There are formal leaders who are “positions”, but there are informal ones – and each of us can be one. After all, we all have certain talents.
One can tell so enticingly that everyone will immediately catch fire with the desire to arrange a children’s holiday outside the city, while the other can organize everything so clearly that there will be no extra expenses or fuss; and even to criticize a plan for everyone to see its weak points is also a rare ability.
There are several types of informal leaders, in one of which you may recognize yourself or your baby.
Specifications. Enthusiast, inventor and fidget.
He charges with his emotions and ideas of everyone around him, knows how to lead people along. It burns easily, but can burn out just as easily. He is driven by dreams and fantasies, and he almost never exactly imagines how to turn them into steps in steps.
His motto: “The main thing is to get involved in a fight, but it will be clear there!” The emotional leader often fills bumps: the ice is broken, people are ready to “give life” for the sake of an idea, and he is already tired of the difficulties that have to be methodically overcome. As a result – depression, and after some time, again a fascination with a new idea – and so on to infinity.
Useful tips. Remember a simple rule: if there is a feeling that you have taken possession of the “fix idea”, think whether this is really so important. It is necessary to look for a partner or a team that can control the process and finish the job started.
Emotional leader must work in pairs.
Exercises against hot temper. Work with states: alternately take a series of deep breaths and breaths or a deep breath, and then, without exhaling, another one. The same with exhalations.
Another exercise: strain your whole body, hold the tension for half a minute, and then abruptly reset it.
Specifications. Organizer or coordinator. He knows how to plan well: he intuitively feels who and at what stage of work is worth attracting and which it will require effort.
But its main drawback is the lack of emotionality, expressiveness and charisma.
Useful tips. Work with emotions, allow yourself to express them fully, at the same time turning off rationalism.
Because of your emotional “off” it seems that you do not care what will happen.
Exercises for the development of emotionality. During any game (even “Field of Dreams”, at least football) try to throw out emotions through shouting, gestures.
This will help to emotionally enthrall people and lead them not only with the help of logical arguments.
Specifications. His revolutionary attitude is one of the most vivid ways to draw attention to his person.
After all, it is easier to criticize than to create. Such people do not like bosses, but support all the “humiliated and offended.” Gradually, however, the anti-leader loses points, and they begin to shun him.
He constantly sows doubts between people, separates them.
Useful tips. At the age of 2 to 5 years, the baby begins a period of self-identification. He gradually realizes that mom and he, dad and he are not the same thing.
It is at this moment that he first says no, thereby provoking parents. And they give in.
Mom says to the baby: “You can not spit,” and he replies: “No, I will!” – And spits again, and the surrounding laugh. Or he begins to sob – and all go to meet him.
So gradually, the child gets used to the fact that saying “no” is beneficial.
Exercises for the development of positive thinking. It is very important to support others, instead of constantly criticizing them.
The truth is necessary, but sometimes it is better to remain silent. We often are anti-leaders and within ourselves: we love to criticize ourselves for any trifle.
It is important to notice and encourage your any positive achievement.
The topic “Leadership is a whim” from the point of view of some psychological schools has nothing to do with a child. This is a subjective assessment of the parents. “Up to three years old, parents treat a baby like a king.
And it is right. Parents should take care that the child grows up healthy both physically and emotionally, – says psychologist Elena Grishunina. – But it’s too early to say whether the child is a leader or not.
At the age of three, children experience the first age crisis, the baby is aware of their belonging to society, and then there are pronounced social protests (mothers are shocked by the first violent “no” and “I don’t want” of their children). And here you can already discern whether it is a whim or an attempt to insist on it. The vagaries of nature are irrational, it’s just fun.
Leadership is a more complex concept. It always manifests itself in the fact that a person organizes other people, and does not arrange tantrums, wanting to insist on his own. Watch carefully how consciously your child wants something.
If he slightly throws back his head and starts screaming, then, most likely, this is a simple whim. ” From the age of 5, you can already get a more or less intelligible answer from the child himself, why does he need it: “Do you just want this thing or do you have some idea?” The leader child always acts through a plan for organizing process: he wants to get this nail, nail it, tie a machine to it, so that it does not run away (however strange it may sound to parents). And do not be surprised that, despite the ban and intimidation, he will repeat his attempt.
The leader is not afraid of mistakes. He is convinced that everything in his life depends on him (not on circumstances, not on money, not on parents). The initiative should be encouraged.
