Uncertainty is one of the most unpleasant experiences, and each of us had to deal with it more than once. Some people think that it provides an opportunity to learn something new, while others are afraid of it in panic, therefore they turn life into a set of unnecessary rules.
And not only your life. Imagine this situation. A person clearly deduces for himself one or several rules and forces himself and all those who depend on him to strictly follow them.
And then an illusion arises – the person himself controls his life, in which henceforth there is no place for any unforeseen situations and uncertainties. All the situations described above have one root, they first of all attempt to prove to each of the four mothers: “I am a good mother” and insure myself against uncertainty. And if the mothers themselves are not strong in any area, it does not matter – you can always consult with a specialist, at least with the same gastroenterologist.
And he will confirm: microbes do exist and must be fought with. After all, it is his work.
Having invented her own set of rules, a mother can go to bed with peace of mind every night, after all, she washed her hands for the child exactly 37 times or squeezed 5 glasses of apple juice. Today she deserves the top five, the thought of it warms her.
Unfortunately, she forgets that the world of adults is not a school and it has not been assessed in it for a long time.
“I always say: children should eat right, and parents should watch this carefully. Especially now, when so many fast foods and unhealthy products are divorced.
To fill children with chocolates and concentrates? What wildness!
My children will prefer a tasty vegetable to any chocolate, because they know how much good it contains. But for this, my husband and I had to try.
We invented for our boys something like a table-menu: they divided a large white sheet into seven parts according to the number of days in a week and put in them a list of dishes for every day, which we make up on Saturdays with the whole family. For dishes we draw the products of which they consist.
This is very informative, for example, now children already know which product contains healthy fiber, and which one – harmful cholesterol.
Along the way, we study biology: how and where fruits, vegetables and cereals grow. Children also know how to make pasta or bake bread. They know that any food, even porridge, must be chewed thoroughly so that the stomach and tummy do not get sick.
For them, this is a game, and learning at the same time. Although I myself, of course, not a nutritionist, but because I had to make an appointment with a specialist, and he taught me how to make food healthy and balanced.
On his advice, I try to use only organic products.
But, unfortunately, my friends are little worried about what their children eat. They give them the lollipop all the time, then the chocolate bar.
When we visit them, to my children, this, of course, also applies. How can I try to resist this, and often there are conflicts. But now we have found a way out of them, I just took it and explained to my boys that they should not take food from strangers, even from their own mother’s friends.
My friends say, I go too far, but I just want my children to be healthy. ”
No woman knows how to be the perfect mother. But at the same time all the responsibility for the most beloved and dear – the child – lies only on her.
What if a mistake? Mom gets scared, and she tries to drive fear deep into herself.
To do this, she comes up with all sorts of spells: “Bath every day – and everything will be fine.” And fear was gone. How can something happen to a child who smells good, eats properly and goes to bed on time?
And most importantly, for all of this mother is not difficult to trace.
But to accept the child as he is, or allow him to choose for himself, teach him English or geography, not everyone can do the job. Forcing the child to do what is needed, and not what he wants, parents struggle only with their own fears. The rejection of chocolates and lollipops has nothing to do with the upbringing of children, the development of a creative personality in it, a good or bad smell.
The more the child suffers from the rules imposed on him, the less chances he has to show himself in the future.
“Bathing in our family has become a special ritual. Every evening I take warm water into the bath, I spread tender foam in it and I put my babies there.
All three. They frolic in the water, splash, and I myself enjoy them as a child.
And how many rubber toys in our bathroom! A whole menagerie. I also bought a plastic boat for everyone, so there is something to play with.
Our soap is also difficult – colorful, in the form of fish. When the guys napryagyutsya in the water, I tell them stories about the unknown underwater world, about the little mermaids and tritons.
Therefore, a bath for them is real entertainment, and they look forward to it every day.
I am happy that I managed to instill in children a love of purity. Hygiene for me is first of all. Recently, the elders themselves took the initiative and every morning, before going to kindergarten, they began to take a shower.
And I brush them teeth, the children are still small, and it seems to me that they themselves do not really succeed. I am proud of my little ones, they don’t have to read the fairy tale “Moidodyr”, they are so clean.
They always smell like soap and shampoo.
Almost all the cabinets are crammed with soft terry towels, which my husband and mother-in-law really do not like, they think I do everything to raise sons from children. And when I bought each of the babies a bottle of toilet water, they stopped talking to me at all. It really offends me.
They do not understand how important hygiene is in a child’s life.
