HAPPY PARENTS The birth of a daughter of Octavia 4 years ago was a special stage in your life? VALERY GUY GERMANY Yes, in life everything is all stages.
Before me, women gave birth for millions of years and did not attach much importance to this … And then, you know, then I had such a difficult period that I was not delighted and analyzed the situation – I thought how to cope with all this. I was 23 years old, and I didn’t have a very clear idea how to organize one thing all: my life, work, life of a child, living conditions.
Everything was very incomprehensible, so in some global terms I simply did not think about having a child. And I thought about what to do, because I was alone with my daughter, without a husband.
Although, of course, then my parents helped me a lot and help now.
S.R. Valeria, have you worked on the film “Everyone will die, but I will stay” up to the birth? V.G.G.
I did not interrupt the work during the entire pregnancy and even when I was already at home, I worked remotely. She gave birth, when she was speaking, and continued to lead the process for three more days from the hospital, and then she quickly left the hospital and went to work.
I was already in the studio on Mosfilm on rewriting.
S.R. Some artists equate the creation of works to the birth of children.
And you? V.G.G. Well no.
This feeling may have occurred when I was an idealistic student. It was then that I treated art. Then she stopped when she realized what kind of work it was, what a big technical moment is present in it.
Still, cinema, shooting for me work, and not some idealistic maxims. Right now I read Yuri Herman, and his main character, the surgeon Vladimir Ustimenko, despised vulgarity, laughed at the phrases: “The kind, clever hands of the surgeon,” “he plays like a piano,” and the like.
That is, first of all, work, cinema is a craft.
S.R. Valeria, you became a vegetarian right after birth, what is the reason? V.G.G.
I became a vegetarian because it was time to become one.
S.R. And the doctors did not say that vegetarianism is harmful during feeding? V.G.G.
No, they did not say anything. And everything was fine.
I think vegetarianism is not an obstacle for feeding with milk. I know vegetarians who both conceive children, being such, and fed, and raise them vegetarians.
In my one project, the little girl is removed, so here they have a whole family of vegetarians, and she herself too.
S.R. Does Octavia eat meat?
But if I become a vegetarian, I will not worry.
S.R. Did you want a girl or a boy?
The girl is closer to me. It’s difficult to bring up a boy; it’s difficult to raise a boy at all. It is enough to educate the girl in the consciousness that she is cool.
Just a cool girl! And for the education of the boy, some effort is needed, and without a father, I think, ten times more effort.
S.R. Do you think what a person has a share of innate qualities and upbringing?
V.G.G. 50 to 50.
And I don’t need to change anything in a person, you can put a certain moral framework.
S.R. And how does this happen to Octavia? V.G.G.
It is difficult for her to set the frame. Now she has just such a period when we are trying to do it. But it does not always work.
It is not clear how to behave with her now. I think she took a lot from me, took a lot from the world … She listens very carefully to everything, notices and processes in herself.
And sometimes it is very difficult to find a point of mutual understanding with her. I try not to go over any kind of hardness.
S.R. Are you more tough mom or soft?
V.G.G. I am neither hard nor soft, I am surrendered. I want to baptize her, maybe it will be easier.
She sometimes makes statements peculiar. For example: “I will be by myself.”
An individuality, perhaps, forms it in such a way, he searches for himself, I don’t know … It’s hard to understand a soul that cannot express itself in words.
S.R. You do not grieve that because of the work for the Octavia you have less time left?
V.G.G. No, I love my job. I am not torn between my daughter and work.
I am not fanatical about this, it is not my super-vocation to have children. Objectively, this is not mine.
So what’s up with flirting and flirting?
S.R. Work and child – for you clear concepts?
V.G.G. It’s like asking who you love more – mom or dad.
S.R. You never have a dispute with your parents about raising Octavia?
V.G.G. I trust them, we all live together.
Mom read a lot of books about this, she was preparing for the appearance of Octavia thoroughly and seriously, studied the new modern educational systems. The child should be given a lot of time, but I can not do that.
It is impossible to simultaneously make a movie and give it time. Of course, I try to take my daughter with me to work.
She watches a video on a playback there, but I also have such films … It looks like people kiss there. Although we do not hide from her.
And what hide from it! She understands everything perfectly.
Children generally know and understand everything. And there is nothing to hide – this world, and you live in it.
She watched this video at work, made some conclusions. All the same, he understands everything in his own way. Yesterday he says: “Grandma, I will only marry you when I grow up.”
