With the sound of our own name, we are ready to revel in for hours, and in the mouths of experienced manipulators it turns into shaped bait. No wonder that psychologists recommend calling your interlocutor by name as often as possible, especially if you need to get something from him or to convince him of something. “The name is an integral part of our“ I, ”explains Elena Fisun, a family therapist, a member of the Society of Family Counselors and Psychotherapists, a teacher at the Institute of Practical Psychology and Psychoanalysis. “Even if it’s quite ordinary, for the person who wears it, it’s still unique.”
However, it is not we ourselves, but our parents, who give this code set a special meaning.
For millennia, the name performed a protective function, protecting its owner from the dark forces. In ancient times, people treated him like an amulet and only disclosed it in special circumstances, preferring to use pseudonyms in everyday life.
With the advent of Christianity, newborns were called in honor of the saints, who all their lives had to illuminate their wards the right way and give advice on sharp turns. It is curious that in the XXI century these mystical beliefs are still in use.
Countless collections of names, reflecting a variety of religious and philosophical teachings, offer parents ready biographies. Would you like your son to grow obedient and respect his elders? Are you dreaming of a daughter marrying a millionaire?
Do you want the children to study on the same five? Do not doubt, in the assortment of the author will find an option for any topic of the day.
According to the same principle, astrologers work, which are compared with the horoscope for greater importance. Scientists, who are very fond of the pseudo prefix, have a different approach: they rely on statistics and study the effect of sound combinations on the brain. “Parents who wish their child happiness and good seek to pick up not just a name, but preserve good luck,” comments Tatiana Bednik, a child psychologist and expert at the Center for Psychological Aid to Children and Adolescents. “But even if they are guided by personal principles, their motive is the same.”
When there are two Oleg or two Catherine in the family, parents remove the discrepancies with distinguishing nicknames: Oleg Bolshoy and Oleg Small, Catherine the First and Catherine II. But the surrounding people regularly clarify who, after all, secretly “persuaded” a bottle of collectible whiskey, and who decorated the neighboring poodle with green paint – dad or son? Nevertheless, the tradition of naming children after relatives flourishes in many families. “In this scenario, a child in adulthood can repeat the fate of his namesake,” says Elena Fisun. – If the child is named after his uncle or aunt, he will unwittingly associate himself with them by listening to family legends.
Constant comparisons with a relative will tune the baby to certain actions. ”
It is good if this relative had a happy fate. And what if grandma married unsuccessfully? “Of course, parents will not tell the kid about the difficult fate or difficult temper of a relative-namesake, but this information will go in the background,” the family therapist continues. – For example, from a cautionary phrase-message like: “Yes, your father earns little, but he never deceived anyone”, you can extract an axiom: you can’t be rich and still be honest.
It is clear that in life its meaning can be broken in different ways. ”
When rewarding a child with a “family” name, parents, deep down, expect the son to become a successful architect, like a grandfather, and his daughter will write out a fouette no worse than her grandmother. “The same thing happens if the baby is given the name of an idol or a famous person,” adds Elena Fisun. – However, any comparison deprives the child of individuality. Shifting children to their own expectations, parents do not notice their true desires and talents. ”
The task of the father and mother is to give the child the opportunity to be himself, to live his life, and not someone else’s. Namely children in honor of relatives, of course, can, the main thing is not to wait for anything in return.
While some parents remain faithful to tradition, others prefer to keep up with the times. Fashion names govern social order.
At the moment, our country is experiencing a boom in Old Slavic and Ancient Greek names. The latter spread in Russia with the adoption of Christianity and from the phonetic point of view they “Russified” almost beyond recognition, and therefore they are often and erroneously perceived as originally Russian. “In our society, there is now a patriotic upsurge, and some parents unconsciously seek to emphasize the child’s nationality, naming him Vasilisa or Rostislav,” Tatiana Bednick comments. – Such names become a sign, in an allegorical form telling others: “I am Russian!” Or “I am Russian!”
