Why, speaking about communication with people, we so often resort to food terminology? We say that we do not digest one of your friends or that you were forced to swallow an insult? That some aggressive man was ready to eat us with all the giblets and that we were fed up with his antics?
What is our baby so sweet that “so would have eaten”? Probably because food is our first love and the first experience of interacting with the world.
It is through her that a person establishes a connection with the surrounding reality and himself. It is through it that forms its consumption habits in the broadest sense.
The first relationship with food is the first close contact with another person. Of course, the baby does not realize itself apart from the mother, during feeding they become almost a single whole.
But it is the mother (more precisely, her breasts) that becomes the whole world for the child; it is for her that he “judges” whether it’s good in the world or not.
The famous Austrian psychologist of the last century, the founder of child psychoanalysis Melanie Klein believed that the behavior of mothers during feeding determines development in the first year of life, and designated maternal qualities with the terms “good breast” and “bad breast”. Good – the one that gives warmth, care, peace and, of course, enough milk.
The bad is the one that frustrates the child, makes you worry.
Nowadays, no one, even opponents of psychoanalysis, have any doubts about the importance of feeding a child on demand, and not according to a schedule. Putting to the chest at any time already provides a sense of confidence to the baby.
But the setting and the mood of the mother matter. Outside affairs, conversations interfere, unnerve the child, compel to fight for your attention.
Many mothers notice that even the smallest kids start to eat uneasily, intermittently (“as if someone takes them away”) if strangers enter the room. Even if these outsiders are actually close. “My mother-in-law loves to give advice – she is the mother of three children.
But I did not expect that there would be tips on feeding. As soon as he sees that I am going to feed, he immediately follows us. This situation seems uncomfortable to me – I don’t want to be naked at all.
But besides this, the child clearly does not like her presence. He starts to turn his head, loses his chest, eats little, and then asks again.
Hints did not help, and I just began to close the door from the inside. The mother-in-law, of course, was offended, but the feedings began to pass much calmer. ”
The same conditions should be observed if the baby is bottle-fed. He should still have a “good chest”, even if he eats from a bottle. Attention only to the child, bodily contact, a comfortable place and privacy – these rules must be observed during each feeding.
In addition, it is necessary to part with the feeling of guilt – if you have it – and in general with all the negative emotions about feeding. Of course, breast milk is useful. But you can be a good mom and give the baby everything he needs, even if you don’t breastfeed him.
Emotional comfort is also an important condition for development. And it is in your hands.
Mom – in carnival glasses and earflaps, grandmother – in a panama and with a toy airplane in her hands. People who have a child older than a year will not be surprised with such a scene. They all have to dress like that from time to time.
For breakfast, lunch or dinner. Of course, the case is not limited to one suit.
We also need theatrical abilities in order to play the scene very convincingly and very convincingly. “Oh, what is it that flew over there?” … and compote. All – baby fed.
All are free before dinner. It is interesting that many people criticize this method of feeding, especially those who themselves do not take the most active part in raising a child.
However, almost everyone resorts to it, being alone with the child and a bowl of soup. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Small children cannot concentrate on food for sufficient time. Distracting the child, we actually make the process of eating more interesting.
After all, you will agree, and it happens to us that it is tastier and more exciting to eat in a restaurant atmosphere, with beautiful music and pleasant interlocutors. However, it should be borne in mind that to captivate is not at all the same as forcing.
If the main goal is to “shove” everything that is on the plate, then very soon any entertainment at the child’s table will cause only negative emotions.
Children of any age have the right not to want something. Of course, they can be forced, but only to the detriment of themselves. The harm will not only be to the digestive system, but also to the character.
People who are weak-willed, who cannot understand in any way what they want, do not know how to make decisions, just from those who have been trained to eat, to give. Especially since the attitude towards children is alike in everything.
If mom makes you eat every last spoonful, she, most likely, is just as uncompromising in her choice of games, entertainment, activities. Give freedom in terms of food.
The older the child, the more freedom. A three-year-old no longer needs tales or persuasion.
He can himself understand what he wants and how much.
“When I was little, we didn’t have to eat for a long time. In general, the food was strictly – everything went in a certain order, which could not be broken. The parents themselves spoke only out of necessity, and my brother and I were not allowed. “Are you full?