Grandmother says no, they marry the guy they love. Octavia says: no, they say, and I’ll go for you, granny, and make all of you, and make soup, I’m kind, right? And just yesterday she read a book about Snow White, and Octavia kept asking if she was kind and why we call her angry sometimes.
We explain that sometimes she behaves this way, therefore we call. They began to dissuade: no, you, Octavia, are very kind, you feed the birds, you take care of us … We don’t have any particular conflicts, she’s just a very proud girl, and it’s useless to punish her. When she needs, she is obedient, and when she does not … Octavia can come from a walk, stand in the door and say: “So that tomorrow there will be no one on my playground!”
S.R. And how do you react? V.G.G.
No Well, what can I say to this?
If I still react, everything will develop into an endless dictatorship. Or it demands: “Well, quickly set me up a cartoon!” I say that you don’t have to talk to your mother in such a mandative tone and in general with people who are older, they don’t communicate like that. “No, I’m the oldest!” – says. I leave for work, I say: “Bye!” – “No, not yet!” – I hear in response.
Children tend to suck a little energy, and for this they provoke. They need hyper attention not only when you embrace them or play with them, but attention in such an active form. And they are waiting for your reaction.
Octavia provokes and utters an indecent word. He will say – and looks at us with her grandmother, knowing full well what she said.
We are silent, because we know: only the absence of any reaction will help here.
S.R. Were you the same at her age?
V.G.G. No, I wasn’t exactly like that. In our time, they did not communicate with their parents.
In our time there was a completely different system of education, the world was different, the parents were different. I specifically asked my acquaintances of my peers, one of them could have spoken a rude, indecent word to their parents, and everyone answered that, of course, no.
Just flew to the corner, and that’s all. And now children communicate with each other and with adults, to the lungs.
S.R. What to do in such circumstances, how to educate?
V.G.G. Only by personal example, because children necessarily need authority, an idol, they are always equal to someone. I did not see children who would not be equal to anyone, unless they are autistic, of course.
Right now, both in songs and in advertising, the cult of the mother: “My mother is the best, mother is the first word” – and this is good. And I see how this affects Octavia.
She asks for cosmetics, she definitely needs to make up her nails, and sometimes black, like mine. But she takes something from me, but something doesn’t.
For example, I asked my daughter if she wanted tattoos, like me, she said no, she did not. And I don’t need any didactics. The nature of the Octavia is much more complicated than mine.
But, in my opinion, she is an interesting person. She had already stated at three and a half years that “she is depressed and from what she does not know, therefore she will be on her own.”
It seems to me that this is under her mowing, although I don’t advertise my state of depression in front of her, which is normal, however, for the artist.
S.R. Probably, children, if they do not know, they feel that way.
V.G.G. Children generally feel even the previous memory of generations.
It is said that if children under five ask who they were before this birth, they will tell, because they remember. I ask all the children about it.
Here Octavia said that she was not here yet. And one boy from kindergarten replied that he was a hare in the forest, a wolf ran after him and ate him.
S.R. Octavia goes to kindergarten? V.G.G.
First went to Montessori, then to normal. At first they were taken to a commercial one, but they understood that it was the same there and in the district one.
He is engaged in dancing, goes to class on the cubes of Zaitsev, learns to read. I went to English, but they took it, they decided that it was too early, I think, we will continue soon. And to the music, on the piano we will give.
It is impossible for a child not to do anything! Then he will have nothing to choose from.
And then, I know many grown-up children who reproached parents that they did not force them to go somewhere, to do something.
S.R. How do you spend time with her together? V.G.G.
We play her favorite games, collect mosaics. I draw – and she sits down with me to draw. She really likes to paint, wash and shave her face with me.
We now have two dogs: the Kalman Sheepdog and the Chinese Crested Monya. And when Octavia began to demand that they buy their own personal dog, we were reminded that we already have two.
So we split up: she took Kalman to herself, and left Monya for me. But with Kalman she is, of course, easier, because he is older than Moni and huge.
More precisely, it is rather easier for him, because for a small dog a child is dangerous. And together, with my dad, mom, my sister and her three-year-old son, we love to go on the rides in “Filion”.
S.R. Octavia is not asking for a brother or sister?
V.G.G. Requests, of course.
Instead of dolls, he asks for a living one: “I want a real baby,” and that’s it!
S.R. Would you like another one?
V.G.G. Of course. I do not mind to breed.
But who exactly I want, I do not know yet. Maybe the girl is still … You know, in general it is very difficult to talk about children just like that, abstractly.
We must wait for a person who also wants the same thing as you, and only then want something concrete.