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The most important weather in the house

The most important weather in the house

Without exaggeration, we can say that children’s psychological trauma is able to have a negative impact on a person’s entire life. In early childhood, the foundations of character are laid, relationships with people, life attitudes are formed. And all this, of course, under the influence of various situations, the atmosphere in which the child grows.

Adults, when describing their problems, often themselves realize that “I have such a thing since childhood” – although they do not always remember how “it” began. “It’s just physically unpleasant when someone walks or sits behind me. Even at work I try to avoid such situations ”; “It has always been very disturbing.

If in the evening someone from home is not home, I do not find a place for myself ”; “I could never speak to the public. I blush, sweat, stutter – and I’m afraid everyone is paying attention to this. ”

The reason, or rather the trigger mechanism of such problems, there are always psychological trauma. They guide the development of the neurotic type. For example, a child may constantly experience fear.

Fear that the fire will start, that the dog will bite, that he will get sick with some terrible disease. Of course, such experiences affect the overall condition of the child.

He finds it difficult to sleep, often wakes up in the middle of the night, and in the morning, when he has to get up and go to the kindergarten, he feels tired. Over time, these children begin to get headaches, pains in the heart area, disorders in the stomach and intestines. This weakens the body even more and increases fear.

There is a vicious circle.

Neurotic disorder can reveal itself not only by fear. There are neurosis obsessive states.

It is manifested by the fact that the child becomes suspicious, constantly afraid to do something wrong. The behavior of such children is outwardly very “adult”: they do not joke, do not laugh, as if constantly monitoring their behavior. Neurasthenia is a painful overstrain of the psycho-physiological capabilities of a child when he feels that he cannot meet the requirements of others.

Such children are constantly experiencing stiffness, tension, irritated over trifles, tired even in normal conditions at home and kindergarten. Hysterical neurosis is manifested by excessive capriciousness – when a child arranges scenes to attract attention to himself, he behaves in such a way that his parents are forced to engage only in them. Nastya does not eat well.

Everyone who communicates with their families in one way or another knows about this. And although with the development of the girl everything is in order, the parents simply do not know how to teach her to eat normally. Every breakfast, lunch and dinner is a real torture.

Persuasion, games, cautions (“One girl didn’t eat – she remained small”) do not lead to anything. Even the neighbors’ children were attracted – to show how normal boys and girls eat. But Nastya still eats badly, because in reality it is her salvation.

Only in this way did she achieve the attention of her mother, who, early and without much preparation, gave the girl to the care of a nanny. The child needs very little to learn how to influence the parents.

But, having achieved his, he can no longer refuse such behavior. It becomes a habit, a way of life, and then a part of personality.

Probably with something very unpleasant and painful for a child. But finding out exactly what is not so easy.

The invasiveness of an event is determined not only by what exactly happened, but also by many other factors. Divorce parents: objectively this event is considered traumatic for the child. But if the divorce is peaceful, the child was correctly explained the essence of the matter, after parting both parents are actively involved in his life, then it will be much easier to survive.

But such an event as a vacation, it would seem, traumatic can not be in any way. However … The child is about three years old.

Mom all this time engaged only in him, and finally recently was able to send to kindergarten. Together with her husband, they decide that they can relax now and entrust the baby to the grandmothers. Returning, do not believe your eyes.

The child is constantly crying, asking for hands, naughty. He hasn’t been in a kindergarten for a week now – the temperature rises, then an upset stomach. “It’s his grandmothers who have been spoiled,” the parents decide, “no one can be trusted.”

In fact, this parental vacation was too difficult for the child. Why?

Because the child has just experienced one stress (going to kindergarten) and did not have time to adapt to it. Because until that time, I had never been without my mother for so long.

Because the departure of parents for a small child is a phenomenon completely incomprehensible, frightening and uncertain in time. This for an adult 2-3 weeks pass quickly, but for a small child they feel like a very long time and are difficult to realize.

In addition, it is one thing when the grandmother, having stayed with the child, says that the parents have left on very important matters and will soon arrive with gifts. Another – if she explains for disciplinary purposes: “If you don’t remove the toys, the parents will not come.

Find yourself another boy. ” The grandmother will forget about his threats in an hour, but the child will remember them for a long time.

After all, children believe adults and often suffer precisely from this.

This is also impossible to know for sure. All children are different – with their own characteristics of temperament, physical and mental health.

Children with a strong type of nervous system experience stress more easily, however, they are not insured either. Severe injuries (the child witnessed an accident, got into a catastrophe) act on them. Children with a weak type of nervous system, who since childhood have been distinguished by their impressionability, vulnerability, and increased sensitivity to external stimuli, also suffer from events that are not objectively so severe. “When I was a child, my mother and I went to the sea.