March from the table ”- this phrase almost always ended for us children, lunches and dinners. But in the husband’s family everything is exactly the opposite. If you have time, then lunch can take two hours.
Everyone is sitting, talking, discussing affairs, joking with children. My dad would say about this: “Time to lose,” and I really like it.
In my family, I will do just that. ”
We eat in order to live, not live in order to eat. This, of course, is true – in the sense that food is the physiological need of living organisms, and that one should not eat too much.
But this does not mean at all that food should be given as little attention as possible, to simplify the process of eating food as much as possible (and to call it that way). In this case, we will lose the emotional component of nutrition, and it is also very important. Buying groceries, cooking, table setting, gathering all family members – it takes a lot of time.
But the waste in vain can not be called. After all, it contributes to the strengthening of relations, the creation of a special family community. Of course, due to employment, few people can afford such long meals every day.
But to arrange them at least on weekends is a must.
“When I eat, I am deaf and dumb.” This slogan is also correct and useful. For example, when it comes to a pioneer camp or a kindergarten group.
By the way, it was for children’s institutions that he was coined – to avoid noise. But this does not mean that at home, in the family, it is necessary to accustom the child to concentrated silence while eating. After all, in fact, communication does not impair either appetite or digestion.
Quite the contrary – it contributes, because a pleasant conversation improves mood, and positive emotions have a beneficial effect on the person as a whole. In general, we change the slogan. “When I eat, I say!” On any pleasant and quiet topics that do not cause anyone to protest. On topics that obviously can not lead to conflict or offend someone.
On topics that are clear and interesting to everyone. And let the children also be participants in such drinking conversations. In addition to positive emotions, they will also acquire the rules of a culture of communication at the table.
After all, it is very easy to show the child how to use a napkin and a knife. The rules of the conversation can not be explained.
It is necessary to see, hear and feel.
Each person has their own eating habits. Someone does not like to eat hot dishes, preferring sandwiches in front of the TV.
Someone can not live without chocolate in moments of stress. Most of these preferences are also formed in childhood, through the examples and advice of parents. At the same time, the value attitude to nutrition in general, the eating behavior of a person is laid.
Even the attitude to your own body is also laid through food. People who are often dissatisfied with their bodies as adults, consider themselves to be complete, may recall that they often heard criticism in their childhood as well.
Or not criticism, but simply evaluation. “It so happened that from 5 to 8 years old I grew up with my cousin Lena. Adults always worried that Lena was eating poorly and that she was very thin because of this. They always put her as an example to her: “Look, what a chubby Olya is a pleasure to see.”
I am pleased, of course, was not. I even felt awkward at the table when everyone was just discussing how much I ate and how much Lena. It is not clear why – in fact, we even wore clothes of the same size.
Now we have our own families and our children. I weigh 30 kilograms less than her, but I still feel plump.
And she is quite pleased with herself. “
Children of different ages treat comments about their weight and their diet in different ways. But for all, it can cause eating disorders. A preschooler can eat in secret to avoid remarks at the table; in an older child, this behavior of parents can lead to refusal to eat at all.
Pediatric physicians around the world note that diseases such as anorexia (complete rejection of food) and bulimia (neurotic desire to eat large quantities of food, followed by cleansing of the stomach with vomiting or laxative) are getting younger. This is due to the fact that it is too early for girls to talk about the meaning of appearance, a good figure.
Parents too obsessively implant principles of healthy eating, although they themselves sometimes understand it very peculiarly. Raw food, vegetarianism – perhaps, in itself, this is all good, but if children are involved in this forcibly (or because parents simply do not want to cook separate dishes for each person), then they are unlikely to benefit from it. Rather, there will be a feeling of resentment and inferiority (especially since it is easy to understand that food can also be different).
Will this type of food be able to heal a child? Of course not.
Childhood trauma – food
Food is an inexhaustible source of conflict. And it always has been.
After all, the character began to show the baby as early as two months old – dodging a bottle of milk formula. And when he was six months old, he was already spitting applesauce, the spoon with which his mother carefully stuffed him in her mouth.
At the age of a year and a half, he suddenly began desperately to resist attempts to feed him vegetables and fruits. Not a child, but a real punishment!
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