I myself grew up in a large family, my mother spent all day at work, and when she returned home, her hands didn’t reach us, the children. I remember I came to the class in a stale cuff, wrinkled dress. And my classmates always looked like pictures, and I was very ashamed of myself, I felt as if I was the worst.
I do not want my children to ever experience something similar. ”
“Microbes are the smallest, but the most evil creatures in the world. As soon as I think about them, shudders.
Probably, this phobia came to me from some ancestor-cleaners, but she determined my approach to the education of Pasha.
When he was born, I began to sterilize all nipples, bottles and rattles with great zeal. I covered the table on which they were processed with clean tracing paper.
My husband thought my commitment to sterile purity was meaningless. It seemed to him that I spend a lot of time on her and complicate my life for myself and others. When the son grew up, there was no need for nipples and rattles, and I fell into another extreme: I began to wash his hands often.
I only felt ill at the thought of those microbes that he could pick up on the street and in the toilet. After all, you can earn gastroenteritis. I did not give Pasha to the kindergarten either.
Children crawling there on the dirty floor, sucking the same toys, and nobody cares about it. Every morning I wash the floors in my house, and I don’t let guests in shoes on the threshold.
The husband believes that such upbringing does not benefit the child, but I am obsessively obsessed with cleanliness. It bothers me a bit. ”
Every parent wants to bring up a genius. But for this child do not need to be framed – to drive for a walk, in circles, sports sections.
Geniuses are those who are able to break the usual framework and break out of their limits. And parents who are under the strict control of children who live by the clock have little chance of becoming them.
“I am absolutely sure that the most important thing in the upbringing of children is the daily routine. I don’t understand some parents who let their children stay up late to watch TV or go hungry on the street. But what about the lessons?
They must be prepared on time, so that later you can go to bed just in time.
At parents’ meetings, Anya’s teacher does not get tired of repeating: only a sleepy child is able to manifest herself in class. And I completely agree with her, and I am also sure that a child is not able to perceive new knowledge on an empty stomach.
My daughters know that for the person in the first half of the day, the cereals, sandwiches with butter, milk and freshly squeezed juices, which are eaten and drunk at breakfast, become “combustible”. By the way, in our family breakfast is not only the first meal, but also something like a family meeting.
We sit down at the table and start discussing plans for the day. I, the husband and the girls get up almost at the same time, at 7 am, even on weekends, because we are all larks. On weekdays, after breakfast, the girls go to school, returning home, they have lunch at exactly one o’clock in the afternoon, and at 13.30 they go to their room to take a nap.
But we don’t allow them to sleep for more than an hour, everything is good in moderation. Then a short walk, lessons, shower at 19.00 and checking homework.
So that one does not mess around while the lessons are being checked by the other, my husband and I shared the responsibilities, he took on the youngest daughter, I am the older one. Exactly at half past eight girls go to bed.
And so every day.
I am glad that my children live by the clock and do not waste a single minute. And doubly happy that my husband fully supports my point of view.
I am sure that my daughters will achieve a lot in life, now they are good at drawing, doing music school, learning English, going to rhythmic gymnastics. And many children from under a stick have to be forced to do at least school lessons, so when they tell me that I am too demanding on my daughters, I load them too much, depriving them of childhood, I understand: I am just jealous. ”
Let’s look at the situation not through the eyes of a psychologist, microbiologist or gastroenterologist, and not even through the eyes of my mother. Let’s look at them through the eyes of your child. The task of the child is to become an adult himself, to have his own idea of what is good and what is bad.
But it can only be his presentation. What adults impose on him is not his.
And how often with regret you have to observe such a situation: when reaching adolescence, the child begins to break the framework in which adults have concluded it. In my practice more than once there were cases when the most diligent, enthusiastic and diligent mothers children in adolescence ran away from home, missed lessons. They destroyed the old system of rules and created a new one of their own.
And if the only space beyond the control of parents is a street or a staircase, the child will go there.
It is significant that all four mothers are not just mothers, but creative, intelligent women. But for some reason they decided to narrow themselves down to just one role, draw vegetables in tables and write scripts for themselves.
Of course, the role of the mother is the most important role in the life of a woman, but not the only one. And Anastasia, and Maria, and Veronica, and Svetlana, the energy hits over the edge, but they all directed her to the children.
And such a powerful stream may well become destructive.
Give your child a chance to make choices, make mistakes. No one is ever insured against them, in the life of two or three rules mom can not do.
Do not impose anything on your children, but only imperceptibly direct you to the correct path. This is the art of being a good mom.