The names for children began to be chosen by the calendar more often, and this tendency is explained by the growing popularity of Orthodoxy. The third fad – to call kids by international names – is due to the increasing number of intermarriage and the opening of a green tourist corridor between countries. “If spouses are citizens of different states, they want the baby to feel at home in both homelands and to feel belonging to two cultures at once,” says Elena Fisun. – If both parents are Russians, with the help of a foreign name, they give the child an installation, sooner or later, to go abroad. They hope that a son or daughter will become cosmopolitan and will move freely around the planet, feeling like at home everywhere.
It’s hard to imagine that Nicole Petrovna will work as a cashier in the Moscow savings bank until the end of his days. ”
But the hopes of parents are not always justified. By rewarding a child with a name that hears a ear, which, according to the original plan, should bring good luck, they often do him a disservice.
Sometimes it is ridiculous, and Oceans Ivanovna and Kita Petrovichi appear on the expanses of our homeland.
When choosing a non-standard name for a baby, parents should think about how he will live with him. “If a child is open and sociable, the attention of others may be pleasant to him,” continues the psychologist. “However, a timid kid will be more interested in his own person, especially if his parents put sverhozhidaniya on him.”
Peer reaction also needs to be considered. “Children can sometimes be very cruel,” reminds Tatiana Bednik. – Kids, unlike the rest, can become white crows, an object for ridicule. The most innocent manifestation of children’s hostility – all sorts of nicknames that tease owners of atypical names. “If a child comes back from kindergarten in tears and says that he does not like his name, sympathize with him,” advises the psychologist. – Show that you understand his feelings: “I know, when the guys teased you, it was unpleasant for you, you were upset.” And in a more relaxed atmosphere, explain why you called him that, so that he understood that you did it by chance.
If the child is sure that the parents are proud of his name, he will cope with such attacks. ”
If parents persuade you to name the baby in honor of an outstanding relative, and you do not want to do this, you have the right to refuse them. “It is much easier for young spouses to explain to their mother-in-law or mother-in-law that they are old enough to decide when to wash the dishes,” comments Elena Fisun. – However, the conflict with the choice of the name for the baby can be delayed, given the crucial importance of this sacrament. The main thing is to assure the older generation that you will surely tell your son what a wonderful person his great-grandfather was, and do everything to make him grow equally intelligent and successful, even if his name is different. ”
Choosing a name for a baby is one of the most enjoyable activities in the world, but it can turn into torture if mom and dad don’t have the same tastes. “In this important decision, the subjective associations and personal experience of each of the parents play a big role,” explains Elena Fisun. – If we like some name, most likely we have warm memories with it. If the name is unpleasant to us, most likely, we had a bad experience in communicating with its carrier. ”
It is better to sit down at the negotiating table in a calm mood. “Try not to get personal,” advises the family therapist. You do not need to admit to your husband that you want to name your son Stanislav in honor of your first love, you should not remind your wife that her favorite aunt Marina is “that madam”.
It would be wiser to say that the proposed name awakens bad memories. ”
Do not seek to make a decision in one evening. “Have patience and come back to this question several times, since you have as many as nine months left,” continues the psychologist. – Having discussed different ideas, give yourself and your spouse time to think. Often, after long disputes, parents stop at the very first name on the list, which for some reason flew out of my head, but at the very last moment suddenly surfaced. ”
Sometimes to put a point in the dispute helps backup option. “If one of the spouses has to give in, the baby’s name can be a reason for recriminations:“ You didn’t listen to me then and now you are trying to insist again, ”reminds Tatiana Bednick. It is not so difficult to come to an agreement, because each of us has several favorite names. ”
Despite its importance, the name remains just a name. If you want your baby to be cheerful, smart, kind, you will have to cultivate these virtues in him.
After all, no one will argue that we value people for personal qualities and concrete actions, and not at all because their parents called them Cosmos or Russia.