Главная 7 Child development 7 The youngest child in the family: it is difficult to be a “god”

The youngest child in the family: it is difficult to be a “god”

The youngest child in the family: it is difficult to be a

He is a common favorite and darling, mischief-maker and such still silly. Compared to older kids, of course.

That he can forgive any tricks, he needs to give all the best. Because he is the youngest.

Because he is still a child. Compared to older kids, of course. Why compared?

But because the “youngest” can pass for twenty, and the parents will still see him as a baby.

Older children often complain: “And mom and dad younger love more!” – “What are you! – parents calm down. “You’re just big, you can take care of yourself.” And he is still so small, independent. ”

Well, of course! So the older one believed you!

Parents really love all children equally. Only a senior is hard to believe, because the youngest you allow what you do not allow him. Younger you care twenty-four hours a day.

The desire of the youngest is the law. In the corner, the younger is much less likely to be older.

Psychologists say that with younger children parents are less strict, they lower the bar of requirements. Why?

First, they have already gained some experience with the older child, analyzed the mistakes made in his upbringing, understood which techniques and tactics should be weeded out, and which ones should be left and strengthened. Secondly, parents and themselves do not really want to be strict with the youngest. He is the last, the other after him may not be.

Why not forgive him for pranks? He is still small.

But after all, the eldest child was once the same small, and his parents did not make such haste to make concessions. The answer is simple.

The older one was small in itself, not in comparison. The younger is small “in comparison.”

What can be forgiven to him is completely unforgivable to the eldest, because he should know better that “this is impossible”.

For the same reason, parents often shift the responsibility for the younger to the elder. Junior is not responsible for anything.

Who will be her with him – with a small one – to ask when there are older children in the family?

In addition, the younger, in contrast to the older, is not injured by the jealousy that accompanies the appearance of a newborn in the family.

“Often younger children become for parents a second attempt to prove to themselves that they are good mothers and fathers,” explains the child psychologist Alena Sinenko. – In the upbringing of the older child, they made a number of mistakes, and therefore they are not sure that they took place as parents. Having a younger child gives them a chance for rehabilitation.

You can zealously engage in the upbringing of a younger child and increase your opinion about yourself. But at the same time, it is not worth waving a hand at the elder one, hopelessly saying that “the first pancake is lumpy”. Give all children an equal share of attention, otherwise the older one will inevitably keep a grudge against the younger one.

And both will suffer. ”

The family is the cell of society with its well-established laws and rules. And the younger child is born when it is already formed. And without his participation. The only thing left for him is to obey the rules established in the family.

He should take the place that he was assigned to older family members.

But what is this place? Most often imposed.

Imagine such a picture. The family had two children. First, the eldest – educated, obedient boy.

The second is capricious and capricious. And here comes the third child – the youngest.

He can not become obedient and educated, because in this case no one will pay attention to him. What for? After all, there is already one obedient.

And the elder will succeed in his obedience much better than the inexperienced junior. For the same reason, he cannot become capricious. “Capricious place” is already occupied by the average.

And then the younger will have to invent something third, look for an empty niche. And if a family has many children, then almost all the niches, with the exception of some one, turn out to be occupied, and the scope for inventions remains small.

“Of course, the youngest child will fit into the family,” says Alyona Sinenko. – He will be her law-abiding member, because otherwise his life will be difficult. However, parents should understand that in the future, in order to enter adult life, he will have to get out of the niche in which his family has placed.

Make this exit painless, do not hurt the younger child, stating that you did not expect this from him at all, that you thought he would be like that, and he turned out to be different. Do not try on him the image that he does not want to wear and can not.

The youngest child in the family: it is difficult to be a

Psychologists say that more often the youngest child in the family plays the role of a little jester. Fool around, clowning, laugh elders. And all in order to attract attention.

It does not matter that he would like to be obedient or, conversely, capricious. Places are busy, there are no alternatives.

And if older children are endowed with talent, then the youngest is even harder to fight for parental attention. For example, the elder draws well. Of course, everyone praises him.

But the younger one also wants! Do not draw! And to be praised … He takes a color pencil, starts to lead them on a sheet of paper, but only scribbles come out.

The kid will throw pencils, because he understands: he will never become a better senior. But events can develop in another scenario.

Younger by all means want to engage in drawing, imitating the elder, and not to look for other opportunities for expression. No matter how bad this art is given to him. Then he risks becoming a bad copycat or a caricature of an artist.

And he could, without wasting time on something for which he does not have the ability, to discover in himself a talent for something else. To music or sports, for example.

However, there is also a third scenario. The younger can show remarkable drawing skills and leave the older far behind. The eldest will begin to be jealous of him.

He lives longer in this world, he draws longer, he, by definition, everything should go better than the younger one. Conflict between children is inevitable.