If the baby says: “Mom, go away, do not bother me, myself,” do not project your alarm on him! Let him learn himself to achieve the fulfillment of his desires and perfect the combination of “I want”, “I can” and “do”.
And this, as we know, is the formula for success.
Inna, 35 years old: “My son likes to sit alone with toys. Children are rushing around, calling to play.
And he flatly refuses. ”
“In fact, psychology has not resolved the issue of how the achievement motivation is formed. Of course, innate characteristics play a huge role here, ”says psychologist Elena Grishunina. – It is almost impossible to make a leader out of melancholic or phlegmatic.
But here sanguine and choleric often become leaders. They are active, they are able to captivate themselves, to convince their “comrades” that they themselves need it. “
Nastya, 25 years old: “A friend says:“ The main thing is to teach a child to work with elbows. You need to be able to take what you want.
I am proud of my son: he not only does not give up his toys to anyone, but he can grab strangers as well. ” And I do not agree! “
“This is a very big problem: now there is no social ideology,” says psychologist Elena Grishunina. – And many parents are at a loss: what is better: to give your car away or to take it away from everyone? Even if the parents decide for themselves how to raise a baby, then there is no guarantee that the neighbors will hold the same views.
Our children will have to invent new laws of social communication. ”
If a child behaves aggressively, takes away cars from other children, this is not a sign of leadership. The leader is not aggressive, but directive.
Directivity is open communication, the ability to defend their point of view. Convincing the other child that it’s in his interest to give the machine now is true leadership (fraudulently or with the help of aggression is another matter).
Teach baby to find common ground with other children.
“We need to start by saying that the child has nothing to do with this“ adult ”problem, says the child psychologist Irina Danilova. – These are estimates of adults: what is good and what is bad, what they consider to be a manifestation of leadership, and what is a whim. Parents try on a scale of values for their child, based on their ideal. If they encourage the whims of the baby, then he will be capricious, will encourage leadership – it means that he will show leadership qualities.
But how the baby will eventually grow up, only time will tell. There are no identical children and the same living conditions. ”
Olya, 38 years old: “My leader is growing – he likes to“ build ”everyone. On the court gives commands: “Everything is after me, we run there, we play this and that.”
It also talks with adults. ”
“It is possible that a leader will grow out of such a child,” says child psychologist Irina Danilova. – From the point of view of psychology, a leader is a person who does not trust the world around him, therefore he wants to tailor him according to his templates: it gives him a sense of security, which means that everything happens under HIS control. The best way to get rid of anxiety is to start controlling everything.
In psychology, there is the concept of “basic distrust of the world”, it is laid from birth to one year. The baby is crying, and mom does not respond. At an unconscious level, the baby feels that “I am with my desires, but I am not happy with the world.”
Or the reverse side of the medal: Mom runs to check the child endlessly; only he will relax, and she wakes him up. Again, the conclusion: the world is dangerous, you can not relax.
The baby absorbs everything like a sponge. A small person should rely on parents.
If he came home with broken knees, parents often start shouting at him or lisping convulsively – they broadcast anxiety.
Anna, 28 years old: “3-year-old daughter refuses to eat, asks herself to feed. Sometimes I go on her occasion. My husband thinks that I spoiled her – you need to teach a child to discipline from an early age: “If you don’t eat, go to the corner!” And what if a rokhley grows up? ”
“Of course, in our culture there is a tradition of intimidating children,” says child psychologist Irina Danilova. – Threats (“If you don’t eat, I’ll put you in a corner, pick up the plate”) make it impossible for a child to understand what he really wants. Not always even an adult can figure out what he wants, and it is doubly difficult for a child to do it.
But most importantly, the threat means only one thing for a child: you will cope with the problem alone. And he needs your support. But at the same time, the child in the family must know the limits of what is permitted (and you must clearly define them).
Try to mentally divide the assessment of children’s behavior into three different-colored fields. Green field means that everything is possible (play in any room of the apartment, sing songs on the street).
The yellow field is possible, but with the condition (you can only throw toys in your room; you can take only plastic beads from the box). The red zone is strictly impossible (run across the road, draw on the walls, eat chocolate if you are allergic to it).
Parents, as well as other family members, must be patient and consistent in their actions (it’s impossible to allow children to throw toys around the house today and scold the baby for it the next day), then it will be easier for the child to formulate his desires and goals. ”