do not speak at all. A lie is a part of everyday communication; moreover, it often allows you to make this communication more enjoyable, to avoid conflicts and offenses.
Why are we so frightened by children’s lies? Because the thought that the child has something to hide from us is unpleasant.
We want to be aware of everything that is happening, we want the spiritual world of our children to be always available to us. Only in this way can we fulfill our educational function, guide and direct.
In addition, being adults, we understand that everything has its limits and there are examples when a lie becomes a part of sociopathic behavior.
“I was not very serious about what my daughter was telling lies. It was even funny that such a crumb trying to come up with something, gossip. But then at work an event occurred that made me reconsider all this.
One of the employees wove such intrigues that one day we all quarreled. Moreover, it turned out that everything we knew about her was not true.
She even had some documents that were fake. She said that her mother was the one to blame for this, as she left her in childhood. It turned out that this is a lie!
Cases where my daughter tells a lie, immediately ceased to seem harmless. I do not want her to have such false inclinations. ”
It is very difficult – to get the child to be very frank. Often the result is the exact opposite: the more we “achieve”, the more we tend to lie.
Because radical measures, which are chosen most often, are absolutely not suitable for such a case. Quite the contrary: the more severe the suggestion is, the more likely it is that such cases will repeat.
Although it may become less obvious, the child will very quickly learn to hide them better. “It is necessary to stop the first attempts of lying, so that I understand that it is impossible to do this.” No, also not true.
Therefore, the first thing to do is to find that the child has told a lie – to do nothing at all. Not to catch, not to warn, not to conduct explanatory work on the spot – no corrective measures. But there should be nothing encouraging in your behavior.
After all, often parents reinforce unwanted behavior, unwittingly. The kid lied – and it seemed so touching, so unusual. Everyone laughed, and then a few more times told this case to relatives and friends.
Of course, the temptation to do something like this will continue. What could be better than to cheer the parents?
No, the situation should be ignored. And then – to analyze. Think why the child told a lie?
What did he get from this? What would happen if he said everything as he was?
These are very important questions. They will help you not only to know the causes of lies, they will reveal those psychological problems that previously may have been invisible. Very often with such an analysis it turns out that a lie appears in the same situations.
For example, a child all the time blames someone else, avoids punishment. Or – complains about imaginary diseases, wanting to be pityed, caressed.
It is possible that you are too strict with him and he feels fear (in the first case) or he lacks warmth and affection in a relationship (in the second).
And no matter what kind of severity – rigidity, penchant for punishment, or principles. Sometimes very correct parents (with convictions “There must be order in everything,” “Once said, do it”) children are under increased pressure and also resort to lying in order to avoid at least some of this responsibility.
Always explain to the child why you are trying to find out the truth: “I’m worrying about you, it seems to me that you are sad – not like usual.”
But the main thing is that the child does not just hear it periodically, but feel it – then, of course, you can hope for frankness. Children who know that parents in any situation will be on their side, not facing unfair accusations and anger, growing up in an environment where they treat small weaknesses with understanding, have practically no reason to lie.
It is very important to monitor your own behavior. Avoid double standards when you yourself allow yourself to lie, and even with a child. It seems to you that your refusal to your friend in money and a very small lie (“I can’t, we are going to buy new furniture”) were justified.
She always forgets about the debt, and to refuse directly means to offend. But the child has not yet grasped the subtleties of adult relationships; he learned the main thing: to avoid something unpleasant or uncomfortable for himself, it is quite possible to tell a lie.
Do not scold him for such conclusions – just try to ensure that such ambiguous and difficult-to-understand children’s situations take place outside of his presence. And it is better to have as few as possible.
After all, children naturally adopt our way of thinking and our behavior even when we don’t say anything about it.