“Help the youngest child find himself,” advises Alena Sinenko. – If the elder is really talented in drawing, by all means praise him. But at the same time, find a reason to praise the younger one: if the drawing fails, because he reads poetry wonderfully or dances.

The younger one will receive his share of praise and attention, he will understand that his vocation is not in drawing as in the older one, he will find another interesting task for himself and will not turn into an unsuccessful imitator of the older child. If the younger shows the ability to, say, to draw, then aligning with the older will not hurt him at all, because then he will develop his abilities faster. ”

The youngest child in the family: it is difficult to be a

Why is the elder so calm, so obedient, and this one is a real firework of emotions? It is because the elder is so obedient and so calm.

If the elder were, on the contrary, noisy caprices, then the younger would most likely have been brought up by a meek. According to psychologists, it is precisely such a distribution of roles that often occurs in families with two children. The younger one needs something different.

Often parents are surprised when they hear about their younger children the testimonials of the grandparents who visited him: “He is so obedient, why do you call him a bully?” Parents cannot understand anything. “Is our baby so transformed outside the house?” He did not change, but became himself. He was alone at a party without a senior.

So, there is no need to play the role assigned to him at home. He has the opportunity to reveal completely different aspects of his character.

“Send the younger child more often to neutral territory, that is, to grandparents, so that he has the opportunity to get out of the usual role and show himself in some other way. Give him the opportunity to be not on the second, but on the first roles, because otherwise he can get used to the image of a hooligan, which can negatively affect his character as a whole, ”recommends Alena Sinenko.

This junior is a real punishment. Behind him you need an eye and an eye!

Then he will climb up on the window sill, then grab a knife from the kitchen table, then … you never know what else he can do! And what is he, like other kids, quietly not playing in the yard? Why do you need to go to someone else’s evil dog?

Or climb a tree? He sees fear in his mother’s eyes and understands: she is afraid for him, and therefore she loves.

The conclusion is simple – more often hug your youngest, tell him how much you love him, and he will become less distressed.

“The little one risks to understand if you love him along with other children,” explains Alena Sinenko. – As soon as you notice that in the struggle for parental attention, the baby is ready to take risks, try to turn his energy in a different direction. Run a race with him, play active games.

So you will help to spill his energy and at the same time give him your attention and love. ”

The youngest child in the family: it is difficult to be a

The youngest child grows up and eventually begins to understand: mom and dad pay him more attention, they are softer with him, they give him all the best. What causes a storm of indignation, resentment and jealousy on the part of older children.

Of course, they are trying to throw out all their offense on their younger brother / sister – to take away a toy from him, to push him, somehow childishly to call him a shame. The younger is weaker; he cannot stand up for himself. He has to be cunning.

No, he does not begin to lick up at the elders or curry favor with them. He is again saved by the same role of the little clown. He laughs elders, builds hilarious faces, mimics adults.

The elders, and the parents along with them, just roll with laughter. Well, how not to love such a rascal?

He wins the love of elders, becomes his own for them, and they take him into their games. Younger suits the role of a clown, but only for the time being.

The time will come, and he will certainly feel the need to be serious: after all, the role of the clown is imposed on him, and by nature he is often completely different. He will become himself, and older children will have to pass a love test – to accept the younger one and to love him as he is. Most likely, they will pass the test successfully, because the youngest is already his own person.

He has already managed to prove a hundred times that he deserves their love and respect.

“Younger children quite often try on the role of a clown,” says Alyona Sinenko. “Because they instinctively understand that seniors do not expect serious“ adult ”actions from him and are not always able to evaluate them. If your kid starts to fool around, you shouldn’t always play along with him, otherwise he will live in the role of a jester ”.

The youngest child often becomes for parents the last chance to keep the youth leaving. After all, undershirts, diapers and rattles are attributes of young parents. And mom and dad continue to lisp with their younger offspring, they don’t think to take the nipple away from him, they’d be taken out late from the carriage.

Every little step, perfect baby from the arena and stroller in the direction of independent life, more and more alienates the child from the parents. And they sometimes do not want this at all. And the kid himself is well aware: in order to continue to be a king, you need to stay small.

Talking to his parents, he babbles, although in kindergarten or in the courtyard he communicates with children in another, articulate language. He does not want to get used to the pot, does not want to give up diapers.

All this he does so that his parents continue to treat him like a little. Do not think that your junior will develop more slowly than their peers. Opposite!

After all, he, like a tightrope walker, constantly balances on a thin line – on the one hand he needs to be small for his parents, and on the other, he reaches out for the older ones, tries to keep up with them, and therefore he is growing faster. This is for you your youngest – a child, but in fact he is a bright and wise child.

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