Your baby always demanded undivided attention to himself: he needed something exactly when the telephone rang or his favorite program was on TV. But these are only small manifestations of childish jealousy.
Another thing is the birth of a brother or sister – this is really a real revolution in life! Now we need to share our toys, “living space”, and most importantly – the love of parents. Gifts, enthusiasm and affection – everything goes to a newly minted brother or sister – it definitely causes envy and resentment.
And the firstborn begins to invent methods of attracting parental attention and restoring his rightful place in the center of the family.
Your child will stop at nothing to draw your attention: “Mom, well, ma-a-m!”, “Dad, come here, help me to do it”, “I have a fever, go to the doctor!”
Pay personal attention. Children are very jealous to ensure that everything is fair. And subtly feel any imbalance in the manifestation of parental love.
Even if you are busy with the baby, keep in touch with the older child. Whenever possible, try to take the firstborn in your arms, talk to him about everything that concerns him.
Use the active listener method, sit down on the level of the baby. When you are too busy, tell me that you will be ready to talk to him as soon as you change your little one.
Praise him for the wait and take time for his problem. Ask other family members to help you: after all, someone close can change the baby.
If you kiss or take one child in your arms, be prepared to turn the other knee over.
It is hard for an elder to stay calm when he sees how you feed the baby. Sometimes the baby reacts painfully – she cries a lot, grabs her mother by the arms, presses against her, demanding attention to herself.
While feeding, take the baby. Before you go to feed the newborn, you need to find a little time in order to embrace the elder, play with him. You can arrange the toys on the floor, inventing an interesting story, and offer to play with them yourself.
Buy a little jealous milk that he will drink at the same time as a newborn. If the firstborn eagerly performs some of the duties of caring for the youngest, do not take it for granted, thank the baby, because it is not easy for him to join this activity.
Explain in detail to the elder the meaning of your actions in relation to the newborn. This will create a sense of peace in him.
When a lot of things are not clear, young children begin to get worried and quickly lose control of themselves. And try to emphasize that you are acting in the interests of the elder: “Now we are crumbling baby, we put in the crib and go to cook YOU your favorite cottage cheese with a banana!”
The first months of his life were filled with special attention from parents. But here he gets the first shock: he is no longer the only child in the world!
It is often difficult for a baby to express in words his spiritual experiences, but they are manifested in his behavior. The meaning of “bad” behavior in this case can be expressed like this: “You made me feel bad – even if it be bad for you too!”, “I won’t eat the porridge that you prepared – mother!”
Do not infringe upon the rights. Try to ensure that by the birth of the second baby in the life of the first, no additional changes occur in the form of a new nanny or a kindergarten.
If you feel hurt in the child’s voice, analyze what your actions could have caused her. Do not be afraid to ask your child for forgiveness for the fact that you could not play with him or read him a fairy tale before going to bed.
But do not say: “I could not do it, because your brother was crying / had to eat / walk” – this will only add fuel to the fire.
Also, if you refuse a senior request, do not link the reason for the refusal to the needs of the junior. It is like saying: “I don’t care about your interests, I’m concerned about the interests of my beloved daughter.”
Do not make dangerous mistakes: do not give the room to the older child, his bed to the baby. If before the first child had a bedtime ritual, be sure to keep this tradition.
Many young children of preschool age soon after the appearance of a newborn in the house have a psychological regress: they can stop using the pot or begin to demand a nipple, which they have long refused. Wanting to win the attention of the mother from the opponent, they begin to behave in the same way as the baby she takes care of.
Allow him to be small. Do not panic, stay positive and responsive. If an accident happens, do not scold and calmly help him cope with the failure.
If the child refuses to give you the bottle or go to sleep on a large bed, do not push it. After some time after the birth of the baby, he adapts, and everything will fall into place.
Explain to him that adults tend to care more about those who are younger, because they are still helpless, but this does not mean that your attitude towards him has changed – you still love him and will always love you. Show the child that you understand his feelings. “I see that you are offended when I do little things, but you also were such and needed me once.”
Often pay attention to the firstborn advantages of its seniority. Larger children are more allowed. Show the older one that he has a more profitable way to attract attention than to behave like a newborn: “Vanechka peeed in the pot, what a clever girl!
But his younger sister cannot do this, all the time she has to change diapers. ” The senior has the only advantage: he can do everything better than his competitor.
Do not induce to compete with the infant in all directions; it is enough to eradicate the specific infant habit of the elder.
Sometimes the older child will babysit with the little sister / brother with great pleasure, hugging the baby and kissing, and at other times it becomes very rude. He is overwhelmed by mixed feelings.
And sometimes the firstborn can say something like “Take him back,” “Let’s give it back.” Do not be intimidated by such words.
The expression of love at a younger age can take – consciously or accidentally – a sharp turn; with incredible speed the attitude of the elder to the younger is changing.
Monitor and gently correct. Avoid commands and actions that signal: “Do not touch!” Trust the youngest child to the eldest.
Encourage hugs and expressions of love. Teach your first child to show his love in a safe way: send air kisses, tickle his hands or kiss his heels. Give the little jealous person a task that only he will do: choose which socks to wear to the baby, or sing a song before going to bed.
Then the child will understand that he is not a burden, but an assistant. Stay close when an older child plays with a baby.
If the game is too rough, take the baby in your arms and distract the older child, instead of constantly saying “no” to him.
Praise the child when he caresses with the baby. Prepare a few gifts on behalf of the baby.
Let them be signed: “To my older brother / sister.” It can be a chocolate egg, a big beautiful apple. Give them every weekend.
Attach a postcard to the souvenir with gratitude for the fact that yesterday he chose a beautiful socks for the baby / sang a song for the baby before bedtime.
The kid is too big a proprietor, and he is simply not able to consciously move aside for a while, waiting for his turn “for love.” During such a period, the child is looking for the cause of change, and since children tend to blame themselves for everything, their logical conclusions often speak against them.
And then there may be tearfulness, disobedience, sleep disturbances or fear of the dark.
Have patience. The baby takes you a lot of strength, you are constantly lack of sleep, and the elder has become sticky, weeping. It is difficult to restrain irritation in such a situation.
But need. The kid is already suffering, and your negative reaction will further inspire him with a feeling of rejection. The reason for jealousy is a lack of previous attention.
And since it is inevitable at the birth of the second baby, the elder seeks to understand “who is to blame”: “Mom – found another child! This baby– he takes away from mom all the time! Or is it me?
If they don’t love me anymore, then I’m bad and I don’t need anyone else? ”The child should be helped to avoid guilt. And do not add to it your indignation, fatigue, and too high and exorbitant requirements for an older child, because you have become much more worried.
In 2-3 years, the child, as a rule, is not yet ripe to the desire to get a little brother or sister. He has just begun to explore the world and still feels very uncertain about it. The role of the patron is not yet his shoulder.
No need to demand from the elder of what you would not have thought a couple of weeks ago. Before you show severity or deprive the baby of some pleasure because of a crime, ask yourself why the child did this or said so.
Hire a babysitter for a day walk with the baby at least once or twice a week, and devote your time to fully interacting with the older one. But if you try to catch up with the elder, only when the younger one is resting, he will understand this.
The realization that attention is being shown to him only by the “residual” principle greatly undermines its dignity.
Tell the older story about how he was born and how charming the baby was, remember the funny stories from his infancy, tell us what he loved. Hang his baby photos on the fridge.