To get tickets back, I had to stand all day at the airport in a huge queue. It was hot, stuffy, surrounded by people on all sides.

One elderly woman suddenly became ill – she swayed and began to fall on others. It turned out that she had a bad heart, they helped her to take the pills, and everything ended well. Almost 30 years have passed since then, but as soon as I find myself in a crowd of people, I begin to fear that I will fall now.

My heart is all right, and there has never been fainting, but the fear that something will happen to me now just darkens in my eyes. Recently, the children were in the theater, so after the performance she was forced to sit in the hall until the crowd from the wardrobe dispersed. In my opinion, I even scared them … ”Overwork, unhealthy diet (with violations of the regimen, lack of vitamins) and any diseases — even a common cold — can exacerbate the severity of psychological trauma.

All this weakens the child and, therefore, makes it more vulnerable.

Parents should know that injury is not necessarily a specific event. There is a traumatic situation, a situation of prolonged trauma. If the family constantly, from day to day, there are scandals or even petty quarrels, adults show intolerance to each other, there is no warmth, then this can act as one permanent traumatic factor.

Even though the family, by generally accepted standards, is quite healthy and full. And this is probably the most difficult situation.

First, because it is almost impossible to change the whole family atmosphere. Secondly, adults often do not understand that they need to change something, they do not realize that the situation for the child is painful.

Yulin dad went on a long trip. He calls, writes and constantly communicates with his family via the Internet.

But at the time of his absence, a grandmother came to visit – to talk with her daughter and granddaughter. The grandmother of her son-in-law can not stand. “Well, can a normal person leave his family for two years?

His career is more precious than you. He never loved you. ” In general, Yulia learned a lot about her dad and even about herself – because it turned out that she inherited all the bad qualities (even the inability to put the dolls in place) from him.

She also learned that her mother had the opportunity to much better arrange her life, not to burden herself with a child so early. I would have learned even more if I had not once told my dad about all my discoveries.

He asked for the mother-in-law to call, and … literally the next day, she urgently needed to return home.

Resentment of parents at each other, jealousy, suspicions – all this is reflected in their behavior in the family, changes the overall situation. What do the children experience? While they can not say this – do not know the words “tension”, “anxiety”, “stress”.

We must be able to see it ourselves.

“Everything seems to be fine,” says the grandmother of six-year-old Ilya, who, after giving birth to twin sisters, was almost completely transferred to her upbringing, “only he became … does not look like a child. He asks for a toy, rejoices in it, and then immediately stops playing, puts it on the shelf, as in a collection, and he wipes the dust from it. ”

That’s right: this is how a child tries to cope with its problems. After all, respect for things is an attempt to tie something to yourself, to provide a sense of security.

Although the behavior can be, on the contrary, destructive, impulsive – the child by its actions attracts attention, asks for the participation of adults.

One way or another, the main symptom of injury is changes unrelated to growth and development. Often children become sad, indifferent, lose spontaneity and liveliness.

Everything that seemed ridiculous, now causes only a short-term smile, everything that fascinated is now ignored.

At the next stage, the child may experience difficulty falling asleep, irritability, memory impairment (he remembered the rhyme once, and now he can learn all day), general learning difficulties. All comments like “What is this!

You have become completely different! ”Only aggravate the situation.

Look at the life of your family through the eyes of a child. Such an exercise is useful: for 10 minutes, on behalf of the child, tell everything about your family – only honestly and frankly – and write down everything that you don’t like about adult behavior.

Usually such a list begins with trifles: “They do not give me ice cream in the morning”, “They do not buy a real dog”, but gradually you will be able to get to the bottom of the truth. After all, often parents deep down understand what the problem is, but they hide or are afraid to admit even to themselves.

If the cause of the injury was a specific event, it is better to speak immediately with the child. Without asking questions, “What do you think about this?”, “You are probably very worried about what happened,” just talking. In general, the more the child talks about his feelings, the better.

And he will be – if he understands that you are not angry at all for his frankness and there is nothing forbidden in the subject. This contact will be a reliable protection from unnecessary anxieties and fears. Read the child fairy tales – the most different, of all countries and peoples.

Often it is in fairy tales that we find the answer to the question “How to be in such a situation?” And get confidence that everything will be fine. Sometimes traumatized children show affection for the same tale and story.

Most likely, it contains the topic that worries him now. It helps and drawing and modeling – any creativity or the expression of feelings and moods. But the main thing is to provide the child with the assurance that he is surrounded by loving people, that, despite difficult situations, the world is always more good than bad.

Then unpleasant situations, injuries will not have such negative consequences. On the contrary, they will contribute to an adequate perception of the world.

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