Manipulators are not born, they become. Their parents carefully grow them. What to do with a child-manipulator?
Of course, re-educate! And that means, in no case should he go on about, otherwise he will just sit on mom and dad’s neck! The problem is that the true cause of child manipulation in this way cannot be eliminated.
And the parents themselves will not notice how the child after some time will find a new way of manipulating.
The first and main reason why babies under three years of age are taken to manipulate relatives is the lack of attention from adults. To fill this gap, there are many different ways.
The child chooses, as a rule, the one that acts better than others.
Trick number 1: Hyperactivity
First, you can turn into a “jet”. All that is needed is to become very active. Everywhere to climb, all overturn, shout loudly. In general, produce as much noise as possible.
Parents, naturally, will be forced to react somehow. Even mother’s shout for a baby is already a dialogue and attention that is lacking.
After all, the child is tired of loneliness, and he does not care what it is, the attention paid to him – if only there was.
Trick number 2: Distraction
Remind parents of yourself can be, becoming “sloppy.” Such a child is very distracted. Even, it would be more correct to say, indicatively scattered.
He always forgets everything, maybe several times a day to ask how to brush his teeth, how to fasten his jacket, what is the name of the hero from his favorite book and the like. He does everything slowly, deliberately playing out of himself helpless, although in fact he remembers everything and knows everything for a long time. For the hundredth time asking about something, the child seems to remind: “Hey, I’m here! Stay with me!”
When mom, grumbling, quickly fastens his coat and tying the laces on his shoes, she is unaware that the child has achieved what he wanted: she is near, and all her attention belongs only to him.
Trick number 3: Illness, injury
It is very convenient to be a painful child. One day, noticing the horror that his mother had caused his rash or fever, the kid remembered her reaction and learned how to use his position. The child knows for sure: the parents will drop any cases and sit next to each other if he cries or complains of pain.
And in the future, he will extend this method of manipulation to other people. Even children can feel sorry for him when he cries from non-existent pain, and give him the best toys. Or, for example, you can always pretend that your stomach hurts, and not go to kindergarten.
Especially since mom panics when the baby feels bad. Over time, the situation may be complicated. Sometimes in the pursuit of parental attention, the baby can so convincingly pretend that it really feels pain.
After all, children are easy to self-hypnosis.
An even more dangerous way to manipulate parental attention is self-injury. Seeing how the mother, throwing all the cases, flies to lift the fallen baby, as she laments over a broken forehead or knee, the child can begin to behave deliberately unsafe. Abrasions and bumps when they appear with an enviable regularity are also attempts to attract the attention of parents to their person.
Parents often do not notice that they literally force the child to resort to manipulation. This is because at one time their mom and dad did the same to them in childhood, and the tactic of creating manipulators is inherited.
She is so familiar and natural that no one would even think of looking at herself from the outside.
A simple example: Do you want your child to hate cleaning up toys in his room, and eventually he hated house cleaning and washing up? Show him what a difficult and unpleasant job it is. For this it is enough just to go into his room to say: “What a mess you have!
Again, all have to clean up after you! How am I sick of it! ”
If mom hates homework, why should a child love her? He seeks and finds the easiest way out of the situation. When he is offered to remove the toys, he uses a whole annoying arsenal: he is angry, grumbles, sulks, shows his stubbornness, makes it clear that he is busy and he has no time to do this kind of nonsense.
As a result, mom loses patience and does everything for him. Re-educate such a stubborn person is very difficult.
It is easier to lay in him since childhood a positive attitude towards domestic affairs. At first, when the time comes for cleaning, you can offer the baby: “If you want, I will help you. You collect toys, and I will make the bed.
And then let’s go drink tea together. ” The response is likely to be positive if you sincerely decide to share work and rest with your child and he feels your keen interest. Not only is the mother close by, even after cleaning a pleasant lesson awaits – chat and eat something delicious!
Then, over time, the child will learn to do everything quickly. This will become a habit, and mother’s help will not be needed.
And the memory of the word “cleaning” will helpfully throw a good memory.
At the heart of any type of children’s manipulation is anxiety to lose parents. For each baby, his mother is a person who supports life in him. And if it suddenly disappears somewhere for a long time, it becomes a real disaster for the child.
At the age of six months to three years, children gradually begin to realize that a mother can live a separate life and is not always near. Therefore, manipulation is a way not only to attract her attention, but also to make sure that she is not going anywhere.
It is very important to actively participate in the life of the child. There are situations when a mother is always at home, but nonetheless she is always busy with something. She feeds the child, clothes, but does not play with him.
She seems to be near, but at the same time she is not. In this situation, the baby will definitely indulge in various tricks to get her back.
A child needs his parents to behave consistently. Then he will firmly know what to expect from them, and will feel more confident. For example, if the parents do not let the baby down with their hands, then suddenly they demand that he behaves like a big one and played in his own room, the child literally loses his footing because he is not used to such freedom. She scares him.
Manipulation for him is the only hope: what if everything becomes as before? It is only necessary to get sick or become helpless boil, and everything will return to its place.
What to do when a child starts to whimper or, on the contrary, becomes “hyper-reactive”? First of all, of course, to give what he lacks at the moment: affection, care and tactile contact. Do not tell him that he behaves like a little, most likely he will behave even worse.
It is better to do the opposite. To whimper the baby in his arms and tell him: “I know you sometimes feel small.
I see nothing wrong with that. ” Distemper will immediately evaporate. And with the active crumbs is better to go in for sports together or go for a walk.
But at the same time be with him, and not get involved in conversations with other walking moms.
If you are really busy with important things, take a short break from time to time to just hug the baby, pat him on the head, repeat for the hundredth time, how you love him, pay attention to how he did something great.
Stop making yourself marks for parenting skills. If your child cannot read or count at three, this is not the end of the world. When parents are addicted to creating the “best child in the world”, he feels a great responsibility and thinks that if he does not meet the parental expectation, mom and dad will not love him. And any failure in learning will push him to manipulate.
How else to return the love of parents, if you add two and two, or learn a poem he was not able to do? It is important for the baby to know that he is loved for who he is, and not for his success.
Any actions of parents, even very correct, read in the smart books of famous teachers and psychologists, will not give the desired result if they are not sincere. When mom or dad are engaged with children, because “it’s necessary,” children will feel it instantly.
The child will never try to manipulate mom if she is next to him so that he feels her support and at the same time learns to be independent. She does not overdo it with affection and severity, behaves smoothly, can distinguish a whim from a really important desire of a child.
There is no recipe for becoming such a mother. Every mother needs to find it on his own, relying on her intuition and observation of the baby.