Many childish leprosy, for which in the times of our grandmothers, a child would get a serious scolding, do not cause indignation in loving parents today, but, on the contrary, are touched because they are proof of ingenuity, creativity, courage, and, therefore, correct education. Nevertheless, the norms of behavior in the family and society have not been canceled.
Education continues to be based on defining and maintaining the boundaries of what is permitted.
Julia grasps her grandmother’s hair again and again with such force as if she wants to check how tightly her hair is attached to her head. Nikita cannot calmly see the glasses and, if he manages to take possession of them, immediately throws them to the ground with joyful laughter. Nastya is trying to push the curd cheese into the chair … All the “nonsense” that the yearling toddlers invent is, of course, done by them without malicious intent.
The rules of decent behavior are as unfamiliar to them as most of the words of the native language.
At this age, everything that causes your reaction (your torn hair, broken glasses, mashed potatoes on the floor …) has a huge attractive force for kids. Of course, the child already understands the word “no” and even your simple explanation: “You can’t touch the lamp, it’s hot.” But his impulses and desires are now much stronger than the ability to self-control.
Fortunately, during this period of development, they can be picked up and simply carried away from a dangerous object. And if the child is constantly satisfied with the hunt for your glasses, a bottle of perfume, a TV remote control, say firmly (but not fiercely) a decisive “no” and take the prey from tenacious fingers by offering another item or game in return. Slowly but surely, the child begins to orient himself in the space of the house and even outside it, distinguishing potentially dangerous objects from safe ones.
He gets a basic understanding of the world and the rules of existence in it.
To make this process successful, you can not:
- Scream and spank the baby. This will not help him understand your rules, but will only upset and confuse him.
- Read long notations. The kid will not understand them anyway, and you risk “winding up” yourself and aggravating the situation.
- To embark on long negotiations, “moan”: “Well, please do not touch my spirits, they are so expensive, and I will be upset if they spill”, etc. The kid will take your monologue as a game or a performance and is unlikely to extract from it lesson. The style of your relationship with your child is laid now. For normal development, the child needs hard boundaries. “No” should mean “no”, not “maybe” or “see.” There should not be too many bans, so all dangerous, fragile, valuable items should be removed away for this period.
- Often change the rules. Yesterday, the picture painted on the floor with vegetable puree caused a smile and even admiration from mom, and today was immediately destroyed with a displeased face and a heavy sigh. What conclusion should a child make? That the rules depend on your mood and can be broken when the mother is “kind.”
- As a punishment, to deprive a child of your society, putting him in a playpen for a long time. Limiting the child’s natural activity often provokes aggression, stubbornness and other undesirable manifestations. A child needs your attention, and the more he receives it, the less “hooliganism” will be to attract him!
The baby already knows the basic rules. He knows that some things are unacceptable, others are formally prohibited, but sometimes get away with it – which means there is a field for experiment.
During this period, volitional self-regulation is still poorly developed, and curiosity often prevails over consciousness. During this period, the leprosy of the child is the result of insufficient experience, and not cunning or the desire to “make spite”. The child is already testing the limits of strength with your participation, watching your reaction and imitating you.
If you can remain calm, show respect for the growing personality of the child and show an example of friendly, reasonable, benevolent behavior, the process of establishing solid boundaries will not cause protest and the child will not have the desire to break the rules to annoy you.
Now he needs to jump, swing, climb, crawl into narrow passages – this is how he trains himself to keep his balance and learns to control his own body. A direct link has been established between the child’s physical activity and self-confidence, so do not deprive your child of the right to move. Do not be afraid of the displeasure of neighbors, if the kid is noisy worn around the apartment.
Even in rented apartments, the child has the right to do what is assigned to him by nature. Reasonably dose the word “no.” Support research and discovery.
Before you shout “Do not grab a vase!” Or “Do not go on the table,” make sure that the baby can do it. Some “no” can be canceled when the child acquires the appropriate skills.
Remind yourself that what is obvious to us is not such for a two-year-old: for example, one broken glass will not teach him to handle all glass products with care, but to link the cause (wet feet) and the effect (cold) will need more not one year and not one puddle.
Do not be lazy to again and again explain to the child the consequences of unwanted behavior. Short, uncomplicated explanations work best: “If you tear a book, we cannot read this story”, “If you lose your car key, we will not be able to go to the park.”
The clearer your requirements, the easier it is for the child to control his behavior – even in your absence!
If possible, do not interfere with the child when he is absorbed in the game. A game is a study in the course of which all the potential possibilities of a child are revealed.
Try to comprehend the motives of the child’s behavior, even if his activity seems to you pure nonsense. If you caught the kid playing in the toilet with a toothbrush, do not scold him.
Take a deep breath three times and come up with an alternative: for example, clean the sink with a special brush. The horizon of your child will expand, and the conflict will be resolved peacefully.
Do not inflate an elephant out of a fly, do not stick labels. If the child’s behavior seems strange to you, consult a specialist literature or consultant. Perhaps the “misdemeanor” because of which you are sounding the alarm is the age norm of behavior.
Thus, the aggressive behavior of the child in relation to the animal does not necessarily indicate mental disorders, most often it is only a manifestation of interest and an immature form of establishing contact. Take action if the game has taken a hard turn, and do not leave the kid alone with the animal.
Personality is growing before our eyes! The child wants to do only what he wants.
Unfortunately, parents often encourage whims, ignoring moments when a child is willing to cooperate, and dramatizing situations when he is not ready to obey. In addition, we all sometimes overestimate expectations, demanding from the child that he is physically unable to fulfill.
Sometimes a child simply cannot understand our requirements.
Whenever you feel anger in your heart, make every effort to pause and change the text of your inner monologue. The fear of losing control over the child’s behavior forces us to use methods that we consider unacceptable in a calm state.
Count to 10 or arrange a time-out for the child and put your thoughts in order. Instead of self-incrimination or surrender to the problem, tell yourself that you can cope with yourself and instil in the child the skills of self-control and responsible behavior necessary in life.
Look at the situation as an educational moment.
Try to mentally transfer yourself to the future, at a time when the reason why you are now ready to shed bitter tears will be remembered with a nostalgic smile. Even if the behavior of the child sometimes drives you crazy, try not to be fixed only on its negative sides.
At this age, children show amazing ingenuity, many amaze with diplomatic abilities and acting skills. Enjoy the child, laugh with him over his tricks, take pictures of him soiled with flour, crawling up to his ears in a muddy puddle, dressed up like a garden scarecrow … Solid boundaries are necessary, but this does not mean that you need to make a strict but fair person all the time.
Do not be surprised if, after returning from work, you find your little angel painting your best album on art with expensive father’s “Mont Blanc.” The kid still lives in the egocentric world and often acts on the principle “what is not forbidden is allowed”.
Your chances of achieving obedience will increase if you find the right words to explain the meaning of the rules, prohibitions and restrictions. Use plots of fairy tales and cartoons, invent stories from the life of toys or aliens, where a kind, generous and attentive to others character with the name of your child will act.