Expert Daniil Khlomov, a psychotherapist, director of the Moscow Gestalt Institute, President of the Association of Psychologists and Practitioners, member of the International Association for Group Psychotherapy, told us about the modern role of the grandfather. And also – the father of five children and the grandfather of seven grandchildren: “The appearance of grandchildren for a man is a kind of vacation. Now children must fight with their children.
A grandfather can sometimes threaten, but mostly he is not on the front line. And this is a very good feeling. The most valuable moment is when you manage to find a common language with your grandchildren, through a game or a common lesson, even through being in the same space.
These are always small episodes, because parents spend more time with their children than grandfather. But these episodes are very important and always enjoyable.
And everything pleasant is better not to delay, so that there is no replacement. ”
Of course, today’s role of the grandfather depends heavily on a particular family and on himself. Here there are his involvement in common affairs – participation in the maintenance of life, raising his grandchildren, and his awareness of his significance for the younger generations. After all, there are very responsible grandfathers: they not only instruct their grandchildren, but also share their interests and hobbies with them.
What a grandson does not dream of a grandfather who goes fishing with him and ride a bicycle!
There are grandfathers, so to say, detached ones, who prefer to watch the maturing of their grandchildren from outside, without taking active part in it. But the presence of such a grandfather in the life of a child is still better than his absence.
After all, when not only parents appear in front of a baby’s eyes, he will easily assimilate a variety of social roles and gain invaluable experience.
For many, this moment turns out to be very exciting – awareness of age, the acquisition of a new social status, the development of an unusual role. What is it like to be a grandfather?
Actually, it’s great! After all, the grandfather’s charm is that he is not burdened with responsibility for children as much as his parents.
That is why we all notice some ease of communication – even if the grandfather is angry, we understand that this is not so bad. Sooner or later, this man feels lightness as well, who has grandchildren.
Another important question that helps to get used to a new role is what kind of grandfather do I want to be? Grandfathers, as well as grandmothers, often try to give their grandchildren something that, they believe, they did not give to their children, or to correct the shortcomings of their upbringing.
It is not always effective and not always correct. Many people decide not to engage in correcting their own and others’ pedagogical mistakes, but simply enjoy communication with the kids.
Such communication grandchildren always take a bang.
Happy are those parents whose children have grandfathers. They can be entrusted to the younger ones when there is a lot of work to do when they want to rest, or simply to be calm, that in the company of an adult and experienced man the grandson will be protected from external dangers.
It is important to maintain a balance in the relationship.
Of course, a grandfather can help parents when he spends time with his grandchildren, when he inculcates some cultural and social norms in them, and not in instruction, but in some kind of such advisory form. But he should not be central to this relationship. And this, too, is his help – not to interfere in the actual upbringing.
And what he can give to his grandchildren depends on him.
There are situations when for some reason there is no father in the family. In full, the grandfather will not be able to stand in his place, because here the relationship between mother and father is important.
But grandfather can take over the function of monitoring and establishing certain boundaries. In her absence, behavioral problems occur in children, which are often told by single mothers.
Therefore, it is better that grandfather will help mom with the child, taking on some of the functions of the father, rather than remain only the grandfather. In other cases, these roles can not be mixed.
Men learn to be grandfather on the examples of their own grandfathers, and if by the will of fate they did not find any, then there are always role models in other elders. All of us are characterized by the search for mentors and role models. Any new experience pushes us to seek support from those who have already experienced it.
This is how you get all sorts of grandfathers who, whether grumbling, kindly advising, sharing activities, or just having spiritual talk, are remembered for a lifetime.
Grandma next to my grandfather …
In the hearts of our little ones, of course, we, the parents, occupy the most important place. But there, just a little bit away, “live” … of course, grandmothers and grandfathers.
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